


All I could bring myself to want is you

by SolarisRasa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt Magnus Bane, Light politics, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Minor Character Death, Parabatai Bond, Post-Break Up, Post-Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Pry the parabatai bond from my cold dead hands, Rune abuse, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, no beta we die like men, not a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarisRasa/pseuds/SolarisRasa
Summary: “What happened to Alexander Lightwood?” The words left him without permission and he couldn’t hide the rawness of his need to know.Maryse Lightwood never made it to Magnus' door. A different series of events see Magnus sealing the rift without anyone's knowledge it was him and spending a long year in Edom instead. He returns to find the Shadow World of New York functioning in surprising harmony under the New York Institute and its head, Isabelle Lightwood.With Clary's memories still missing and Magnus' disappearance Jace and Alec deep dive into their bond to keep themselves going and to mitigate the blow of their losses.Can they put themselves back together in time to stop the Clave from sinking back into its own prejudiced past? Can Alec and Magnus learn to forgive each other? Themselves?
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Original Female Character(s), Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 133
Kudos: 345





	1. Magnus: Mistaken Misery

**Author's Note:**

> I read a fic where an AU Alec had covered himself in runes and I simply could not let it go. Also I love angst. So have my first entry to this fandom.  
> 

Magnus heaved in a breath, staring up at the rift that roiled under his magic in the red sky. He could feel the pull on his magic but with the pulse of Edom under him now, he knew he could feed it indefinitely. Once the feeling of power coursing through him might have brought him some modicum of joy or fascination, but now it was just another layer for him to work through.

He strode purposefully toward his father’s-no his-castle. What he would do when he got there was beyond him but moving forward helped keep the past day from overwhelming him. The acrid taste of sorrow clung in his throat still, the echo of his father’s demands and cutting words.

_ I’ll never leave you, not like that nephilim with his worthless affection. He was a fool to walk away from someone as strong as you. We can deal with him and then, my son, we can return to gain power from Edom. _

Magnus hadn’t wanted that. He was hurt, but there was still something under it all that felt wrong, Alexander had felt wrong. More though, his father’s reminder he would never leave, the pressing knowledge that no matter how many times he banished him Asmodeus would never let him go. He’d swallowed that realization and used it to fuel him through casting his father into Limbo.

It shouldn’t have hurt him the way it had and he was too aware that he was about to have a great deal of time to consider his many hurts. The castle loomed over him and he sighed heavily as he entered, not exploring yet, simply drifting to the chair he’d last seen his father in. 

He fell into it without his usual grace and blinked hard. His magic buzzed under his skin, comforting and yet…

_ Alexander. _

Magnus hoped he was safe. He remembered the cold fear when he followed the pull of Edom’s power and it carried him to the shore of Lake Lyn. His hands shook and he’d cried aloud when he’d realized the awful tear in the sky above was unleashing hell, literally, on the Glass City. The darkened demon towers and the distant sound of battle had told him enough. He knew that the Lightwoods would be there, probably Biscuit too. He’d stood frozen, torn between portalling to them to assist and…

Well he’d made his choice. He could feel the weight of it in the eb and flow around him, in the crackling overhead as demons tested the edges of the bandaged rift.

“Now I just have to...live with it.” He said to the empty room. He wondered if he could.

-

_ “I need a...break.” _

_ “...that spark….gone.” _

_ “I can’t.” _

-

He should burn those memories now. Magnus couldn’t bring himself to try. The memories, no matter how they tormented him, were the closest to comfort he could have here.

Magnus lost track of time, the endless red light and his own churning mind keeping him still in his seat, the feeling of despair pressing breath from his lungs. No one around to perform for, to pull himself together and help. Just himself and thousands of demons swirling in the air that would happily let him destroy himself.

-

_ “I’ve never felt fear like that…” _

_ “What are you scared of?” _

_ “I can’t live without you.” _

_ “I need a break...from us.” _

_ “I can’t.” _

-

The repeat of his heartbreak is disrupted finally by Lillith. He vaguely remembers her coming once before, cajoling a way through the rift, he thinks he blasted her away. He hardly knows. 

This time she’s got power cloaking her, she’s come to make a demand of him. 

“Mr. Bane. I trust you’ve had some time to reconsider?”

“There’s nothing for me to reconsider. Your word means nothing to me and I can not trust you to leave the people I care for out of whatever chaos you mean to create.”

Lilith’s smile was nothing short of vicious, “I had hoped you would be a more...intelligent ruler than your father.” She walked slowly around his chair, “I must admit that I am somewhat glad,” her voice rose into a growl, “that you  _ aren’t.” _

She threw her power at him and he met it in a red haze as he stood. It had occurred to him that it would be easy enough to let her do it, let her end Magnus Bane right here. Overhead his reason for living on glowed a more vibrant blue as a demon burned itself out against his magic. 

Lilith broke off, stumbling away. Magnus allowed it, watching her with flames curling around his wrists.

“Mr. Bane, you’ve already said you don’t trust my word, but trust my nature. I can take your revenge. I can find those who discarded you when you were at your lowest. After all Alec Lightwood saw fit to cast you aside, he left you to stumble and fail without anything to rely on and without a home. Let me through and I will take care of him, if you want I will send him here, to you. Without your magic, your usefulness, he and his kind let you sacrifice everything and in all this time haven’t even tried to find you.” Her eyes flared black as she spoke and the tang of her hateful magic tinged the air.

For a moment Magnus could see what she painted, Alexander on his knees here, his hazel eyes wide even as Magnus’ own magic wound tight around him. He would know the pain that had lived and thrived in Magnus’ chest, he would-

“No.” 

Magnus couldn’t stomach the images Lilith spun for him. He had only seen fear, real fear, in Alexander’s eyes a handful of times and never of him, even trying to picture it was  _ wrong. _

“They must’ve been glad when you vanished with the rift. Shadowhunters, no matter what they tell you, are never going to be able to really love  _ us.  _ Not demon’s, not demonblooded, not anyone or anything that doesn’t have holier-than-thou blood. They cannot love that.” Lilith’s tone was sympathetic, her features pulled into an imitation of kindness.

_ “I’ve never felt fear like that...Magnus...I love you.” _

“What would you know? You don’t understand love. If you did, you’d understand your mistake.”

His voice was even but the roar of his magic in his blood rose as she let the facade go, sneering at him.

“You’re too weak to control this plane. Too weak to stop me!”

She had no chance as the flurry of his anger and his aching heart consumed her, even as she moved to attack him. Her screams shredded the air as her human appearance failed and he watched a screaming monster burn into ash. 

As the last of her vanished he fell again into the seat he’d been occupying in his time here. A new force pressed in on him and he groaned until it slotted in place with a feeling like ears popping after a sudden change.

Lilith’s power melded with his own and the remnants of his father that Edom had given him and he cried out. He stared at his hands as magic bleed from them, swirling through the room and searing the books that were strewn about.

It was painful, a raw roar of strength and birthright that flooded him and then it just...was. 

The light of the rift drew his attention and he realized it would be so easy to permanently seal now. He could leave. He could see New York again.

-

Magnus stepped onto the sidewalk a few blocks from the Hunter’s Moon and took a sharp breath. New York. 

He rolled his shoulders and followed the new awareness of Edomai, he would deal with the demons from his realm first and then, then he would see what was left of his life. If there was anything more than the ashes of what was  _ almost _ something amazing.

The feeling pulled him into a dark corner several streets over. Magnus turned a corner, ready to attack and found a small group already fighting. Three shadowhunters, their faces half-familiar, and two downworlders were working in tandem to beat back the Edomai that had drawn Magnus. He watched the five of them, realizing they didn’t need his help to finish this.

When the last demon was put down, run through by a shadowhunter but held in the iron grip of a vampire, Magnus made his presence known.

“Well, you all seem very...capable.”

One of the shadowhunters raised his blade but the woman vampire stopped him, “Magnus Bane. You’ve returned.”

Magnus laughed bitterly, “Surprise, surprise. I made it out of Edom. Things seem cozier than when I left.”

She looked shocked and the tallest of the shadowhunters spoke up, “Edom? We were told that you were...technically on some kind of sabbatical.”

Magnus took that in. He refused to believe that no one had looked hard enough to realize he wasn’t on this plane. Not Alexander maybe, but Catarina at least. Well, if he’d been gone long enough.

“Well, I’m looking forward to learning what the Clave’s explanation of the rift to Edom closing is then. I assure you it was no vacation and I am glad to have washed my hands of it. How long have I been...gone?”

The vampire answered, “It’s been almost a year Magnus. The Clave has no idea what happened with the rift, they’ve been looking for answers, they’re terrified it was only a temporary solution.”

“A year? Ugh, that explains why the air here almost smells  _ good.  _ I cannot wait until I can get a decent cocktail. Now, tell me, why do downworlder’s know Clave business? What brought you all together?” He swept a hand out, indicating the shadowhunters, vampire, and what he was realizing was a Seelie.

“I can imagine. The head of the New York institute continued her brother’s directives and the downworld council elected to test groups of downworlder and shadowhunter working together. It’s been a few months but it's working.”  __

Magnus couldn’t breath.

_ Continued her brother’s directives _

“What happened to Alexander Lightwood?” The words left him without permission and he couldn’t hide the rawness of his need to know.

The taller shadowhunter stepped closed, hands up, “He’s fine. He stepped down when it became clear that no one in the downworld was willing to work directly with him.”

That...didn’t make any sense. Alexander had been well respected among the leaders of the downworld, even without Magnus’ blinding bias he’d been an amazing leader, one that could bring them together. 

“What-”

“Mr.Bane...I’m sorry, but we’re still on patrol.” The seelie broke in, holding up an Institute issued phone that was flashing a familiar symbol. They were needed elsewhere.

“Right. Thank you for answering my questions. May the angel guide your blades.” He tipped his head with an attempt at his usual flair as he turned away from them.

He didn’t know where he was going for a moment, torn between heading straight to the Institute to find out what the hell was going on and taking time for himself. He thought about seeing anyone he knew and his stomach clenched.

“Home.” He told himself, nodding sharply and turning so his feet were pointed toward the loft. He took a step and a memory just before he banished his father surfaced.

“Oh.  _ Lilith _ . Lorenzo!” He opened a portal and rushed through.

His loft door looked the same and he ran a hand through his wards. The only traces were old, a few clients that had tried to come by months ago, relievingly Lorenzo’s magic leaving intact, and-

_ Alexander. _

He could feel Alexander had been here, not recently but after Magnus had disappeared. He’d been here both before Lorenzo had gone and again after. Magnus curled his hand into a fist, what had brought the man here? Had he needed a warlock for something and gone looking for Lorenzo or had he meant to see Magnus?

He banished the thought and pushed his doors open. A layer of dust was present and he frowned, that simply wouldn’t do. He might be morose and out of sorts, but he refused to allow his home to reflect that. He pushed his sleeves back, thank fuck he had access to his own closet again, and got to work.

-

Catarina was being annoying. Magnus told himself she was because he refused to examine the reason for her behavior any further than that.

She walked another slow circle around him, “You look...better than I expected.”

The pull of her mouth told him she was  _ very  _ unhappy with him but the sadness in her eyes told him it wasn’t anger. Oh, it probably had been but the longer he’d been gone the faster it had faded. For an immortal a year was nothing but living it still felt like  _ something. _

“Thank you?”

The concern spiked as she stopped moving and gently touched his arm. He forced himself not to react. He was never so uncertain in his own skin.

“Magnus. You disappeared on all of us, right after Alec,” He doesn’t flinch, he  _ doesn’t, “ _ ended things. No one knew what happened. Lorenzo, Dot, and I thought it would be kindest to spread the rumor you’d taken a holiday of sorts but Magnus, we were afraid.”

He swallowed hard, “Of what?”

Cat blinked away the moisture that was gathering, “I remember how bad it was, after Camille and Alec was, he was, so much  _ more.  _ When I found out what he’d done I searched for you for days and when I couldn’t find anything...Lorenzo couldn’t tell me anything except that you’d banished your father and your magic was back. We tried everything to track you. There was no trace. Magnus, you  _ bastard,”  _ there it was, the anger he deserved, “I thought you’d left me! I thought you found another bridge and no one was there to stop you.  _ I  _ wasn’t there.”

Magnus reached for her then, pulled her into his arms and held her hard. 

“I’m so sorry Cat. There wasn’t time to tell anyone. After I dealt with my father the power I gained drew me to Lake Lynn and there was-”

Cat leaned away enough to look him in the eye, “The rift.” 

“Yes. I had to stop it, I couldn’t let the edomai destroy everything.”

Cat’s lips pulled into a gentle smile, “You wouldn’t be you if you could. You saved  _ everything  _ Magnus. I wish you’d let someone help, but you did it.”

“I even got to come back.” He tried for something lighter, a little more him.

A sharp pain in his side made him yelp and let her go with a glare. Catarina wiggled her fingers at him, “I know you didn’t think you would and I will eventually figure out how to articulate exactly how frustrated I am with you for the way you handled this but...I am proud to call you my friend Magnus Bane. You pain in the ass.”

Magnus laughs and it feels  _ good. _

He turns to his long untouched drink cart, “Care for a cocktail? I’ve been thirsty for  _ so  _ long.”

Catarina snorted, “Yeah. I doubt Edom had your favorite label…”

Her tone shifts to contemplative and Magnus makes a little more noise than is really needed as he mixes them cosmo’s. She’s leading into asking what he did there and he doesn’t know how to say “sat and wallowed and thought about dying” without sounding, well, pathetic.

He turns and hands her a drink, sipping his own with a pleased hum and sigh. 

“So-”

Magnus refuses to let her ask the questions he’s afraid she will so he cuts her off with the first question that comes to him.

“Why is Isabelle the head of the Institute?”

Cat frowns over the rim of her glass, she knows what he’s doing but he can also see that she’s going to let him. Gratitude rushes him as she takes her time to answer.

“You’d been gone maybe two days when Alec called me. He was...rough after everything that happened in Alicante and I thought you were with him. He asked me to come to the loft, saying that there was a gecko among your things. Of course, I showed but he stayed long enough to tell me he didn’t know where you were and when I pushed he admitted what he’d done. It was not my finest moment.”

She takes a long drink and there’s guilt in her eyes that makes Magnus’ throat tighten.

“I was angry with him. He was worn but he seemed so distant from it, like he wasn’t telling me he broke my best friend’s heart. I wanted to see him hurt so I marked him.”

Magnus frowned. Warlocks had many spells for marking, some were kind, some were happy little marks only other Warlocks would know that signified friendships or similar things. To mark someone other than a Warlock was rarely done.

“I slapped the  _ betrayer  _ mark over his heart.” Catarina closes her eyes in shame.

Magnus sets his drink on the end table, his hands are shaking again.

“That’s why he stepped down, I think. Word spread fast that he’d left you and the magic in the mark was easy to see. Downworlder’s wanted the promise he offered and Isabelle was in a better position to deliver it. I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s what you would’ve wanted but he ran after and when I attempted to reach him to remove it, he sent a refusal. I didn’t try to force it, I was trying to find you and that was-”

“I would like to be alone now.”

Cat startled.

“Magnus-”

“Leave.”

He snapped the glass out her hand and summoned a portal for her, refusing to look her in the eye.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft but she went and he closed the portal behind her.

_ Betrayer. _

Catarina was the only one who could remove the mark and that Alexander had refused to let her was...complicated. The little bit of cheer he’d managed to recoup slipped away as he thought about the consequences of her actions against Alexander.

He didn’t want to care but as many times as it had been suggested that he wanted to hurt Alexander or that he wanted some sort of revenge on him, he still wanted Alexander safe. Well, mostly he just wanted him back, but he’d take what he could get.

There’s a terrible burning feeling in his tight chest and his skin feels like it’s only barely containing the turmoil inside of him. His magic, so much stronger now, skitters over him. He twists his wrist and pulls the balcony doors open, pushing the excess power out of him before it can explode on its own. It streaks into the sky, violent and red.

The tears are coming again and he wipes at them in frustration, he’s so  _ tired  _ of this feeling. It’s like he’s breathing through sand, grating with every attempt, and like he wants to claw himself open to expel the hurt and the sticky black rage.

He picks up his cosmo, downs it, and refills the glass

If this is what it means to have opened his heart again, he’s going to pour concrete over the damn thing and be done with it. 

_ Maybe Camille had a point. _

_ - _

He waited a full day more before throwing himself into something that might help numb him. 

_ Pandemonium. _

His trusty place for finding distraction and dalliances. He pulled out all the stops, colors shifting in his hair, glitter across his cheeks and collar bones, his shirt only a shirt in the loosest sense of the word. He had to use magic to put his pants on. They were that fitted and he used a touch of pheromone potion behind his ears.

He didn’t look at himself in the mirror before he left and he pushed past the feeling that made his stomach flip.

The bouncer raised a brow at him but let him past as usual and Magnus made for the section that had always been reserved for him. It still was and he mentally noted the need to thank Raph-.

He came up short just before the circle of seats. Raphel was a mundane now and the job of managing the club in Magnus’ absence had fully been picked up by Sol, a seelie that had worked there for years. 

Magnus shook the melancholy away. This was about re-learning how not to feel and ruminating on the new mortality of his pseudo-son was not the way to do it.

He drapped himself out on the couch, summoned a drink, and watched the room. There were a lot of dancers tonight, beautiful bodies moving together, mundane and otherwise. His gaze trailed over soft skin shining with sweat and he wondered what he should aim for.

Runes, not as stark as they would be on pale skin, caught his attention. Shadowhunter.

He sat up sharply, a metallic tang in his throat as he watched the young woman closely. She wasn’t familiar at all and her tanned skin spoke of more sun than a New York shadowhunter typically saw.

She also was not on a mission if the drink he watched her down as she laughed with a small group was any indication. 

He shouldn’t.

It was asking for pain and it was likely Alexander might learn of it. Magnus should look away from the pretty girl who was too close to the man his heart yearned for.

He finished his drink and stood. The things he should do falling away as she turned further and a deflect run high on her shoulder drew his eye.

What better way to get over one shadowhunter than with another?

He went to her, knowing exactly how much like sex and danger he appeared. Her eyes went wide and then hooded as she smiled at him.

“Well. You’re certainly new.”

“Oh, gorgeous I’m certainly not.” 

Magnus held his hand out to her with a wicked smile and she took it with a grin.

  
  



	2. Magnus and Alec: Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Lot's of exposition.
> 
> It's 1:30 if at some point I called Alec "Alex" my B. 
> 
> It's important to note that Alec usually deals with emotional difficulty, and is portrayed as handling the break up, by simply pushing it aside and focusing on his duty. The mark Catarina left him with is a beacon to downworlders not to trust him and with his goals and what would happen if the Clave learned about the mark it prohibits him from actively doing his duty as head. Ergo the only thing he has are patrols so he's spiraling.

The Jade Wolf almost looked reputable under Maia’s care. The walls were freshly painted and the menu was a lot broader than it used to be but Magnus was glad to see that he could still order dumplings. 

He was reading over the various named dishes when a loud series of sounds drew his gaze to the kitchen doors. 

“Maia!”

“-not welcome! Bat, stand down.”

Magnus stood, ready to help if needed. He’d spent the past week trying very hard to recapture the hedonist, devil-may-care self he’d been hiding behind before Alexander had pulled him out of his misery and it hadn’t worked. He was here now trying to rebuild connections with the people he cared for and if there was already a threat he was more than willing to face it. 

Maia, curls held back with her usual headband and fire in her rapidly shifting eyes, stormed across the restaurant. Toward him.

“Maia-”

He was cut off by the Alpha spitting in his face. Literally.

“Get out.”

Magnus, shocked, wiped at his wet cheek and stared at her.

“Why?”

She sneered, “You come back from wherever the hell you’ve been, you don’t bother to tell  _ anyone  _ who’s been worried about you. You don’t even try to check in on Alec, and I could understand that, but you didn’t fucking get in touch with Izzy either. Then, you sleep with the first shadowhunter you run across. It’s like you’re  _ trying  _ to finish the job.”

Magnus blinked and an odd sense of shame filled him. He knew the girl was a bad idea, knew it when he did it and doubly when he’d woken up to runed arms slung over him in his guest room. Because he hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of the bed he and Alexander had shared. 

His confusion and loss must have shown on his face because Maia doesn’t demand he leave again, just stared him down with her searching eyes.

“I’ve not been entirely sane, I don’t believe.”

He didn’t mean to be  _ that  _ honest, but there was nothing else he could say.

Maia’s anger started to crack, he could see the concern that edged in, “Sit down Mangus. I think we need to talk.”

He sat. Maia sent Bat, who hovered until it was clear Maia wasn’t going to disembowel him, to put in a double order of dumplings. 

“So.” Maia’s shoulders jerked toward him.

Magnus knew a cue to spill when he saw one.

“I was in Edom-”

“What?”

He started again, “I was in Edom. I was stuck there because the magic I used to close the rift in Alicante wouldn’t hold without me constantly refreshing it until I killed Lilith-”

“That was you? You closed the rift and killed a greater demon?”

Maia looked almost impressed and somehow still pissed.

“If you keep doing that I’m not going to tell you anything.” Magnus’ tone was mild and more fond than he cared to acknowledge. He’d missed her too.

“If you didn’t keep us all in the dark, granted it makes more sense now, I might say sorry.”

He huffed and kept going, “My point is I was stuck in Edom. I gained enough power to permanently close the rift and come back to New York. I was here for twenty minutes before I learned that the Shadow World here is getting cozier, which I applaud, and that Isabelle is somehow the head of the Institute now. The next day I learned from Catarina that she’d, in a misguided moment of friendship for me, done the warlock equivalent of blacklisting Alec.” The name stuck in his throat and he saw Maia wince, “So, yes, I went on a bit of a bender and made some particularly poor choices. I probably deserved your reaction and certainly deserve your anger.”

Maia reached for his hand and squeezed it firmly when he allowed her.

“I am definitely not happy with you, but I think there’s some things you should know too. First though, what do you think?”

She waved her hand around the building and Magnus smiled, “I think it looks great. I am glad that I will get to see what kind of Alpha you’ve become. I know it’s a strong one.”

Maia’s eyes softened and she gave him a small, more real smile. He cleared his throat as Bat set the dumplings on the table, looking relieved that they were still civil.

“I also think that biscuit’s going to get a big head about having a dish named after her.”

He scooped up a dumpling and made a happy sound as he bit into it. He swallowed quickly, magic helping keep him from scalding his throat, as he took in Maia’s desolate expression. He set the dumpling down, rings clinking against his plate, and straightened up.

“Maia. I think you’d better tell me what I need to know.”

“Clary’s uh, she...after the rift was sealed it wasn’t good here. Jonathon was cutting his way through Institutes and we needed to stop him. Clary went and she used one of her runes but I guess the Angel’s didn’t want her to do that anymore.” At Magnus’ look she explained further, “She made the Alliance rune. Izzy and Alec were trying to find something to deal with Jonathon but he was so strong and Clary started trying to make a new rune. It linked a downworlder and a shadowhunter temporarily, I was there and it was pretty neat but the Angel’s didn’t approve. They took her memories of the shadow world. She’s doing well I guess, at the art school. Jace goes to see her sometimes, glamoured. Izzy and Simon are trying to stop him but...I think he deserves some kind of happiness.”

Magnus slumped further in his chair, staring off to the side, “Oh, biscuit.”

“Yeah. Well, that’s like, the tip of the shit-burg. I probably shouldn’t be the one to tell you this but...I don’t think anyone else can handle it, not with all the other stuff they’re going to one to talk to you about.”

Magnus had so wanted to come and just enjoy reconnecting with a friend, and now there was more being dumped in his lamp. He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, ignoring the return of the burning feeling in his chest. He opened his eyes and nodded.

“Maryse Lightwood is dead.”

He sucked a breath in as the burning feeling turned to solid ice and slid into his stomach. Maryse. They’d had a rocky past but the last time he saw her, smiling at him in her shop and so full of love and potential he’d been filled with love for the woman in return. 

Maia took a shuddery breath, “I didn’t know her, but I saw what it did. Izzy got through, she’s strong and Simon was able to reach her. Jace, he’s rough but no one knows how much of that is just him and how much is Alec right now.”

The dumplings were going cold and Magnus pushed them away. If he had any less control he would’ve been sick. As it was he could feel the tears wetting his cheeks. 

Maia reached for his hand again and he held on tight.

“How?” 

He would kill someone if he needed to, though he figured her children, oh  _ Lilith _ , had already done it.

-

Alec turned his arrow slowly in his hand, inspecting the runes running along the shaft. Beside him Jace was meticulously cleaning his blades, neither of them spoke. They were alone in the armory, as they were often alone anywhere now. Most of the others gave them a wide berth whenever possible, as though the sorrow that weighed on them was contagious.

The exceptions were, of course, Izzy and Simon. 

In the rare moments he felt anything but the suffocating absence of Magnus and the grief for his mother, he felt guilty at how badly he was hindering Jace’s ability to heal. Moments like this.

He couldn’t close it off from their bond, it was all they really had left most days and neither of them could bear to hide anything anymore. Instead he felt Jace pause, heard him sigh, and then felt him continue his methodical motion over his seraph blade.

Alec knew, could  _ feel,  _ that Jace was hurting, for Clary and their mom and in his own way for Magnus too. He knew that it wasn’t all him, the deafening soundless drowning that lay between them. It was just, he could feel the feedback his pain had stuck them in. The times that Jace managed a laugh with Izzy or got enthusiastic training Simon that fizzled like electricity down their bond only to slam into the tidal wave that was Alec’s suffering.

His pain wasn’t greater than Jace’s exactly, but it was different. Jace knew where Clary was, knew she was safe and  _ alive- _

His thumb slipped where he was testing the arrowhead and a bead of blood welled up. Jace didn’t seem to notice and Alec watched the droplet trek over his palm. It felt good, almost. Pain made physical, something he could see, could comprehend with his senses. 

Behind him Jace finished and strapped his weapons back to his legs.

Alec didn’t need to ask to know that they were going back out. It was the routine, not one Izzy was happy with, but it was theirs. Patrol, come back long enough to clean the worst of it off, go back out, wear out a stamina run, sleep until Alec couldn’t and do it again. Sometimes Alec went alone, when Jace was needed for other things.

They headed into ops, Alec following Jace, his shadow. They moved silently enough that even other shadowhunters didn’t notice them and Alec let Jace talk with Underhill, finding out where they might be needed next. He was zoning out, focusing on his breathing and pressing a fingernail into the sliver on his thumb when he heard it.

“...at  _ Pandemonium.  _ I went home with him! I didn’t know he was  _ the  _ Magnus Bane.”

His whole body turned toward the girl who was talking, one of the newer recruits from Idris with her friend. They were clearly just getting back from a patrol, chattering as they turned over their weapons. 

He strode up to her, uncertain what his face was doing as it worked to keep up with the swell of hope, then confusion, then anger, and finally more despair that swept through him. 

“What did you say?” His question came out harsh and she jumped, eyes blown wide.

He could see that she was afraid of him and made an effort to stop looming over her but didn’t back off.

“Oh, uh, I was just talking about going out clubbing on my night off. I thought it was allowed?”

Alec frowned, he could hear Izzy’s heels approaching, “No. About Magnus Bane.”

His voice wasn’t quiet and every shadowhunter who’d been there a year ago, and many who had not, seemed to freeze in place, listening. Izzy’s steps faltered behind him and Jace’s hand gripped his shoulder.

“He-” The girl blushed, “I went home with him?”

Alec stumbled back and Jace made a noise like an animal in the back of his throat. The room blurred and Alec could hear Izzy taking control of the situation, sending the girl to her office to talk in a moment and re-focusing the others.

“-lec? Alec? C’mon buddy.” That was Jace, sounding frightening.

Alec pulled in a ragged breath, aware that he was pressed back to chest with his parabatai and his legs were shaking. Izzy was looking at him in concern, her cool hands pressed to his cheeks.

“I will find out if it’s true. Alec, I’ll find out if he’s back. I swear.” Izzy spoke quickly and looked at Jace, “Get him out of here.”

Izzy turned for her office and Jace manhandled Alec back to their now shared room. It was Jace’s old one, Alec’s had too many memories he couldn’t face and Jace hadn’t wanted to leave behind the memories in his. 

Alec collapsed onto the bed, breathing harshly. 

_ Magnus.  _

He was back. He was safe.

_ Maybe. _

He was...sleeping with random shadowhunters. Alec shuddered and told himself it didn’t matter, as long as he had his magic, as long as he was safe Magnus could be happy again and that was all that mattered.

Jace was humming, running a hand over Alec’s arm as he sat beside him.

He was overwhelmed, Alec could tell. Their closer connection meant that Jace could feel too well the renewed heartbreak that Alec was trying to bury. It was almost worse now, he had no time to prepare and no warning. It was like his mom all over again but this was  _ Magnus. _

Jace lay down behind him, curled an arm around him and just breathed with him.

Eventually the tremors faded and Alec drifted into an exhausted sleep.

-

_ “She’s not been to the shop. I’m worried about her.” Luke said, frowning around wolf fangs. _

_ Alec could hear the screech of brakes and the sound of his mother screaming in the distance but he nodded along. _

_ “We’d better start searching.” _

_ The street bled into the sterile interior of the morgue, the sheet over his mother’s body. Another body next to hers. _

_ “Gentleman. Thank you for coming. I am hoping that you won’t find who you’re looking for here but these are our only unidentified persons.” The man in the scrubs pulled back the first sheet. _

_ Maryse Lightwood frowned up at Alec, “You’re hurting Jace. It would be easier if you broke the bond. Let him heal. Let everyone heal.” _

_ Alec stumbled and Luke caught him, “It’s her. She’s right, Alec.” _

_ “I don’t know how.” _

_ “Yes you do.” A new voice. Alec turned to the second table, Magnus was standing next to it, fingers bunched into the sheet. The girl from Idris was pressed against his side and he watched as other’s, strangers, appeared, running their hands over Magnus’ shoulders and chest. _

_ “You had the answer at Max’s rune ceremony.” _

_ Magnus pulls the sheet off without his usual flourish and Alec stares at his own face. His body is naked and cold, the betrayer mark stark where it sits beneath the stitches on his chest.  _

_ “How hard could it be Alexander? Just, don’t watch your six when you patrol alone.” _

_ He looks into Magnus’ golden eyes and he nods. _

-

The knock on their door pulled Alec from the vestiges of his dream and he felt Jace sit up behind him.

“Yeah?” Jace called, voice deepened with sleep.

Izzy opened the door and smiled a little at them, “I came by earlier but you guys need the rest. I have some answers.”

Alec pushed himself up as Jace stretched, cracking his back loudly.

“So, Meredith was right. Magnus is back. I talked to Maia and Catarina. Maia didn’t know but Catarina said he’d been back for a few days. She said that he probably needed some time to adjust before he really made it known.”

Jace scoffed, “From the sound of it he’s  _ adjusted  _ just fine.”

Alec didn’t have the energy to cringe, but he still twitched in discomfort.

Izzy levelled an unimpressed stare, “I don’t think so. From what Catarina said I’d say he’s making shitty choices because he’s trying not to give himself time to think. I found out what happened to him.”

She paused and Alec felt his heart in his throat, shifting forward on the bed. It was only knowing that she was going to tell him that stopped him from grabbing her and making demands.

“He closed the rift over Alicante. I don’t know all the specifics but, he had to do it from Edom and was stuck there until he could permanently close it.”

Alec braced his elbows on his knees and clenched his hands together, thumb digging into his hand. Jace finally settled beside him. Edom. They’d left Magnus to Edom for a  _ year. _

“That’s….holy shit. That’s  _ badass.” _ Jace sounded impressed, tired, but impressed.

Alec gritted his teeth until it hurt as Izzy continued, “Yeah. He also banished his father to limbo so that’s not a problem anymore.”

She gave Alec a pointed look.

“Izzy. We left him in actual hell after I broke his heart. We left him there for a  _ year.  _ I don’t think there’s a way to fix that.”

She opened her mouth to protest but Jace cut her off, “If Mangus was in Idris, why didn’t the clave say anything?”

“It was a mess. There was no time.”

Alec didn’t like where this was going but he had to add, “Not that day, but after. They’re tracking all activity in and out of Idris now. After Valentine.”

Izzy shrugged, “How could they have known? All those demons had to be sending everything haywire.”

Jace leaned forward, “But a warlock’s portal? That has a different signature and everything is catalogued so even if no one was monitoring it, they would’ve caught it later. That day’s been reviewed thoroughly. They were trying to find out how the rift was closed, there’s no way no one noticed.”

With a growing dread Alec looked between them, “You think the clave covered it up. Why?”

“The type of power, they probably didn’t want it to get out that a warlock could wield enough power to close a rift to a hellrealm like that. That’s why they were so adamant we find Magnus, they had to have guessed it was him. They’re probably freaked out that he could open it again.” Izzy shifted uncomfortably, “I don’t like this. Not just because we could’ve helped Mangus, this whole time we could’ve helped. The clave has been asking more questions about the downworld deputies and the dual team patrols. I hoped it was because they were starting to come around but I’m afraid it might be worse.”

Alec held up his hand, “I don’t know how to deal with that right now. Until we know why they’re asking questions and what they hope to achieve there’s nothing we can do against it. I can’t really investigate, you know they’re still angry that I stepped down and still managed to bring the downworlders into the fold here. I just…” He swallowed compulsively, “I think we have to talk to Magnus on this one. You’re going to want to call a meeting with him.”

Izzy looked between Alec and Jace, “I will. But not yet. He still needs time and...so do you. Rest if you can, I’m going to see what I can dig up.”

She pressed her hands to both of their arms and left them. 

“Alec?”

“Jace.”

“You holding it together?”

“Are you?”

“I can hold a sword.”

“I thought it would get better once he came back. I thought if I could just,  _ see-”  _ He cut off with a deep breath, clenching his hands together until his bones ached.

“I hoped so too. Maybe it will, but this is all a lot more than we thought it would be.”

“Yeah. It is.” Alec forced himself to let go, “Let’s pick up a patrol. Clary’s exhibit is the day after tomorrow, I’ll stay in if we can take one now and one tomorrow.”

He’d made that promise before, that he wouldn’t go alone when Jace was training Simon, or watching over Clary, or helping Izzy. He had yet to keep it, but Jace didn’t hold it against him and Alec was grateful.

“Alright. Underhill said there was pretty heavy activity cropping up, we might get lucky and get a real workout.”

“Good.”

-

Magnus didn’t think he’d ever miss walking around a city. He’d spent such a small, awful, amount of time without his magic and yet he’d thought he’d never pass up the opportunity to use a portal when it was just him again. 

Now he was somewhat aimless as he walked. He’s been aimless since leaving the Jade Wolf and it was reminiscent of what he’d done after Alexander left him. It’s decidedly different in that he wasn’t homeless this time, he had somewhere to sleep when he was bored of it.

He was still hurting over Alexander but also for him and his siblings. Maryse had not been the greatest mother, by turns too harsh and distant or too invested in their lives but she learned from her mistakes and she was their  _ mother _ . Even without her death coming on the heels of Clary’s memory loss Magnus couldn’t imagine what it was like for the Lightwood siblings. 

He didn’t know if he was unintentionally following the thread of demonic energy or if it was just his luck tonight but the snarling of demons pulled him from his thoughts. There were familiar sounds of battle under them and he sighed at himself, more shadowhunters.

He summoned the glow of his power to his fingertips and headed to join them. Several demons were blasted aside before he saw them.

Jace was fluid motion with his blades, cutting down the enemy and holding a line while Alexander fired off arrows. The fletchings grazed Jace’s cheek even as Magnus watched and the blonde didn’t flinch as the demon behind the one he was stabbing went down. There were too many of them to maintain the strategy though and Magnus watched them move past Jace.

Without a signal of any kind Jace threw his blade to Alexander without looking and Alexander caught it in his free hand, stabbing through the nearest demon. He slashed the next one and ducked under his bow to free his other hand and grab his own blade. Jace’s hand moved to catch at the same instant Alexander tossed his seraph blade back.

It was synergy in perfection. They moved and breathed like they were one thought, more in sync than he’d ever seen them, and Magnus hardly noticed the demons he was incinerating as he approached them. 

_ Alexander. _

Jace looked much the same, more tired around his eyes maybe and Magnus could see there was something shuttered about his spirit. Alexander, on the other hand, was thinner than before, the light layer of healthy weight that he’d had (and Magnus had shamelessly contributed to) was gone. He was still obviously strong but it didn’t look like he’d had a real meal and a day's rest in the year since Magnus had been gone. 

That wasn't the most startling change though. As the fighting wound down and Alexander wiped Ichor off his cheek Magnus realized what he’d taken for blood and shadow was a rune scrawling up Alexander’s face. It was echoed on the other side. 

Jace caught sight of him and his expression flickered before steeling into resolve and nodded at him. With that Magnus stopped holding back and let his magic flare bright, burning the demons that were left to nothing.

As the light faded he turned back to the parabatai and his breath caught in his lungs. Alexander was staring at him.

“Magnus.”

His name was barely a whisper but it reached inside of him and tore out what was left of his heart. If he’d been able to move he’d have sunk to his knees at the sound alone.

Alexander walked toward him slowly, face guarded and Magnus wanted both to cry and to laugh. He never wanted Alexander to look at him like that and yet, what right did he have? He’d shattered Magnus so completely that he’d been prepared to turn to stone in Edom, unmoving and uncaring of his own imprisonment there.

Jace reached Magnus first.

“Please. Magnus, talk to him. Come back with us...or we’ll come home with you, but just, please.”

Jace’s voice was soft, desperate and Magnus really looked at him then.

He was exhausted, not just in the circles under his eyes but in his soul. The hand that pressed to his arm in askance wasn’t as steady as he had come to expect from Jace and the longer his silence went the shakier it became.

“Magnus.” Alexander repeated his name, standing closer and looking at him with hazel eyes. Magnus couldn’t look away. There was so much pain and so much guilt in Alexander.

Finally he nodded, “Yes. Come home with me.”

He summoned a portal and watched as Jace gently took Alexander’s arm and led him unsteadily through before he followed.

It snapped shut when they were through, leaving the three of them in the living room.

“You should get cleaned up, then we can talk.”

Magnus’ voice was soft as he watched Alexander shift like he wanted to bolt in what had nearly been his home. He closed his eyes for a second, unable to bear the squeeze in his chest for a moment.

“Sure. C’mon buddy.”

“Some of your things...some of your things came back when I put the loft back to rights before I left. Feel free to them, they are yours after all.” Magnus opened his eyes again to see Jace nod and Alexander already out of sight.

He sighed and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. A moment later Jace called his name.

“Yes?” He replied, moving toward them.

“Do you have any cream we can use for this?” 

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Jace I can’t see you. What do you need-”

He pushed open the door to his bathroom and stared.

Alexander’s shirt was off and there were more runes than skin now, iratzes and stamina runes almost overlapping with more runes than Magnus even recognized and centered over his heart, angry red, was the  _ betrayer  _ mark.

He tore his gaze away to meet Alexander’s eyes and swallowed hard.

They had well and truly ruined one another.


	3. Magnus and Alec: Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technology and I had a fight and this is also shaping up to be longer than expected so a two day quick load, not a thing. However I am going to be writing and posting as much as I can until this is finished. 
> 
> Jace is a lot more involved in all of this than I expected. Mmmm...oh well.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented and kudos'd. You're all so lovely <3

Alec didn’t know what he was doing here. Objectively, obviously, he understood how he had gotten here and that he was currently showering with Jace.

He had no idea if Asmodeus’ deal was still in effect or what might happen now that he and Magnus were in the same radius. 

Jace wordlessly passed him shampoo and Alec automatically squeezed some into his hand. He stiffened as the soothing smell reached him and heard Jace inhale sharply.

“ _ Alec.” _

He forced himself to move, bringing the shampoo up and starting to wash his hair. He was a shadowhunter, one of the best, and he would not be brought low by something so ridiculous.

“Alec. You can’t keep doing this.”

Jace was turned away from him again, hands working over his own body to clean up quickly in Magnus’ large shower. Alec closed his eyes.

“What, showering?”

“You’ve been pushing forward, full-tilt, like you can outrun how you feel. We both know you can’t. Believe me, I wish we could just cut through demons until we didn’t feel this way, but we can’t. He’s back, Alec. He’s back and if you don’t  _ really  _ talk to him, tell him what happened, I think-”

Jace nudged him and Alec blindly took the cue to trade him and start rinsing his hair.

“We’re not going to make it, man. Not...Clary’s never gonna-” Jace took a shuddering breath in and Alec could feel their bond roll and tighten with a fresh wave of grief. He pushed water quickly over his face and opened his eyes.

“She will. I don’t know how long it takes, she’ll remember, Jace. If the angel’s don’t see then I’ll, I’ll summon one. I’ll do what I have to, but I promise you, we’ll get her back.” 

He couldn’t sit by forever, he had told himself he would give Clary two years and then he was going to do his damndest to help her. He couldn’t help himself most days, but he could still be there for Jace, Izzy, and anybody else who needed him.

“I know you’ll do everything you can but,” Jace was working shampoo into his own hair, eyes closed, “there’s no guarantee. You have a real chance now, tonight, to start working things out with Magnus. You have to take it Alec. We’re burning ourselves up.”

Alec swallowed and traded places again, “He’s not going to want-”

“Angel help me if you tell me he won’t want you.” 

“He lost everything and I left him. I said things to him, so he wouldn’t try to make me stay, that were awful.”

Jace finished rinsing his hair and his hand fell on Alec’s shoulder, “You were in an impossible situation. He doesn’t know about the deal and yeah, maybe he’s gonna be pissed but he’s going to understand what happened. Even if you’re crazy and trying to tell yourself he won’t want to try again, he deserves to know.” 

Alec started to protest and Jace glared, “I deserve it.”

“What?”

Jace’s face pinched like he felt bad about saying it and their bond was filled with warring emotions, guilt and anger and a desperation that was not Alec’s own.

“I’m not saying this to be cruel but I think you need to hear it. I felt what you felt when you smelled the shampoo, fucking  _ shampoo.  _ It was like the smell ripped out your intestines. Which, I also know the feeling of, thanks to you.”

Alec flinched, it was true that even the little things hurt and he was trying so hard to ignore being in the loft at all but too also remind him of how close to dying his own carelessness had brought Jace.

“I deserve to not have your misery so thick inside me I can hardly feel my own. I love you, Alec, I do and I’m not...I’m glad you’ve kept our bond so open, we both need it, but there’s a shot for you to  _ fix  _ it and if you don’t take it, you have to know how much worse it’s going to get.” Jace’s face was heartbreakingly soft and Alec felt the burn of tears.

_ “Jace.” _

“I know Alec. I’ll be right next to you, all the way.”

Talking to Magnus was going to be...Alec didn’t know but certainly not easy. 

“I’ll try but what if he doesn’t...doesn’t want to hear it?”

Jace breathed out and Alec could feel a settling in their bond, “He will. I think, even if it doesn’t come out how you hope, it’s the best thing for you.”

Alec let out a strangled laugh, “When did you get so  _ good  _ at this? Used to be you were to wreck and I was the one with the braincell.”

His parabatai shrugged, “Oh, probably when I realized if I didn’t start using my words you were gonna do something  _ really  _ stupid.” 

His tone was lighter but Alec could feel the brief flash of fear, old and repressed. He frowned harder, Jace had legitimately started assuming that if he left Alec to his own thoughts too much he was going to kill himself. Alec couldn’t say for sure he was wrong and that thought solidified it.

“Let’s finish cleaning up. I have to talk to Magnus.”

-

Magnus wasn’t used to feeling out of place in his own home. He had made a drink, set it down, picked it up, remade it, sat in every chair in the living room and changed his outfit twice. He couldn’t settle himself.

He’d finally decided on a simple shirt and silk pants, just a single necklace, all of his rings and eyeliner with no color in his spiked hair. Alexander would know it was a more relaxed offering but that Magnus still had his armor.

Alexander was  _ here.  _

He hoped they’d have a chance to talk but he wasn’t terribly hopeful. Alexander was very good at avoiding things if he wanted to and though he was a good man and usually forced himself to face those things instead...well. Magnus had no delusions about what had transpired between them before he’d gotten his magic back.

The way Jace, Cat, and Maia had spoken about it made him wonder though. They all seemed to think that Magnus was the crux of Alexander’s apparent struggle. He wasn’t so sure but he would do what he could to help. The  _ betrayer  _ mark, at least, he could talk to Alexander about letting Cat remove. 

Contemplating his cranberry juice (and it was only cranberry juice) he nearly missed the soft shuffle of feet nearing him.

He looked up and his breath caught. Jace and Alexander were both dressed in oversized sweaters and while Jace was wearing a pair of too long jeans Alexander was in a pair of Magnus’ lounge pants that he’d made longer magically ages ago for the shadowhunter.

Alexander looked like he was the one who had spent the last year in a hell realm and the circles under his eyes nearly blending with the top lines of the runes on his cheeks. 

They were both damp from their shower and he forced himself to play at nonchalant with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s new.”

“What?” Jace glanced around in confusion.

“Is showering together a new parabatai thing?” Magnus couldn’t help his tone and the way Alexander’s shoulders pulled in made him regret it. 

“Nah. It’s faster and Alec might be gay as hell but since you left he hasn’t even touched hi-”

“Jace.”

_ Oh.  _

It’s just one word again but Alexander’s voice touched him somewhere deep again. So did the words Jace was mid-speaking. Alexander hasn’t sought any sort of relationships. It eases a tightness in his chest for a moment before he recalled his own recent dalliance and he prayed Alexander didn't know.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus said with a heavy sigh, “I wasn’t trying to be-” he made a gesture that he hoped indicated his lack of desire to hurt either of the miserable nephilim in his home.

Jace shrugged like it was nothing and Alexander finally looked at him, hazel eyes searching. Magnus licked his lips, holding his breath as he waited.

“We need to talk.”

Alexander’s voice was even but quiet and Magnus nodded. 

Jace led his brother to sit down across from Magnus on the black couch. 

“I’m going to stay out here unless Alec wants me to leave.” Jace’s tone brokered no argument and Magnus was grateful that he stood with Alexander. Jace leaned back then, ready to observe unless needed. 

“I don’t know how to start.” Alexander admitted, his hands clasped as he leaned forward.

Magnus’ lips tugged into a wane smile, “That makes the both of us.” He only just stopped himself from tacking a “darling” at the end.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Alexander starts, “I didn’t know you were in Edom. We only found out a couple days ago. Meredith was talking about meeting you and Izzy started looking into when you got back and we found out. I’m so sorry, if I knew I would’ve tried to help. I’m sorry.”

“No one knew. I had no time to tell anyone before I went. I’m just grateful that you are alright. I feared the worst when I saw Alicante was under attack. There’s no reason to be sorry for not knowing Alexander.” 

Alexander’s eyes closed for a moment. Magnus couldn’t place one thing though.

“Who is Meredith?”

Alexander went rigid and Jace answered, still leaned back but with a glare now, “She’s a new placement from Idris. Pretty girl, tan skin, dark hair, likes dancing.”

Fuck. He looked at Alexander but the shadowhunter was closed off to him.

“That doesn’t matter. I’m still sorry we left you in Edom for so long. I need you to know that we, I, never would’ve if I’d known.”

“I know. I would not have expected you to try to save me though. I know that things were over between us and you had enough to deal with here. I know you still would have tried, but it was never on your shoulders Alexander.”

Alexander drew himself up, he looked strong. Magnus might have believed that but he couldn’t forget the sight of his skin,more rune than empty space.

“It was.”

Jace breathed deep and Magnus knew there was something he wasn’t going to like coming.

“It was because I made the deal that left Edom vulnerable. Lilith was weakened and she wanted hell to break loose, but Asmodeus,” Magnus can’t breath, “from what my research has shown, would've tried to stop the rift. He didn’t want the edomai so free, he needed them to take over the demonic plane.”

“You made a deal with my father before I sent him to limbo.” Magnus can see the chain of events linking together. Something drove Alexander to summoning his father, pulling him out of Edom, Asmodeus had come to Magnus and Magnus had banished him to limbo, leaving no power on the throne in Edom to affect the outcome of Jonathon wielding the morningstar sword. 

“Yes. I had to get your magic back.”

Magnus’ heart clenches, “Was it really so impossible to love me without it?”

Alexander’s eyebrows pull together and his nostrils flare, “No. I love you when you have magic and when you didn’t. I told you, I fell in love with you for so many reasons. I couldn’t bear watching your misery destroy you. I couldn’t stand by and do nothing to help you. I had to explore all the options and...Asmodeus offered me a deal for it.”

Magnus couldn’t speak. This man, who might still love him (he didn’t miss the present tense), went to such lengths for him.

When Magnus didn’t speak Alexander rushed on, “I contacted him through medium, I thought it was enough to keep him contained. I, uh, I know better now. We spoke and he-” Alexander hesitated, “We came to a deal. I had to end our relationship, I couldn’t tell you anything about it and he would give your magic back. I didn’t know until now, just now, that you had sent him where he couldn’t reach us.”

The hot feeling of his glamour dropping washed through Magnus and he blinked cat eyes at Alexander. 

_ Stupid, hopeless nephilim. _

“You broke my heart.” It’s not what he wanted to say but it’s still true and Alexander nods once, his eyes are bright with tears.

“I know.”

“He broke his own too.” Jace added as he looked sincerely at Magnus.

“What a fool thing to do.” Magnus whispered, “Did you think I would be able to stop loving you?”

Alexander shuddered and looked away and Magnus automatically looked at Jace.

“He told Izzy it was going to hurt but it was a hurt you could come back from. He never even tried to say if he thought he could.”

Magnus looked at Alexander for a long moment, hope was swelling in him and yet, his heart was splintering further, this time not for himself.

“You did all of that and then I disappeared. Catarina marked you, and...your mother.”

Alexander looked at him again and Magnus couldn’t stay so far away any longer. There were tears streaking down his cheeks and Magnus finally recognized the runes on his face. They were twin  _ mourning  _ runes.

He went to Alexander and pulled him into a tight embrace. He tensed at first but then slumped into Magnus’ arms, head pressed to his ribs, and sobbed.

Magnus ran fingers through his hair slowly and felt tears drip from his own cheeks onto the back of his hand. 

“It’s going to be okay darling. It’s all so much now, I know, but if you’ll just, stay with me-”

“Yes.” Alexander cut him off, the word reedy and desperate, “Yes.” He pulled back enough to look at Magnus, sniffing, “I’ll stay with you. I swear.”

Magnus’ eyes widened as he realized he inadvertently repeated his words when Alexander had tried to leave him. 

“If you will, we can work on this. We can try to put ourselves back together.”

“By the Angel, Magnus, I want that. We’ll find our way back to each other?”

Alexander’s eyes shone hope and Magnus smiled down at him softly, “I believe we will.”

Jace pushed himself up, speaking gently, “Thank you. I’m going to call Izzy, tell her that Alec and I are going to be off rotation for...a while.” 

Magnus nodded and slowly moved so he was sitting next to Alexander on the couch, holding him curled close. There were more questions and more struggles but Magnus was willing to wait until morning to handle anything else.

“I’m sorry, again. I shouldn’t have made those choices without you and I researched everything I could about Asmodeus for months but-I couldn’t find a way out of the deal. I will  _ never  _ take your choice away like that again.”

“I won’t say it’s okay. It’s not, but I won’t let my father’s manipulation force us apart more than it already has. You understand what you did was wrong but I understand that it was for the right reasons. I...having my magic back is something I’m grateful for because I was able to protect so many people when I closed the rift. I can’t say if the price paid was worth it but I am grateful because I was able to protect  _ you.” _

Alexander shrugged and Magnus’ eyes narrowed.

“I’m not dead.”

Magnus looked even less impressed and Alexander sighed, “Everything was so fresh. I was with Izzy, just the two of us and so many demons descending on us...I thought it wouldn’t be a bad way to go, fighting to protect my sister, my people. I was pretty hurt by the time the city was clear and someone forced me into medical. I made it, but it was close. You did save me, without you I would’ve fought those demons until I couldn’t stand.”

His grip on Alexander tightened and he pressed their foreheads together, “When we have everything straightened out you are going to tell me how many times in the last year I almost lost you to thoughts like that and I am going to remind you why it is of the utmost importance you walk away from your battles tenfold for each one.”

“For now can we just go to bed?”

Magnus smiled, “Of course. Do you want to share the guest room with Jace?”

Alexander thought for a moment and then took a deep breath, “Can we all sleep in your room? Jace and I haven’t been dealing well being apart for things like sleeping and I want to be near you.”

Magnus waved his hand so his bed would be big enough and gave Alexander a playful smirk, “ _ Two  _ lovely shadowhunters in my bed?”

Alexander tried for a returning joke but it fell flat, “Wouldn’t Jace make a total of three?”

Magnus vowed never to take any stranger to bed again, “No. Alexander, no. I brought that girl home but I couldn’t...not in the bed we shared so often. She was a mistake. I will have to find a way to apologize to her as well. I am sorry.”

“Magnus, it’s alright. I know,” he took another breath, “I know we weren’t together. You had no way of knowing I would even find out and from what Izzy gathered, you weren’t doing very well. I don’t blame you. I know you Magnus, I know how you hide when you hurt and I won’t hold it against you as long as it doesn’t happen again now that we’re-” Alexander faltered and Magnus picked up the thread.

“Now that we’re back together? Never.”

Alexander smiled and Magnus gently kissed his cheek, “Now let’s get your parabatai and get to bed. The rest can wait for sunlight.”


	4. Izzy and Jace: Gaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ Me: Let's have a brief little Jace and Magnus blurb and some Izzy.  
> Me: A whole chapter of just those things? Okay.
> 
> I just, really want everyone to chat. Talk it out. You know.

Isabelle Lightwood knew that there were few people who could match her iron will and of them almost all of them were currently out of the Institute. She was weighing the merits of exercising said will in the face of the infuriating fire messages the clave was sending. Magnus Bane’s return had not come quietly.

She guessed it would have been too much to hope that word wouldn’t spread after Magnus had been very public at Pandemonium. When he had settled in his return, and possibly after an all clear from Alec that she was very much hoping for, she was going to have some words with him about that night. 

Still, the missive smoldering on her desk and charring the finish made her red lips curl. It was an order to bring Magnus in for questioning. Formally it was written as a heavy-handed suggestion that she invite him to the Institute to discuss his possible involvement in downworld affairs moving forward and some creative wording that implied she was to coerce him into  _ fixing  _ Alec. She snorted as she stared at it, wishing she had a drink. 

The clave never had quite understood Alec and Magnus. Now that they had been apart longer than they’d been together it seemed, at least some of, the clave was hoping that they could have a quick chat and be back to two professionals. No doubt they thought that Izzy would step down and Alec, after his year of despair, would return to his standard of clave law over all. 

_ Idiots. _

A light tap on her door brought her back to the moment and she called out permission to enter.

Simon peaked around her door and she smiled widely at him, joy sparking even over her irritations.

“Hey.” He stepped into her office properly holding a styrofoam container and a thermos, “I thought I would bring our beautiful leader dinner. It’s not a bad run from the East Village and-” 

He sat the container down and squinted at her, “You are not happy. Why aren’t you happy? It’s not because I said blue worked better on Jace last week right?”

Simon always knew how to draw a laugh out of her and it worked now but she still sighed when she had to answer his question for real.

“Of course not, I know you were just trying to make Jace feel better. No, it’s the stupid clave. They keep sending me letters about the uptick in demons and what they expect me to do now that Magnus is back.”

“What, do they think he owes them or something? Didn’t he close the rift?”

Izzy sighed hard, “So that’s spreading too. He did but I don’t know if that’s something we want the clave to know. They are already all but demanding he come, apparently just for a check in, but I know they’ll send someone to question him if they can. They also seem to think that he can put Alec to rights and…” 

She stood up, palms pressing into her desk. The desk that still felt like it was supposed to be her brother’s, not because she didn’t deserve it but because, well,  _ Alec.  _

“So they’re, like, incredibly stupid about,” Simon waved his hand, “all the things?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool, cool.” he fiddled with the edge of the paper he’d sat his thermos on top of before looking at her through his lashes with a little smile, “So, are you going to send them a message.”

As much as she wanted to send them the exact type of message that Simon was implying, she couldn’t. She didn’t have a chance to answer as her phone buzzed, Jace’s name popping up.

“Aren’t they on patrol?”

She nodded, her stomach clenching in worry as she picked the device up. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t spent the better part of the last six months, at least, waiting for a call that Alec wasn’t making it back. It didn’t mean she was ready for it.

“Izzy?” Simon asked, tone gone strained in worry.

She shook herself, Jace could be calling because they needed help. She fell into her seat and accepted the call.

“Jace, what’s-”

“We’re fine Iz.”

She breathed a harsh sigh but was forever grateful that her brother knew what she needed to hear.

“Okay. So what’s up?”

Jace laughed, it wasn’t a happy sound but it wasn’t as rough as it had been lately.

“We’re at Magnus’. He and Alec are- I got them to talk. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but I needed you to know that we’re not going to be available for at least a couple days.”

Izzy could feel her smile, hopeful and breathless, “You think we’ll get him back?”

“Alec? Or Magnus?”

“Both.”

Jace sounded as shattered as she felt, because the hope that stormed through her was a kind of breaking, “Yeah, Izzy. Yeah, I do.”

“I’ll give you as much time as I can. Love you.” She could feel tears welling.

“You too.”

The call ended and Izzy stared up at Simon with tears glittering and a fragile smile on her face. He returned it with his own toothy grin and they both broke out in relieved laughter.

_ Finally.  _ Things were starting to come to rights. 

-

Waking up in a cloud of gold with bright sunlight streaming over him was new. The room that Jace had taken when he’d stayed in the loft (and didn’t that feel like a lifetime ago) had not had a window. He stretched, feeling content for the first time in-

Panic immediately swelled, feeling anything but the weight of Alec’s feelings tangled with his own was terrifying. He jerked upright and let out a harsh relieved gasp at the sight of Alec’s dark hair, his face pressed into the golden pillows. 

_ Angel. _

He regained his breath and tentatively prodded the bond. Sleep heavy feelings swirled through him and he closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. Alec felt…

Jace sunk into the warmth of the feeling that settled between them, it was exhausted but  _ good.  _ Like the smell of sunscreen and the way his limbs always felt after laying in the sun. Not happy, exactly, but content. His brother hadn’t felt anything truly positive in so long, Jace had nearly forgotten just how deep Alec could feel good. He was sure that once he started to wake it wouldn’t be such a full-throated feeling, but asleep in Magnus’ bed with Jace beside him Alec’s subconscious had let go of pain.

He smiled softly at his parabatai. It was time he got up, but Alec should sleep more. His attention was pulled to the soft sound of metal clinking on glass and he rolled his eyes, trust Magnus to already be having cocktails.

He pulled himself out of bed, resigning himself to staying in his borrowed clothing, and went in search of their host. He needed to tell Magnus they were going to be staying with him for a few days and to thank him for letting Jace sleep with them. He had expected to spend a rough night alone. It wasn’t, after all, only Alec that needed the comfort of nearness.

Magnus was sorting through shelves of ingredients and Jace smiled. The metal-on-glass sound was from his rings, but there was no cocktail in sight and Jace refused to feel bad about his assumption.

“Hey.”

Magnus turned, one hand holding a vial and the other a list and it was rewarding to see the pleasant surprise on his face and the fluidity of his movement. It eased something in Jace’s chest to see that he was still welcome here.

“Good morning, Aurora.”

Jace’s nose wrinkled, “Sleeping Beauty?”

Magnus shrugged, “You do have the golden hair. Alexander is more-” He inhaled, waving the empty vial regally, “Snow White. Dark hair, rosy lips, still involves true loves kiss.”

“So you’d kiss me too?”

“No, but I would call-”

Magnus cut himself off and Jace swallowed hard.  _ Clary.  _ He knew Magnus hadn’t known long enough not to slip. It had taken most of them an age to stop looking for her, mentioning her like it didn’t gut Jace everytime. He cut off the distress in him, Alec was finally resting peacefully and he wasn’t about to disturb that.

“I’m going to her exhibit tonight.” He was quiet and tense, expecting Magnus to try and warn him away, everyone but Alec had.

“I’m sure her art has only grown more extraordinary. I hope you find some peace in seeing her Jace, you deserve that.”

He blinked, surprised.

“You don’t think I should, you know, stay away?”

Magnus set his paper down, flicking his fingers and vanishing the vial. His mouth tightened and when he looked at Jace properly one of his hands raised to touch his ear cuff in a familiar tick.

“I think that you aren’t ready for that yet. I think that if I had been able to look in on Alexander from Edom I would’ve watched his every breath. Until you find a way to let go, forcing you to stay away will do more harm than good. I also think, if the things I have seen and heard are accurate, that you haven’t had enough distance from Alexander’s own grief to properly sort your own. In many ways, this is still early days for you.”

Jace grimaced at the soft words, trust Magnus to see through them, he always had.

“I don’t feel  _ less  _ than Alec, I just…”

“Alexander has always had a tender heart, under his less-than-cuddly exterior, and he feels things with a consuming nature that is often not found, especially not in mortals. I know. I also know that it is easy to sink into his feelings to avoid facing what tangles might be your own.”

Magnus’ gaze went sharp and Jace felt like he’d been turned inside out with the words. 

“I don’t think anyone else has caught that. Everyone just assumes that it’s both of us sinking under Alec. Well, Izzy might not, but she knows us best. I was so  _ angry _ at him, just before we lost Clary. I was finally happy, finally had what I wanted, Clary was free and things were going to be okay and then-” Jace leaned back against the wall, remembering, “I could feel something was so wrong. I had asked once already, he told me you broke up, but I thought I could fix it, just tackle the mission in front of me, and then when we had breathing room, I could really make him tell me, you know? But...he was right in the end. Sometimes, life just doesn’t go the way you want.”

Magnus stared hard, “Is that what he said?”

Jace nodded, remembering the wrongness that Alec had been trying so hard to keep hidden, the worry he’d felt, “When I asked him what happened between you. That’s all he would say then and I was so worried. Then we lost Clary...Maryse was missing and he still wouldn’t talk to me, would barely acknowledge that I was struggling and I was so angry I-”

He remembered the way the words had felt, “I told him he never cared about Clary anyways. We had a shouting match in the training room, he’d come to tell me about Maryse but the second I saw him I just-” Jace closed his eyes, “I screamed at him, told him he was probably glad that she was gone and that it was no wonder things hadn’t worked out with you because no one was ever going to be able to love him when he refused to let them.”

Magnus’ hands were shaking and blue curls of magic flared around his fingers, the wall was the only thing keeping Jace on his feet.

“I attacked him. I wanted to fight him, to feel something at all I guess. He didn’t even-” Jace shuddered, tightening the connection on his end of the bond, “He didn’t try to stop me, just threw a few punches and let me take him down. I think, if he’d been anyone else I might’ve done so much worse. By the time I realized he was punishing himself I’d beaten him bloody. When I stopped he asked me to hit him again. It was only after, when I’d dragged him to the infirmary and forced him to open the bond, that he told me he’d had to identify Maryse’s body. It was...everything was so…”

“Broken.” Magnus’ voice was flat and his eyes hollow as he looked through Jace.

“Yeah. Magnus, yeah, I don’t-” He shook his head, “We had to tell Robert and Max. Thank the Angel for Luke though, he took care of the rest. A few days after the funeral Izzy and I sat with Alec and the three of us spilled our guts. We talked about everything we could manage and I learned about the deal and Catarina’s mark. After the first time Alec went on patrol by himself, a week after all of that, we started sharing a room. It was a little better lately but for most of this year I’ve been holding onto him by the skin under my fingernails.”

This was  _ terrifying.  _ Jace was only this upfront, this flayed open, for Alec and Clary, but Magnus deserved to know just what he was walking back into.

“I see. I imagine there’s more detail and things to know, but those are Alexander’s to tell. Thank you Jace. For everything you’ve done.”

They stood in silence, gathering themselves, until Magnus inhaled loudly and clapped his hands together with a forced smile, “I bet you’re hungry. It may be late but nothing beat a good brunch! Let’s get you fed.” 

He breezed past Jace, already waving his hands and talking quickly about what made a perfect brunch spread. Jace had never been more grateful for Magnus’ over the top distraction techniques. 


	5. Alec, Magnus, Jace: Pull Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I start with a list of things they're going to talk about and get to like..two of them. *sigh*  
> Have some apparent culture headcanons I guess  
> Also I know that Magnus has a past with Shadowhunters in and out of it. I am writing this with that in mind but with the idea that some of the cultural nuances are just, never discussed.

Awareness came slowly, rolling over Alec like syrup and leaving him feeling sluggish. He pushed himself up, familiar and much missed golden sheets pooling around him, and squinted around the room in the fading light. It took longer than he liked for his mental functions to grasp his surroundings and the time. 

_ Angel, how long was I asleep? _

He scrubbed a hand over his face, blinking rapidly. He could hear the low murmur of Magnus’ voice and decided to make himself slightly more presentable before facing his possibly-maybe-boyfriend.

After a quick trip in the bathroom and a change of clothes, entirely his own this time, he steeled himself and headed to the living room.

Magnus was sitting in his blue chair, head tipped back and phone held to his ear.

“Cat, I will tell you when I think it’s a good time. For right now, let us try to straighten ourselves out.”

Alec paused, then decided he might as well sit down. Magnus would notice him in a second anyways.

“He’s awake now, so I’m going to go. Give my love to my Sweetpea and tell her I’ll visit soon.”

Alec missed Madzie too, but he had no delusions to Catarina’s feelings for him and respected her right as a parent.

“Goodbye Catarina.”

Magnus sat upright, lowering his phone, and looked at Alec with a small smile.

“Sorry. She’s been...concerned. About both of us.”

Alec nodded, “You’re her best friend. I’m surprised she wasn’t angry I was here. Well, not angry enough to show up at least.”

Magnus frowned at him and Alec looked at his folded hands. He felt off-balance again. He was well-rested for the first time in forever, Jace wasn’t with him, and he had no idea where to begin with Magnus.

“Are you hungry?”

Reflexively Alec shook his head. He was hardly ever hungry, too focused on just pushing through each minute to do more than eat for sustenance.

“Well I am. Thai sound alright?”

He smiled a little at the easy way that Magnus worked around him and nodded, “Sure.”

Magnus stood with easy grace, flourishing his hands, “Salad rolls and a green curry still your preference?”

He nodded again, thinking about the flavors of the dish and realizing he was actually a little hungry. Probably a by-product of sleeping for so long.

He sat quietly while Magnus placed their order, talking for an extra minute when the man on the line asked why he’d stopped ordering for so long. Alec couldn’t help but relax a little listening to him talk. With a promise of an extra tip and the usual no questions asked about how he picked up the food he finished the call. 

Magnus started making himself a drink, silence settling between them. Alec watched him move, drinking in the sight of him in deep red and brown. He’d missed the flash of rings and the extra movements that made it seem like everything Magnus did was a dance. He didn’t realize how long he’d sat and just watched until Magnus was holding a glass out too him. He took it slowly, smelling it first and raising an eyebrow at the faintly tropical scent.

“It’s a little sweet, I thought you might need something, you seem...tense.” Magnus explained, stepping toward the blue chair.

Alec’s hand shot out, wrapping gently around Magnus’ wrist.

“Will you sit with me?” 

Magnus looked at him, his own clear drink in his other hand, and smiled. He stepped and sat with exaggerated movements and arranged himself beside Alec so they could brush against each other if Alec shifted just a little.

“Better?”

Alec leaned toward Magnus so their arms touched and sighed, “Yes.”

Silence fell between them again and Alec took a sip of his drink, approving of the sweet coconut flavor immediately.

“These seem a little more dramatic than your usual style.” Magnus said, tapping a finger to one of the runes on Alec’s cheeks. Immediately he averted his eyes, taking a large drink and playing with his ear cuff, “That was terribly clumsy of me Alexander, I apologize.”

Alec shook his head, “No. Magnus, it’s okay. We’ve agreed to start over but we aren’t actually back at the beginning. I just, I don’t know what to tell you first or what you’ve guessed or know or what’s just me overthinking things I-” He sat his drink on the coffee table and turned to face Magnus properly, “I’m so grateful that you’re willing to try again. I know it’s going to take us a while to figure this, us, out and I am trying not to just dump everything in your lap at once. I want to tell you  _ everything.  _ Hand on the Sword I will eventually, but for right now it’s probably better if you ask whatever pops into your head otherwise I’ll never say anything.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “That was rather self-aware of you darling.”

Alec blushed, “I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I managed to screw up before. I’ve also had a lot of input on those thoughts. Jace and I haven’t back off the bond in nearly a year. Today is the most muted it’s been in ages, and it’s only a little quieter. It’s still not comfortable to talk so much but, I have too.”

Magnus inclined his head, his brown eyes searched Alec’s features for something, “So, these?” 

He brushed his knuckles carefully against Alec’s cheek.

“Yeah. One is for mom. I want to talk about that, with you, but not...not tonight. The other is for...everything else. You, Clary, all the parts of me and Jace, everyone we did lose in Alicante and the future that  _ almost  _ was.”

Magnus nodded, then tapped his own cheek.

“I was already going to bear the one for mom, but someplace private. Then we were called to Alicante to give an account of the changes that had happened at the Institute. I recieved a lot of uncomfortable attention while we were there and there were, and still are, a lot of misconceptions about what happened between us. After a talk with my dad I decided to wear them where it would be plain to everyone that I was too damaged to consider the things they wanted from me.”

Magnus took his hand, grounding him, “What did they want?”

Alec swallowed. He didn’t want to explain this so early into their tentative reconnection, it laid too many things on the table and yet… He knew he loved Magnus and the Magnus still loved him, whatever else was in their way.

“It’s a common saying, that Nephilim love only once. I don’t know how true it is, it’s hard to quantify, but we aren’t a fickle people. When we really, deeply, love we do it for life. It’s rare to hear of someone losing a lover and finding another, but not so unusual to hear they marry or remarry for political standing. Bloodlines, family, it’s important to us. Usually when someone from a family with good standing loses their lover, or often if they don’t fall in love before a certain time, it’s almost expected that they will make a political or social match. It’s why there wasn’t a lot of question around my proposal to Lydia. She had already lost John and I had never looked twice at anyone.”

Magnus had a carefully neutral expression, listening without comment or judgement but his hold on Alec’s hand had tightened.

“It was well known that you were the only person I’d ever really been with and with you gone and an unclear picture of what happened it was widely assumed I would be entering an  _ arrangement.  _ Especially after I’d stepped down and with rumors flying about being an outcast in the Downworlder’s eyes. I didn’t know how to stop the assumptions and was in very real danger of losing it if I recieved another offer when my dad talked to me. Mourning runes are symbolic and to wear them prominently after a loss, especially romantic or familial, implies a lack of desire to move forward,a need for time. We almost never wear any rune on our faces, so-”

Alec broke off, gesturing with his free hand to the stark lines on his cheeks. He reached for his drink again, keeping his left hand in Magnus’, and sipped too give himself something to do.

Magnus sat his own glass down, taking Alec’s hand in both of his and rubbing his thumbs over the back.

“I know you Alexander and I know what it must’ve cost you, to wear your pain like that. I am sorry you felt like you had to, but I am also selfishly glad that you chose to. I can’t speak to how Nephilim love, your people are frighteningly good at keeping such things deeply buried, but I know how I love, how I hope you do and the thought of you trying to force yourself into another match for ‘honor and family’ is unbearable. If you want to keep them, it is your choice, but I hope you know you don’t have too. We didn’t hide the first time and I certainly don’t intend to now. Downworld politics be damned.”

Magnus brought Alec’s hand to his lips and Alec smiled softly. Trust Magnus to see him and to know what he needed to hear.

“I haven’t decided yet. Everything has, well, it’s happened so fast. Again.”

Magnus laughed then and it eased the seriousness that had encased them, “We don’t do things by halves Alexander.”

They smiled at each other and Alec felt the spark of magnetic energy that Magnus always created in him pull at him. He finished his drink and set the glass aside, reaching for Magnus. He smiled and came easily into Alec’s embrace. They paused, noses brushing and just breathed one another in before Alec could take it no longer.

Their last kiss had been painful, a goodbye that Alec had been too weak to resist and Magnus too desperate to savor. This kiss was soft, a relief to the core of each of them and a gentle hello. Magnus’ lips were warm against Alec’s and the lingering stickiness of his coconut drink flavored them as they moved together. Alec sat his large hand on the back of Magnus’ neck, holding him gently as he deepened the kiss.

Magnus relaxed into him, his own hands framing Alec’s face as they pressed against one another. They parted enough to look at one another, neither moving their hands, and Alec had to blink quickly as moisture gathered in his eyes. Magnus’ cat eyes looked back at him, a tear rolling down his cheek and sliding into the crease of his smile.

“Hello Alexander.”

“Hi.” 

They moved together for another quick kiss and then parted slowly as Magnus’ phone buzzed. Magnus looked more relaxed and Alec smiled at the sight. 

“Our food is ready. Dining room?”

Alec hummed, “Balcony?”

Magnus pretended to think about it but couldn’t stop the creeping grin and the way he looked at Alec made him warm someplace that had been cold for too long. 

“Go, snap us our dinner. I’ll grab the forks, and some water.”

Magnus winked at him and stood, brushing his hand against Alec’s shoulder as he went to the balconey. 

_ Angels, he’s beautiful. _

-

When they finished eating Magnus pulled Alexander through a portal for dessert, the two of them sitting in a gelato shop in Italy. It was easy to fall into gentle conversation, Alexander told him about Izzy and Simon and how exasperating it was to constantly walk into the middle of conversations that he wasn’t sure were private trying to deliver his and Jace’s field reports. 

Magnus kept his own topics light, mostly musings about redecorating parts of the loft and updating his closet. They were careful to keep away from more heavy conversation but it didn’t feel stilted or unnatural, just like had both agreed to set it aside for a little while. 

The shop was quaint and Alexander spoke Italian beautifully, the result of the latin he’d grown up speaking as easily as English. Magnus had found that tidbit fun, he’d always assumed Alexander simply had a passion for the language or at least a functional need with how often it cropped up in Shadow world dealings. Instead it seemed that Nephilim were all able to speak it and often used it as a universal language when dealing with Institutes around the world.

“I see that Shadowhunters are almost as secretive as warlocks when it comes to matters of culture.”

Alexander’s brows furrowed as he thought and then he shrugged, “We don’t have a lot of need to share ours. Most of it relates to doing our duty or to personal relationships and well, those typically only involve other Nephilim. We never really talked about this stuff before, I don’t know if there are any traditions I ignored for you?”

Magnus laughed, warmed by the consideration, “Not really. There are some vaugely outlined ideas about formal courting. We are an immortal race you know, we hold onto some pretty outdated things sometimes. It’s not required or expected of any non-warlock, or even a young warlock, to know anything about those. Usually formal courting is only done between two warlocks who intend to bind themselves together, a permanent, or at least  _ very  _ long, commitment. Otherwise most of our culture is tied to celebrations, our laws, and, of course, markings.”

He hadn’t thought before he rattled off the list, swirling the last of his gelato playfully with his tongue but Alexander went still. He swallowed around the cream in his mouth, ready to apologize when Alexander looked back at him, smiling tightly.

“These more than one kind of mark then?”

Magnus winced, “Yes.” He spoke softly, wanting Alexander to understand, “We leave them on those who mean a great deal to us, those who mark our lives, those we love. Sometimes we leave little things on those we dislike as well, though it’s less common. Here.”

He rolled up his sleeve and let Catarina and Ragnor’s marks show. A soft white symbol and a green bloom on the inside of his forearm, raised just enough to indicate they weren’t tattoos.

“These are marks of lifelong friendship, they signify the bond between the three of us, our promise to stand together and to protect and care for one another through all of time. This-” He shifted up his other sleeve to show a pretty yellow flourish, “is a mark of gratitude and friendship from Tessa. These marks are permanent. Not all of them are and I have borne a great many marker of thanks, of fun, of fleeting friendship, and a few that symbolized my opposition of another. Usually we only wear those in times of deep unrest, a sort of declaration of loyalties and lines in the sand. All but one mark is consensual and painless.”

Alexander reached out and touched just under Catarina’s mark, “I’m glad you have these.”

Magnus watched him as he traced the marks with his eyes, “I’m not the only one of us who bears one.”

Alexander flinched, “Magnus-”

“Why didn’t you let Cat remove it?”

He shook his head but didn’t answer and Magnus frowned.

“She told me she offered to and you refused. I know it hurts you, why did you tell her no?”

“It’s my choice.” 

Magnus ignored the warning, pushing, “But why make the choice to keep it?”

“It’s my body-”

“It’s hurting you.”

“I don’t notice it anymore.”

“Let Catarina remove-”

“I don’t want to!” Alexander’s voice cut up sharply and Magnus blinked. Gone was the relaxed man he’d managed to coax out, in his place was a hard mask and tight shoulders. Magnus sighed, he’d let himself believe that everything was fine for a moment too long.

“I’m sorry. It’s...It’s my decision Magnus. I-” Alexander was visibly struggling and something curled tight around Magnus’ lungs.

_ If I push him too hard he’s going to leave me again. _

The thought rose unprompted and Magnus forced himself to breath around it. He’d been caught up in how well they’d managed to come back together he’d not allowed himself to think in detail about how they’d fallen apart.

He saw the shuttered look in Alexander’s eyes and he could remember with perfect clarity the same expression in the low-light of Maryse’s shop. He could remember the pain in Alexander’s face on the balcony outside his office when Magnus had been too drunk not to lash out.

“It’s alright. I’m sorry too. It’s not my place.”

Alexander nodded slowly even as Magnus clenched his jaw. The gentle music that had been soothing a moment ago danced on his nerves now and he sighed, “We should get back. Jace is going to be back soon.”

Again he got a nod. They cleared their small table in silence and Magnus portaled them back to the loft from just outside the shop. 

“I need a shower.” Magnus said, stepping away.

Alexander’s warm hand closed around his forearm and he turned slowly to find him looking determined.

“Magnus, nothing is going to make me walk away from you ever again.”

Magnus blinked, breathing in slowly, “You can’t promise that Alec.”

“I am. I can’t control what might happen to me or what you do, but I am never going to be the one who chooses to leave or who chooses for you again. I just...I need you to know that.”

Magnus wanted so badly to believe it but he knew he wasn’t quite the same as he had been before Edom, he knew they were going to have to address the new power thrumming under his skin. There was also the returned immortality and all the rest they had yet to address both about their year apart and Magnus’ past. Alexander had heard some of the ugliest pieces but certainly not all of them. 

“I know you want to make that promise.”

Alexander’s expression tightens and he swallows visibly. 

“Magnus…” He looks so lost in that moment and Magnus’ heart aches for them both. His expression shifts to one of familiar determination and Magnus braces himself, Alexander always surprises him and this is no different.

“I want you to look at my memories.”

Magnus stared at him in awe. Alexander knew what he was offering, knew that to share memories was to share every emotion he felt in that moment and that it was a terribly vulnerable thing to do.

“Please Magnus. I-I can’t stomach you not knowing how I feel about you, or not trusting it. If I can show you, it might easier than trying to explain everything and I need you to know how much I love you.” Alexander sounded frantic, his hands raising to frame Magnus’ face, “Please.”

“You don’t have too.”

“I  _ want  _ to. Please.”

Magnus covered Alexander’s hands with his own, “I will, if you still want me to tomorrow. We’ve had a trying couple of days-”

“I slept almost all of today.”

“For what sounds like the first time in a year? Alexander, trust me, we can do this in a day, maybe two. We have  _ time.” _

At that Alexander seemed to finally relax and Magnus pressed their foreheads together.

“We’re doing remarkably well darling, there’s no need to rush everything. You said it yourself.”

He felt another nod and smiled gently, “Let’s take a step back from trying to get everything in the open right this second. I do actually need to shower but first, how’s Jace?”

The blonde had wiggled his way into Magnus’ heart along with Isabelle and Simon and his connection with Alexander only made Magnus love him a little more. He worked hard not to show it so much, it wouldn’t do for Alexander’s family to realize how strong a hold they had on Magnus, or how hard it was going to be for him to face them. He was in many ways grateful that Jace had come attached in full this time and had been the adult among them for once.

“He’s…” Alexander frowned, “I’ve been getting the usual from him when he see’s Clary, but he feels...scared, but in a good way?”

Magnus shrugged easily, keeping his immediate concern out of his expression, “Well, maybe that’s a good thing?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” 

Magnus watched Alexander’s distracted expression go a little vacant as he concentrated on his parabatai. After a long minute he gasped.

“Somethings happened. I don’t know what but he feels overwhelmed and so...it’s good, whatever it is.” Alexander was smiling now but it was edged with concern and Magnus waited for more.

A minute later Alexander’s phone rang and he grabbed it with a grin.

-

“Jace? Right?”

Jace’s heartbeat picked up and he tried not to show Clary how much this was affecting him as he affirmed, tried to keep himself under control as she touched him for the first time in a year.

He’d felt Alec wake up a while ago and it had been a whiplash of emotions from him since. Things had seemed to be going well until a few minutes before Clary had looked at him and he’d been thinking about heading back earlier to check in on what had caused the sudden desperate hopelessness in Alec. It had leveled off into something quieter though and Jace had relaxed. He had committed himself to staying out of their way this evening and had expected turmoil in the bond.

Now he was so glad that he hadn’t bolted to be with Alec at the first sign of trouble, he would have missed this moment entirely.

“I’m sorry, I-” Clary started again, frowning at her own hand on his skin, “I uh, have this memory problem.” She laughed a little and it was both a wonder and a source of sorrow for Jace, “No one knows for sure what happened to me but I’m missing a few things. We might have met somewhere in there because I definetely know you but I don’t remember how?”

Jace gave her a quick grin and watched her pupils dilate, “Well if you don’t remember me very well, you’ll just have to get to know me again.”

He winked and she laughed, a little incredulous, “Are you serious right now?”

“Deadly.” He schooled his expression into something mock serious and she laughed again.

“Okay. You’re crazy huh?”

Jace rolled his eyes, reveling in her presence, “I’m not the one who remembers strangers.” 

He wanted to take it back as soon as he said it, watching her eyes narrow and her lips purse.

“You know, normally I’d call you a jackass for that but, I almost want to laugh. Who even are you dude?”

Jace laughed this time, a little strained and a lot on edge, “I’m complicated Clary. If you want, I might be able to help you with your memory though? Because, yeah, we knew each other a little. I’d need to make a phone call first?"

Clary looked behind her with a torn expression and Jace hurried to add, “Don’t ditch your exhibition for it, I can wait. Let me trade numbers with you and we can meet up later.”

She gave him a considering look and his traitorous heart jumped, he knew when she was going to say yes by now, “You just want my number, huh?”

He held up his hands, “You got me. Beautiful, talented artists who only sort of remember me are my weakness.”

She held out her hand and he sat his phone in it, watching her tap in her number and text herself.

“I’m going to go back inside, but if you don’t mind a late night, I’d love to catch up after?”

Jace grinned, “I’m a bit nocturnal nowadays.”

She looked at him funny but just smiled, “See you later, familiar Jace.”

“See you soon.”

She didn’t look away from him until she had to turn to go back in the building and he ran a hand through his hair looking around in disbelief before quickly calling Alec.

“ _ Jace?” _

“Alec. She remembered me. She knew my name.”


	6. Jace, Magnus/Alec: Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They don't get to unpack everything yet but I needed to go to bed. Styles a little odd with the memories numbered but Ill leave it for now!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your amazing feedback <3

Jace shifted impatiently, Clary was nearly finished and he was jittery. Magnus had promised to help and Alec had sounded  _ excited. _ The feelings rolling through the bond were nervous but hopeful and Jace couldn’t remember the last time they’d both felt so close to good. He was trying to allow himself to live in his own body right now, both because it was better for him and because Alec deserved some privacy with Magnus. 

Clary was smiling at a girl, touching her and nodding. Jace watched her give the girl a little push and a firm wave.

Then she was walking out, standing in front of him.

“Sorry, my roommate is just...worried.” 

Jace smiled, “It’s good to have people who look out for you.”

Clary blinked and Jace worried that had been a little too sincere but then she smiled and nodded, “Yeah. It is. Do you have someone looking out for you tonight, familiar Jace?”

He shrugged, “Well, there’s this girl, though I don’t think she can protect me from much with her noodley painter arms.”

Clary shoved at him, “Hey! Art is hard work!”

“Sure.”

She rolled her eyes, “I was serious though, is there someone you need to check in with since it’s late?”

“Just Alec, my brother. I’m staying with him and his boyfriend, Magnus, to try to help them work some things out.” He watched her closely as he said their names. She nodded and her brows pulled together.

“Did I know them too?”

“Yeah. Not as much, well not Alec as much. He was always...distant. Uh, they said they would help you though, but not for a couple days. Like I said, they're working some stuff out.”

Clary seemed to accept that, “You must be a good brother, if you’re helping them.”

“I’m pretty close to Alec, but it’s...complicated.”

“I’ll take your word for it. You said you thought you could help me with my memory?” She looked hopeful and nervous. Jace sighed.

“I hope I can at least. Uh, let’s find someplace to talk. I’ll ask you some questions and see what we can drag up?”

“Lead the way!”

Jace licked his lips, “Well, I don’t, uh, I don’t know a lot of places?”

“What? Making me pick? What kind of date are you?”

Whatever face Jace made Clary’s teasing expression softened, “Um, how about pizza? There’s a place pretty close that’s open  _ really  _ late.”

“Pizza is great.”

-

Alec woke with a warm arm pressed across his body and swallowed hard against the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Magnus’ breath was soft against his bare shoulder and Alec lifted his head enough to look down at him. His forehead was tucked against Alec, nose brushing the top of his shoulder and his body was curled toward him but not fully touching.

He shifted and Magnus stirred, sleepy gold eyes blinked at him and Alec smiled even as they flipped to brown.

“Morning.”

Magnus hummed and Alec pulled his arm out from between them to wrap it around Magnus instead, hand splayed over his bare back. They were both wearing loose pants or it would’ve been like every other morning before...before.

“Good Morning.” Magnus bumped Alec with his nose, eyes starting to close again and Alec huffed a fond laugh. He squeezed Magnus to him gently.

“I’m going to get up in a minute, start the coffee, see if Jace dragged himself in.”

Magnus grumbled something against his chest and Alec laughed again.

“Sorry, I’ve reset my internal clock without you around to make me lay-in and cuddle.”

He kept his tone teasing and Magnus bumped his forehead against Alec half-heartedly, “Shadowhunter menace.”

“Yeah, I know. I need to check on the other one.”

Magnus groaned but shifted enough that Alec could get up without issue. He really would love to stay and cuddle but he was also eager to start the day and the sooner he could get coffee into Magnus the sooner they could talk more.

Jace was sprawled on the couch, having gotten in late enough that making it all the way to Alec had been too much effort. It helped that the bond was thrumming with peace as Alec had slept beside Magnus.

He started the coffee quietly and then returned to the couch, kneeling and patting Jace’s cheek.

“Wha’ ‘nt ‘ec?”

“Just checking to see if you wanted coffee or to move into a real bed.”

One two-tone eye cracked open and Jace groaned, “Real bed. ‘S early.”

Alec stood up, holding out a hand and Jace took it, his eyes closing again as he trusted Alec to help him up and guide him. Alec was very tempted to walk him into the side table but he could feel how tired Jace was and they had burned enough stamina runes in the last year that he was loath to keep him up now.

“Magnus is still asleep, do you want the guest room?”

Jace’s face scrunched and he pouted a little, shaking his head. Alec sighed fondly, guiding Jace into Magnus’ bedroom and watching his boyfriend, probably, raise his head with a muzzy glare.

“Mrning Blondie.”

“‘Ning M’gnus”

“Right, I’m going to lay you down, then I’m bringing coffee for Magnus.”

Alec nudged Jace until he flopped down beside Magnus who grumbled again and tugged at the sheets. Jace moaned at the better angle and wriggled until he was comfortable, face shoved in the pillow Alec had been using. 

Alec couldn’t help the swell of affection at the sight of both of them tucked into bed, Jace’s breathing deepening and Magnus blinking at him with a soft smile. 

When Alec came back with coffee for Magnus and himself he found Magnus sitting up in bed and Jace with slitted eyes open.

“Thought you’d be asleep.”

He handed Magnus his coffee and received a grateful smile.

“Wanted to check in with you.” Jace yawned.

“We’re good Jace. Glad that you got to talk to Clary.” Magnus’ voice was heavy with sleep.

“Yeah but, “ Jace shifted to look at Magnus, “Alec’s kinda jittery.”

Two sets of eyes landed on him where he stood by Magnus’ feet and Alec blew on his coffee to avoid them.

“I’ve asked Magnus to go through my memories today.”

Jace’s eyes opened further, “That’s...good?”

“Yeah. Better than trying to talk through everything anyway.”

Magnus cleared his throat, “I have to warn you both, Alexander will be sharing the feelings in those memories with me as well. Since it’s memory impressions it may be muted enough that you will only feel some of it, but you may also experience them as strongly as Alexander or myself. I’m not sure. I have known  _ parabatai _ before but never done in depth memory work with them.”

Jace nodded, “ That’s fine. I’ll sleep through most of it probably. As long as I know what’s going on it should be alright. I’ll come to you if I think it’s needed.”

Alec felt himself relax a little at Jace’s easy acceptance and shared a small smile with the blonde.

“I’m going to get out of bed now boys. Alexander I’ll meet you in the living room? Let’s allow Jace some rest.”

“Okay.” Alec said around his cup as he turned to wait for Magnus.

He sat on the loveseat, still nervous but glad that Magnus wasn’t making him wait until later in the day and happy that he was keeping Jace looped in. He was sure, as they worked their way back to equilibrium, that they would be less dependent but while they were it was nice that Magnus was accounting for it.

-

Magnus had dressed slowly and joined Alexander to finish their coffee in companionable silence, his feet tucked against the arm of the couch while he leaned into Alexander’s side.

They had both enjoyed the company but Magnus could feel how Alexander still held himself tighter than he once had. Magnus watched him set his empty cup aside and fold his hands, thumb pressing at his skin.

He sighed, there was no reason to put the memories off. It was going to be exhausting but he knew neither of them would be able to focus on anything else if they tried pushing this back. Not that he wanted to, he was just...nervous. He was fully confident in his magic but he knew it would be intense and even with guidance Alexander was unlikely to be able to completely control which memories they shared.

With a soft touch, Magnus pulled Alexander’s hands apart, rubbing his own thumb over the backs of them. 

“This will not hurt, as long as you don’t resist. If there is something you don’t want me to see don’t try to pull away, just focus on a new memory instead. It will be disorienting because it will be like we are both experiencing the moments we visit like we are there. I will see things through your eyes, of course. If it begins to overwhelm you, focus on remembering this moment, me talking to you, and I will break the connection.”

Alexander’s hazel eyes darted to the side and he licked his top lip quickly before looking seriously at Magnus.

“I’m ready. It won’t be pleasant but I need you to see, to know. Let me show you how much you mean to me.”

Magnus thought he should be afraid, after all Alexander had held his heart before and crushed it, but there was a steady sincerity in his eyes where Magnus found his footing. He squeezed Alexander’s hands before releasing them and pressing his palms against his temples, blue light flickering to life.

Looking into soft, trusting eyes, Magnus could feel his heart mend a little more, ready itself a little more to be returned to the only hands that had even learned how to hold it properly.

-

Memory 1

Alec’s jaw ached from how hard he was clenching his teeth, watching the thing inside of Jace as it looked over all of them with its awful, calculating gaze.

“Why do you want to save Jace? He’s your main competition.”

It’s not true and Alec aches at the way the accusation makes Magnus swallow. 

“You may share your bed with him but if your previous Alexander could only have one of us who do you think he’d pick?”

_ Angels.  _ Alec can’t listen to this, can’t let Magnus listen. He pushes away the guilt that spikes with anger. He doesn’t let his suddenly rolling stomach get to him. It’s an impossible question with an impossible choice. 

He let’s Magnus redirect him and ignores the thought that swirls through him.

_ I don’t know who I’d choose. _

He’s caught suddenly, dragged through a splintering landscape of moments: Magnus turning to him quickly, offering a solution, of a pentagram burning on the floor, of relief and terror and a tidal wave of desperation that does nothing against the guilt.

_ The choice I made. _

  
  


Memory 2

There’s blood on Magnus’ face, it’s running over his cheek. It’s sluggish since the only thing keeping his heart pumping it is Alec. He can’t feel anything, his world is narrowed down to Magnus’ closed eyes and the feel of his ribs flexing under Alec’s locked hands.

_ You weren’t supposed to be first. _

He moves for Catarina and the world spins. 

He’s sitting, hands clasped tightly as he pinches at his skin, next to Magnus’ bed. His head aches from holding himself in check and he wants to curl around Magnus and share his fate, whatever it is. He doesn’t deserve that though. Doesn’t deserve the tears that are threatening. 

“This is my fault.”

_ It is, It is. I made this choice. _

He chokes out more, seeking forgiveness, maybe, that he certainly hasn’t earned, will never earn. 

“I guess I just thought, maybe, we could, I don’t know, grow old together?”

It’s his most selfish, secret wish. He never wanted to leave Magnus in the first place, but to see Magnus with silver at his temples and proper laugh lines? It had sounded like a forbidden bliss.

The desire is black ooze strangling him now as he holds tight to his hand. He had felt some kind of twisted happiness when he realized that Magnus’ immortality was gone too and he hated it. Alec had been horrified at the price Magnus had paid for him, but he’d thought they could learn to live with it.

Maybe, if they came out of this, they still could.

_ Angels, please. _

He closes his eyes. 

He opens them on the balcony outside his office. Magnus is beautiful, heartbreakingly sad in his anger and Alec doesn’t understand how this evening could have already gone so, so wrong.

“But hey, I’m a mundane now, just like you always wanted!”

He almost expects to feel the heat of his own blood pouring out with how the words cut him. He  _ never  _ wanted that, never.

_ But I was still glad of it. _

Maybe Alec did this. He knew it would come at a steep price, freeing Jace, and he’d still let Magnus go. He knew when Magnus had turned up with magic again that it couldn’t be simple, but he’d let it go. Maybe he willed this into being. 

Magnus is desperate and beautiful and everything Alec has ever wanted and nothing he deserves. The ring that stays hidden suddenly seems terribly selfish.

_ I’d do anything to make this right. _

Memory 3

Alec calls Jace to his office, he needs to get through this, today, and then he can find an unused bedroom and...something. He doubts he’ll have the kind of time he needs to really feel what he’s done. 

Asmodeus was right and he clings to that when Magnus’ crumbled expression is behind every blink. He takes a deep breath, he doesn’t have the luxury of feeling right now, no matter that he can still feel the ghost of their last kiss.

He doesn’t think it’s dramatic to assume it’ll be his last kiss too. He feels like there’s shards of glass where his heart used to be, the organ shattered by his own hand.

Asmodeus was right, Magnus had already regretted his choice and Alec knew that there was no way for them to build a life for them with that as a base. The resentment would destroy them both. This way it was only Alec who would stay ruined.

Jace is guiltless in this but Alec knows him too well, knows that he would try to carry this if Alec let him. He keeps a firm hold on their bond as he hands over the ring, runs over what they’re doing. He can’t let himself slip.

Jace needs him. Clary, his accidental little sister who he wants to strangle as much as he wants to hug, needs him.

_ I can’t get in the way. _

He’s standing next to his mother. She looks soft in the light, her love for him and her concern threatens the stranglehold he has on himself. He loves her so much and a new splinter of pain lances through him, he’s taken something from her too. He’s taken her and Magnus from one another.

Magnus had found so much love in himself, even for Maryse Lightwood and she had eventually embraced him too and Alec had taken that from them with this.

He forced himself to speak, “I never should have asked for this in the first place.”

The ring was a selfish thing, wanting to make Magnus stay with him that way was selfish.

Walking away from her is the most necessary thing in that moment, if he lets her speak, see’s her expression, it’s going to tear down the wall he’s built. People  _ need  _ him.

_ I can’t do this. I have to. _

Memory 4

“First Magnus, now mom.” Izzy sounds hollow. She’s sitting on the edge of his bed and Alec can’t quite focus on her. She sighs and squeezes his hand.

“Alec I’m sorry.”

He’s missing pieces, fundamental parts of him and not the parts that the demons carved out of him under the red scar of the rift. Magnus is...gone. His mother is unreachable. Jace is unconscious in the next bed.

He’s failed all of them and worst of all he’s still here to face it.

The pain drags him under.

He comes up to Catarina Loss glaring at him as she marches into Magnus’ loft to see to the lizard Alec found scratching messages into the glass of his tank.

The room melts and reforms, Lorenzo Rey sniffing as he leaves them. Alec clings harder to his numbness as Catarina faces him again.

“You’re a cruel man, Alec Lightwood.”

He doesn’t react, the truth can’t hurt him and there’s a layer of cotton between him and the rest of the world. The painkillers, even after burning extra Iratze’s and stamina runes he needed them, help to keep a lid on the screaming that’s pressing at the back of his throat.

“I have to go. I told you, I don’t know where he is, only that he should have his magic. I’m sorry.”

Alec can’t unpack the fear that learning Catarina hasn’t heard from Magnus evokes, too many layers of suppressants and an activated fearless rune won’t allow it. He probably won’t feel it for a while, as soon as this one burns through he’ll activate one of the others, he has several now.

Catarina’s features twist and she steps into his space, hand bright with power.

“Cat-”

“Magnus is the best of us and we,  _ I,  _ trusted you to care for him. You sullied that trust.  _ Betrayer _ , you deserve to live as you will one day die, alone and friendless.”

Her hand sends agony through him, strong enough it overrides the chemical and runic cocktail, lights him up with pain that makes his nose bleed and his chest sear.

He stumbles back from her, gasping as she stares at his chest. Some of the anger in her eyes fades as his ruined shirt exposes how many runes he has active and the bandages still wrapped around his middle.

The mark she’s burned into him is raw and wicked and he thinks he knows what it means.

_ I deserve this. Now they’ll all know what I am. _

He can feel tears blurring his vision and he runs, ignoring Catarina calling his name.

Memory 5

Clary’s letter is surprisingly weightless for something that has brought so much pain. Alec wishes it carried more physical weight, that it didn’t look so innocent where it sits after he pulled it from Jace’s hand.

His parabatai is slumped, staring at nothing, in the chair opposite what is now going to have to be Izzy’s desk and Alec can’t reach out, afraid he’ll trail lines of ruin over what’s left of Jace.

He wasn’t good enough to save anyone.

He flexes his fingers and blinks, suddenly he’s standing with Luke in a mundane morgue. A man offers empty condolences as Alec confirms, the Jane Doe on the slab is his mother. Her face is lovely but the color is gone and she looks like a stranger, even without being able to see the damage from the car that killed her.

She had been just a few blocks from Magnus’. The family ring is in the possessions they give Alec and he hates himself that little more when he can’t bring himself to argue with Luke over who should plan her funeral.

_ I’ve killed her. _

Izzy nearly crushes him with how hard she holds him when he has to tell her and he wraps her in his arms. She wants something from him, he thinks, as she searches his face but he has nothing to give and he’s guiltily grateful when Simon takes her, comforts her. The mark on his chest burns.

He’s on the floor, Jace’s fist raining pain over him and he welcomes it. He can feel blood coating his face and he’s pretty sure something might be broken. Maybe if he lets Jace kill him at least one of them can get some closure.

“C’mon. Again, Jace. C’mon.” He slurs it up at Jace. There’s a forceful tug from their bond and then the wall Alec has fought for starts to leak.

_ I’m going to destroy him too. _

Jace pulls him up and the world spins.

Jace, hand cradling his middle, his intestines visible between his fingers as he falls. Alec’s wild desperate chasing of his death nearly costs someone else everything.

The stars over the institute as Alec talks to nothing, his voice raw as he cries. 

“Magnus I love you. Magnus I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I love you.”

The sky hazes into a ceiling through water and Alec knows he needs to just sit up, but he doesn’t want to. There’s a loud noise and a spike of concern in the bond and he forces himself upright. Izzy is in the bathroom doorway, staring at him with wild dark eyes, Jace just behind her.

Magnus is staring at him in a dirty alley and Alec takes the first real breath in a year. He’s still beautiful and Alec’s heart is still his.

-

Magnus let the connection go, gasping roughly. 

“Alexander...Alec.” He pulled his shadowhunter against him, sobbing as he clung to him and felt the way Alexander shook as he held him just as tightly.

“I didn’t mean...that was more than I wanted...I’m sorry.” The words were broken as Alexander stuttered them into Magnus’ chest.

"I know Alexander." He pressed his lips into Alexander's hair and shushed him softly, just holding him as they both cried.

Magnus had never fathomed the depth of Alexander's devotion, the way that he loved him and how much he wanted to help. The way his father has used that desire disgusted him. 

There was so much hurt in his lover and Magnus wished he knew how to unravel it all. He knew it would take time though but he knew where to start, what worried him most.

Underlying all of the suffering was Alexander's belief that he somehow deserved the pain that had been visited on him.

"Alexander, a heart as good as yours deserves all the softness the world has to offer. I am so sorry for how much you have suffered."

"No. I ruined everything, I was supposed to protect you, them, and I just made a mess instead."

Magnus rocked him, "You did the best you could. You may be Nephilim but you are not incapable of mistakes and those mistakes don't mean that you are unworthy. Alexander you are incredible. I am...I am humbled by your love."

Alexander pulled back and his hazel eyes were hopeful and wet, "I am trying to fix it, all that I can."

"I know. Let me help you. Just, let me be here for you. No more secrets."

Alexander nodded, "No more."

Magnus knew he was going to need some time to think about all that Alexander had shared. Especially parts of it he wasn't ready to face, like the ring and all it meant.

"It will take me a while to really...process. I will have questions when I do."

Alexander licked his lips, "I know. I will answer them."

Magnus hummed, "I expected nothing less. For now, let me just hold you."

Alexander relaxed against him without a word.


	7. Izzy, Magnus, Alec: Space for More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual sat down, wrote more about some things and nothing about others. Plot outlines are fake and only bread is real.

Isabelle’s hands no longer shook from venom withdrawals and her sleepless nights were no longer the by-product of her body violently aching for yin fen but it was a feeling she would never forget.

Sitting at her desk, staring at the tablet laying dark on it, she imagined the ghost of her withdrawal weeks. Her arm ached were Raphael had most often bitten her and she cursed herself for focusing on it in an effort to ignore the messages that had come to her.

Consul Penhallow was hanging onto her seat by threads as dissent in the council forced a widening divide between those who wanted to work with downworlders, embrace the unity Alec had sparked and Izzy had worked for, and those who wanted, not that. Most of the side against Jia and the more progressive members of the Clave was claiming that they wanted a return to the “status quo” and were shouting about Jia’s policy being a “dangerous change motivated by the desire to gain favor with the youth.”

Izzy knew, as she was sure Jia did, that a frightening number of those voices truly wanted to subjugate and openly harm the Downworld. 

The increasing number of messages in her inbox asking for her to send results of the recent team-up crews from _both_ sides made her insides twist. She believed in the cause and knew to her core that the Clave backsliding would tear the Shadow World to pieces but she had never wanted to spearhead the change. Well, not in the position she was now. 

Isabelle knew she was brilliant and capable and more than able to run the institute but the dance of politics on top of her other obligations threatened to crush her. She knew that Alec had been prepared to handle it, had been making arrangements to be a more active voice in Downworld equality on both sides and he had done what he could to help her when he handed her the reins. The real problem was he had planned to do it with Jace, Clary, and herself to bear some of the weight of the institute and Magnus’ support and advice, maybe even Simon’s. Izzy had Simon. 

Angel, she loved him but he could not help her cover the amount of ground that was needed.

Alec and Jace had been forced to step back, both with their own issues and the brand that Catarina Loss had left on her brother. Its consequences spilled over to Jace as they were Parabatai and though he suffered no physical affects the Downworld had turned away from him as strongly as they had Alec.

The dark tablet screen in front of her lit up with another incoming message and she closed her eyes. It was barely noon and her stress headache was ratcheting into a blinding migraine already.

She focused again, swiping at the screen and reading the words.

“Fuck.”

Jia’s delay in choosing a new Inquisitor to replace Imogen Herondale was being cited as “total dereliction of duty” and while that wouldn’t stick, especially with Lydia temporarily filling the position, it would ring true enough with both sides. Even Isabelle couldn’t understand what had delayed the posting. Or she hadn’t been able to, before another message came in, marked urgent from the Consul’s office.

_Ms. Lightwood,_

_I was recently made aware of Magnus Bane’s return to New York. I am advising you to take the steps you deem necessary to arrange reconciliation of some kind between himself and Alexander Lightwood. Mr. Lightwood and Mr. Herondale’s continued disengagement from the affairs of the Clave as well as Downworld missions has become dangerous. If no agreements can be reached I may be forced to take actions that I would_ _very_ _much prefer to avoid._

_I trust the importance of returning stability to a capable and shrewd leader like Mr. Lightwood and a brilliant fighter like Mr. Herondale is something you can understand._

_I expect a response at your earliest availability_

_J Penhallow_

_Consul_

Izzy could read between the lines well enough. Jia wanted Alec patched up enough for her to offer him the Inquisitor’s appointment. Izzy might want that for him eventually but he needed more _time_ to sort out the disaster the last year had been. Not that she had a choice. Not that it was even her call to make.

She typed her reply, acknowledging but promising nothing, and summoned Andrew Underhill to her office.

-

Magnus tore a chunk of soft white bread, holding it up between his fingers as he examined it in the warm afternoon sunlight that slanted over the dining table. 

“A friend of mine used to say you could soak anything up with the right sponge.”

Alec, tired with red-rimmed eyes and so beautiful, smiled at him, a tired thing but lighter than it was before.

“I don’t think you should use that to clean the kitchen.”

Magnus shrugged a shoulder and popped the piece of bread in his mouth, nudging the thickly sliced loaf toward Alexander who sighed fondly and took some of it. He chose his topping carefully and Magnus repressed a smile when he settled on wild clover honey and banana slices. 

“That would be a misdemeanor at the yeast.”

He tilted his head back a little but kept his gaze on his own plate as he spread honey butter over a slice. He glanced up quickly at Alexander and the look on his face made him laugh finally.

“Was my joke too crumby?”

Alexander snorted, turned back to his careful honey spreading, “I think you could do butter.”

“And people find you dry, darling.” Magnus smiled. 

Alec looked back at him, raising his bread, “As toast.” 

He took a bite and Magnus swallowed. Watching an emotionally wrung out man make terrible puns and eat honeyed bread should _not_ be doing it for him, but then, Alexander was in a league all his own.

“What are we sponging up with the bread?”

Alexander’s voice was soft and Magnus shifted to brush a hand against his wrist, “Well I, for one, needed a snack and I find that there’s something about good, soft, bread that makes it hard to cry while eating it.”

“Did you think you’d be doing a lot more of that, while we were eating?”

Magnus, once, could have taught a masterclass in reading Alexander Lightwood. Things were a little different now, the edges between them somewhat strange, but he still knew this. The tension that chased itself through a clenching and forced relaxing of the jaw, the way his free hand curled inward, thumb rubbing against his finger, his eyes focused and serious but not quite looking at Magnus.

“I find, sometimes, that the answers to hard questions make me glad of something in my stomach. I also find myself reluctant to hide my emotions from you, so yes, Alexander, I assumed I might have more crying to do.”

The warm light, catching dust motes, left Alexander with no shadows to disguise the displeased twist of his lips.

“I don’t-” He sighed, setting what was left of his bread down and leaning back, “I didn’t mean to show you everything I did. I wanted you to see just a little of _that_ . Mostly I wanted you to see something from when we were _happy_ but once we started I just...I couldn’t stop the flood.”

Magnus made sure Alexander was looking at him, “ I gathered as much. I think that it was important that I saw all that I did. I don’t think you would’ve been able to explain some of the things that have happened since we parted otherwise. I am also grateful still that you chose to go through that with me.”

He gave Alec a moment but with no answer, pushed on.

“I said I would have questions. I do.”

Alexander nodded, hazel eyes watching him and Magnus took the invite.

“Why did you believe that I would expect you to be able to choose between me and Jace?”

Alec sucked in a hard breath, “Because I should be able too? Because I should be able to say which one of you is more important?”

Magnus looked at him carefully, saw the pain the admission caused and more of the guilt as he tried to keep looking at Magnus.

“Should you? Or do you think that I, and whoever else, think that you should be able to say it’s me?” Magnus’ voice is cool but not unkind

Alexander’s brows furrowed and his mouth opened, then closed, opened again, “Of course it should be easy to say that. I love you. I love you so much I can’t live without you and being forced to tore my heart out but, he’s...Jace.”

“Alexander I would _never_ expect you to choose. Jace is your parabatai, a part of your soul, and the two of you have worked hard to nurture that bond into something wonderful, you love him as deeply as you love me. It’s not the same, you aren’t torn between us and I hate that you’ve ever thought otherwise. A heart,” Magnus taps his own chest, “has room for plenty of love, of so many kinds.”

Alec stared at him, “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do. When the Owl said it I didn’t even think about it, I knew the bond between us and the bond between you and Jace were both strong. That strength is not reliant on the weakening of one connection. Loving me should not strain your parabatai bond, having a parabatai should not be a test on our relationship.”

Magnus swallowed. They had only just agreed to be together still and already he was talking like this, but Alexander looked calmer, relieved.

“I think you’re right. It might take me a little bit to really understand that though.” 

He pinched off part of his bread, rubbing it to crumbs between his thumb and forefinger, spreading a few drops of honey between them. Magnus reached for his wrist, drew the sticky fingers apart with a little smile.

“I promise to remind you. Whither thou goest, so will he, your people _are_ his people, where thou lodgest, he is always welcome,” Magnus pressed a kiss to the honey sweet pads of Alexander’s fingers, “Well, almost always.”

Red spread over Alexander’s cheeks even though his tired eyes were wide, “Magnus?”

“I heard the oath, remember? You were dying on my couch and Jace came for you. I knew what I was getting into, loving you.”

He pressed another kiss to Alec’s thumb, “I am very glad, especially now, for him. Jace helps keep you _safe_ and maybe between the two of us we can get you to see how wonderful you are.”

Alexander sighed softly as Magnus released his hand only to press their palms together and tangle their fingers.

“Okay. I don’t have to choose.”

Magnus smiled gently, “Never when it matters. Now, cuddling partners? I am the obvious choice.”

“Yeah?” Alec laughed.

“I am _much_ cuter.”

They both laughed again and Alec squeezed their joined hands happily.

“Any more?”

Magnus nodded, serious again, “This isn’t a question Alexander. I owe you an apology.”

Alec started and Magnus lifted his free hand to stop him, “I do. I was unfairly harsh to you, not without my own reasons, but I never should have accused you of wanting me to be mundane or mortal. I was lashing out at you because I hurt but I shouldn’t have said those things or ever let you believe I could ever resent you for my own choices.”

Alexander shifts uncomfortably, “ You felt it Magnus, I was _glad.”_

“Just as I would be glad if you were suddenly immortal.” It hurts to acknowledge this again, but needs must, “Even if it was not something you wanted, even if I did my best to help you fix it or anything you needed, I would not be able to stop myself from being relieved in some ways. It is only natural and it was hypocritical of me to make that feeling into an accusation. I’ll admit, I was even glad sometimes, when I wasn’t struggling so much. Being mortal, getting to grow old with you? There are worse things Alexander.”

Magnus had looked away while he spoke and now he made himself look at Alec again and his breath caught at the depth of adoration in hazel eyes.

“I love you.”

Magnus smiled softly, “And I love you.”

They stare at each other in golden light for long enough that Magnus almost laughs at how sappy they are, but the soft joy that has taken over Alexander makes him reluctant to break the moment. Finally he knows one of them must, they still have things to talk about.

“I know it will take time but I hope one day you will understand that you deserve love and that even when you make mistakes it does not mean you deserve it any less.” Magnus watched Alexander blink back sudden moisture.

“There are a few things I saw that I think I will let you find time to talk about,” he thought about the ring and Alec talking to the stars, “and some things I would like to talk about later.”

Alexander nodded, “My mother.”

Magnus winced but didn’t deny it. It seemed Alec was determined not to let things wait this time and he kept talking.

“I told her we had broken up. I told her it was so you could be whole again. I walked away from her and I never,” He swallowed, eyes going glassy, “I never spoke to her again. Everything was so crazy and without her runes she wasn’t safe to be involved in any of it. By the time I was out of the infirmary and Jonathon was gone and Clary-” Alec took a deep breath, “I didn’t even realize she was gone for a long time but Luke had gone to see her when he was able and he contacted me when he couldn’t find her.”

Magnus moved so he can wrap his arms around Alexander’s shoulders, “You thought it was your fault.”

He doesn’t ask, he knows, felt, that it was true but he does wonder why.

“Yeah. A mundane spilled something while they were driving and their car went up on the sidewalk. She was crushed and she, _Raziel,_ she died trapped like that, alone. I know she was on her way to the loft, I think she was looking for you because I wouldn’t talk to her, because I _couldn’t_ be Alec for her, I had to do my job.”

Magnus blinked his own wet eyes and pressed a kiss to Alexander’s hair, “Do you blame me?”

“What? No!” 

“She was on her way to me, I was only a few blocks away. I had my magic.”

“Magnus! You couldn’t have known, your father was still here even, wasn’t he?”

Magnus didn’t move away, just spoke with his lips brushing through Alexander’s hair, “He was but he wouldn’t have stopped me just then. Alexander. If I couldn’t have known how could you?”

Alec didn’t respond and Magnus sighed, “If it’s not my fault then it’s not yours either.”

There is another long silence and Alexander relaxed more into the loose hold Magnus had on him, “I miss her.”

His voice was quiet and Magnus answered just as soft, “I do too.”

They didn’t talk more and eventually parted. Alexander picked up the food, packing it away methodically and Magnus manually cleaned the table and the dishes, both of them taking comfort in just _doing_ with one another.

When the last dish had been dried and put away Magnus pulled his shadowhunter into the living room, ready to just curl up together and watch something mindless.

He didn’t get that far before his wards rippled. Another shadowhunter, one he wasn’t very familiar with, was coming up.

“Someone’s here?” Alec asked, already moving toward the door and Magnus pushed down the urge to hide him away.

“One of yours it appears.”

A knock, light but purposeful, came a moment later and with a look to check it was alright, Alexander opened the door.

“Underhill?”

The blonde man at Magnus’ door was familiar, distantly, and when Magnus managed to place him he smiled a little. _Foolish._

A second ripple alerted him to someone portaling into the hallway and he went tense until Lorenzo Rey stepped through.

“Mr. Lightwood.” Lorenzo’s voice was cold and Underhill winced.

Alexander sighed, “Do you mind?” He asked Magnus with a resigned air.

“I’d rather neither of you continue to darken my doorstep, so please,” he gestured broadly, “come in.”

Underhill let Lorenzo pass first and blushed a little when Lorenzo caught his hand and pulled him along. Magnus raised an eyebrow at that but Alexander didn’t seem surprised.

“I’m, uh, I need to go dress.” Alec muttered to him and Magnus was suddenly very aware of the state of him. Alexander was lovely as ever but he was still in soft comfortable clothing and had obviously been crying.

“I’m good at entertaining, darling. Go, get cleaned up and bring blondie back out with you?”

Alec nodded and paused to kiss him once, just a soft press of lips, hands lightly pressing at his arms and noses rubbing. He pulled away, smiled a little, and hurried to the bedroom.

Magnus closed his eyes, composed himself and snapped his fingers to dress himself in dark red, eyeliner perfectly in place.

“To what do I, we, owe to _pleasure?_ ”

Lorenzo’s smile was as fake as ever but he didn’t get the chance to answer before Underhill answered, “Izzy asked me to come speak with you and Alec. Jace too if he’s available.”

The man was as straightforward as most Nephilim but there was warmth in his voice that made Magnus like him a little more.

“Did Isabelle ask you as well?”

Lorenzo glared at him, “Last time I was in this apartment I was transformed against my will. I was not about to let Andrew walk into some trap.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, though, yeah, he should apologize.

“I wouldn’t have laid a trap you could help against anyway, but,” He moved to make them drinks, nerves and lack of having anything to really do propelling him, “I am actually very sorry about what my father did to you. I’m glad that Alexander was able to restore you.”

Lorenzo looked surprised and Magnus figured he’d managed to make his tone land somewhere in the realm of sincere. Which he was, he would’ve felt horribly guilty to find a lizard Lorenzo still waiting for him after a year. 

“I’ve heard some things about what you did after you banished him. What you did in Edom.”

Magnus doesn’t reply to Lorenzo’s idle musing.

“I would thank you, if I thought you’d take it.”

Magnus startled, the martini he was pouring sloshing a bit. Impatiently he snapped the mess away, “Why?”

He looked at Lorenzo but the other warlock was looking at Underhill and he pressed a palm to the blonde’s shoulder, “You helped keep Andrew safe.”

_Oh._

So it was more than a passing thing for Lorenzo then. Magnus suddenly realized that he finally had someone other than Tessa, who had been in a unique situation, to compare notes with on loving a Nephilim. How strange.

Underhill spoke up, “Really, you saved us all. I can’t thank you enough.”

There was warmth again and Magnus really looked at the blonde man on his couch. Andrew Underhill had a kind face, maybe too kind for someone who’s very existence centered around killing, and he held himself with understated confidence. He was older than Alexander and despite the similarities, the soldier in both of them apparent, appeared to be suited for a wholly different role.

“Underhill. Lorenzo. What’s up?”

Jace sauntered out of what Lorenzo _knew_ was Magnus’ bedroom in a loose t-shirt and Alec’s sweats, Alexander looking much more put together behind him.

Lorenzo shot Magnus a look but he rolled his eyes. Underhill definitely did not have a Parabatai then. 

“Isabelle sent me. She’s been getting a steady stream of communication from the Clave today and things are getting tenser. There’s a group calling to remove Penhallow, they’re citing her reluctance to choose a new Inquisitor and the amount of control she’s allowed the New York, Bucharest, Cairo, and Miami institutes in implementing the new Downworld deputy and mixed patrols. They’re trying to say she’s been derelict and is making dangerous changes just for personal gain of some sort.”

Magnus handed a drink to Lorenzo without looking away from Underhill. Jace swore and he could see Alexander settle with his hands clasped behind him out of the corner of his eye.

“What does Izzy need from Jace and myself?”

Underhill rubbed his palm over his knee, “She wanted to keep you all informed. The faction that’s trying to remove Penhallow is very clearly aiming to return to how things were _before_ Valentine resurfaced and a number of them won’t be happy until they’ve got the Downworld by the throat.”

“ _Los bastardos_.” Lorenzo said, with feeling. Mangus was inclined to agree.

“They’d never manage it.” Jace, ever filled with conviction.

“They might. At the least they might manage to oust Penhallow and put someone who they’d prefer in the position and from there it would be dominos undoing what we’ve managed to pull together.” Underhill sounded tired.

“We won’t let that happen.” Alexander stepped a little closer to Magnus but his voice was steel. Magnus ached for him, they had only started working through their pain and already he was picking up the pieces of a mess he hadn’t made.

“ _You_ can’t do much.” Lorenzo’s tone had gone frigid again but Alexander didn’t respond and Magnus looked between them before he growled.

“For Lilith’s sake! Catarina put the damned thing on him for me because she didn’t know what the hell happened. Alexander had _never_ betrayed me.”

Alec jerked and Lorenzo blinked, sitting suddenly on the arm of the couch next to Underhill who just looked confused. Jace made an odd little noise and Magnus’ head whipped around to look at the parabatai.

Alexander’s face was carefully blank but Jace wasn’t about to let him get away with it and he shook his head at Magnus, lips pressed tight together. 

Right. Not the best way he could’ve handled that then. Shit.

“I-My apologies Mr. Lightwood.” Lorenzo’s voice was strained but Alec inclined his head and refocused, letting the awkward moment go.

“Isabelle also received a message from the Consul. She was requesting that Isabelle _facilitate_ a friendly meeting between you two,” Underhill gestured between Alexander and Magnus, “and made some not at all subtle comments about making sure you were stable again. Isabelle believes she’s trying to pull it all together and that Penhallow has always meant to name _you_ Inquisitor.”

Magnus doesn’t breathe, though with how silent it falls he doubts anyone else is either. Alexander would be the best Inquisitor in an age, fair and exacting with the right edge of mercy and deep belief in equality. Magnus knew this.

Magnus also knew that Jace is just getting Clary back, that Alexander and himself haven’t had even a full 48 hours yet. He also knew his Alexander, knows what he will do so it’s no surprise when he answered.

“Tell Izzy that she should report a successful meeting between Magnus and myself. She can tell Consul Penhallow, should the offer be mentioned, that I am ready and willing to accept.” 

Underhill nodded but there was worry flickering in his eyes, for Alexander, and Magnus was glad of another ally. Lorenzo’s lips are pursed, “It won’t do you any favors to have that mark then.”

Alexander lifted his chin but didn’t make a remark on it choosing to continue directing Underhill, “Make sure the Consul is informed that I will require a month long period to transition into the new role.”

Relief hits Magnus hard. Alec is trying to give them the time they need.

“She might not go for it.”

Alexander smiled and Jace leaned forward lazily, “Tell her Alec is helping with rehabilitating Clary Fairchild and needs the time to help her adjust.”

Underhill didn’t have time to react before Alec was pushing on, “A month is longer than I need but Jia doesn’t need to know that. Make sure that’s what Izzy tells her. When she formally offers the position, then we can negotiate time.”

“Outside of your suddenly blossoming political career how will this help?” Lorenzo asked.

Alexander’s voice was firm, “With the position filled I can solidify backing Jia. Right now a lot of unrest is probably coming from people trying to gain favor or aiming for the position. Once it’s filled and I make it clear that I am not falling into line as a perfect little soldier given rank and pomp, some of the dissenters will quiet down. They don’t really want the trouble of real change, that’s why they’re fighting it now but if someone else deals with it they’ll care more about making good with the Consul, regardless of who it is. If that happens it’s less of a threat to the Downworld.”

“Plus Alec is the one who came up with the joint patrols and most of the steps that have been worked in place for gaining even footing. We just couldn’t let Izzy tell anybody that.” Jace smiled.

Lorenzo’s face made Magnus itch for a camera.

-

After Lorenzo and Underhill left Alec pulled Jace out onto the balcony. He smiled at Magnus and was reassured when Magnus’ answering smile was soft and understanding.

Alec turned and pressed their foreheads together and Jace laughed a little, a choked noise.

“Alec. This feels weirdly good man.”

Alec laughed too, he didn’t have words for the way that the bond felt lighter than it had in ages. There was worry, yes, and lingering pain, but there was real hope and joy looping between them too.

“You’re gross. You’re so in love with him, ugh.” Jace shoved at Alec’s shoulder but didn’t let him move away and Alec grinned.

“I know. I tried to ease back into it but I don’t think either of us knows how to do that. We haven’t worked _everything_ out but…” 

They had shared a lot that morning and Alec felt drained but in a good way and he wanted to share a moment with Jace now that there was something _good._

“Also, you’re not better.”

Jace rolled his eyes, the movement so close to Alec’s own looked weird, “Yeah, yeah. Both of us are disgustingly pathetic in love.”

“Are you going to meet with her today?”

The spike between them of happy anticipation answered for him and Alec finally stepped back.

“Good. I just, I wanted to make sure you were good, you know? I think I might see if Magnus is up for just doing nothing with me today.”

Alec hoped that was on the table, judging by the languidness of Magnus’ movement through the glass door he’d guess so. He was happy but tired and really just wanted to curl up with Magnus for a while.

“I’ll get out of your hair a little early then. I’m sure Magnus would like that and it’s uh, it’s been easier to separate?” Jace sounded oddly guilty and Alec sighed.

“It has been. I still like you being close though and,” Alec smiled and glanced back at Magnus again, “Magnus gets it Jace. So, where I am, you’re welcome. Just, uh, knock a little first?”

Jace laughed at that but bright surprise and warm affection for Magnus lit up their bond and Alec gave him a smug look, “He’s un-hateable.”

It was a silly call back to an old argument but Jace took it, “Are you kidding? He leaves everything on the floor. He’s trying to kill us both via tripping hazard!”

Alec shoved at him, “Alright, you know what? Go find Clary a little early. Talk to her enough that Magnus knows where to start so she can deal with you.”

Jace flipped him off but they were both grinning and through the glass door Magnus laughed at the sight of them  
  



	8. Magnus/Alec: Have and Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Doesn't work on this for weeks. Write 17 pages in one night*  
> Ta-Dah

“You’re Jace’s brother?” Clary squinted at him and Magnus laughed.

“No, he’s-”

Magnus cut Jace off with a wink and one of his ringed hands extended with a flourish, “I’m Magnus Bane, Jace’s brother is my boyfriend.”

Clary looked delighted as she shook his hand, smiling brightly. Jace just rolled his eyes but Magnus could see the smile tugging at his mouth.

“Please, come in. Alexander is just in the kitchen, nervous hands and all.”

Magnus stood back to let them pass, pushing the door closed, aware that Clary would likely not react well to a magical display. He watched her with a warm feeling buzzing in his chest as she slowly took in his loft, her gaze lingering here and there. She trailed her fingers over the edge of the bar cart and touched the leather jacket Alexander had draped over the couch, fingers rubbing the fabric thoughtfully.

Jace followed her, gaze locked on her so intently that Magnus was tempted to nudge something in the room just a little so he’d trip on it. Ultimately the memory of Jace’s miserable expression a few days ago, laying himself bare and slumped against the wall, stopped him.

“Clary?” Jace’s voice was soft as she stopped again, staring out the balcony doors.

“Yeah, yeah...I-” She frowned at the glass, “I have this feeling…”

“Oh.” Alexander came up short, seeing that Jace and Clary had arrived.

She turned away from the balcony and Magnus’ heart clenched as she looked at Alec, eyes wide and mouth open.

“Oh my god.” Clary fell into a chair, not looking away from Alec. “Oh my god.”

“Clary?” Jace tried again, even as Magnus went to Alexander, palm pressed to his shoulder reassuringly as he watched Clary with worry.

“Sorry, just, I have this dream sometimes.” Clary cleared her throat, “It was, uh, you were in it. I didn’t know what it was but it always scared me. It was just a dream of you looking at me and falling backwards, it was short and I don’t-” She shook her head.

“That sounds crazy.” Clary lamented, making Magnus want to comfort her, but Jace was on it. Alec just kept staring.

“Hey, no. Remember what we said? This was all going to seem crazy. I told you some of the things you forgot were going to be really, really hard to believe.”

She nodded, big eyes wet, “Is that,” she looked at Alexander, “is that a memory?”

Alexander moved to her, kneeling in front of her, his hands clenching and unclenching, “It is. It’s a memory of a bad night. I’m Alec. Jace’s brother.”

Clary reached out like she was going to touch him, hesitated and then when he didn’t seem adverse, continued. Her fingers brushed the rune on his left cheek.

“I didn’t remember these.” 

Alexander flinched. He had a glamour up, but clearly those weren’t working on Clary right now.

“They’re new. Do you remember anything else about me or Magnus?”

Clary’s gaze darted around the room and she nervously pushed some of her hair away from her face, not that it helped.

“It’s all familiar, like a place I’ve seen in pictures enough to feel like I’ve been there. There’s not anything, uh, specific though, only the dream.”

Magnus stepped up, squeezing Alexander’s shoulder gently. It was good of him to be so invested in this, they’d had a long few days and he was doing well holding back his own jitters. Jia Penhallow would be responding to his ultimatum today.

Alexander smiled up at him softly and stood, taking a seat on the couch and giving Clary some space.

“The familiarity is a good sign. Jace’s kept us filled in, as much as he can, on what you’ve been remembering. I would like to examine you in a-” he paused, uncertain how to phrase what he wanted to do to someone who likely did not believe in magic, “holistic sense."

Clary’s nose scrunched, her green eyes uncertain, “Holistic?”

Magnus smiled, glancing at Jace for input since Clary seemed most comfortable with him.

“Magnus isn’t going to do anything, uh, super weird. He’s just one of those people who,” Jace looked at him briefly, “reads energy signatures and stuff.”

“Energy signatures. Huh. Okay, well my friend Dot reads tarot cards and palms and stuff and that stuff is pretty accurate so, hey, if this might help, uh...read away?”

“How is Dot?” Alec asked, ignoring the sharp look Jace shot him.

Clary blinked, “You know her?”

Alexander shrugged and Magnus wanted to groan, he knew why Alexander was asking, concerned as he’d been about Dot’s recovery and cut off from the downworld by the mark on his chest, but now was hardly the best time.

“Uh, she’s fine?”

“That’s wonderful. I’m afraid we don’t have the luxury of trying to catch up right now, particularly while you are missing links for why and who knows what, agreed?” Magnus looked at all three of them and was gratified to see Alexander’s cheeks color a little, though the worry in Jace’s quick look at him spiked his own.

Magnus had to remind himself, despite the easy interactions and Clary in his living room, they were not past being able to hurt each other and he needed to make sure he didn’t do anything to push Alexander. 

“Now Clary, if you’ll close your eyes for me Biscuit, we’ll be done in no time.” He waited as, with one last glance at Jace, she complied.

Magic like Magnus’ was suited for his needs, it always had been, unlike many others. Most magic had an affinity, could be used for many different things, but always worked best for something specific. Catarina’s magic was strong and she was a very capable Warlock, but both she and her power were happiest healing. Ragnor had been particularly adept with warding and magic used for hiding and deception. Magnus let everyone believe that spatial magic was his talent, calling on Catarina when he needed a healer, but it wasn’t the truth. Before Edom he’d been a Jack of all trades, capable but not excelling at most forms despite not having a specification. After Edom…

The wash of his power was blue as it lit Clary’s still form and he heard Alexander’s soft sigh, saw Jace’s shoulder’s loosen a fraction. The instinctual reaction in them both was certainly something to examine later. Before it would’ve taken him twice as long, been much harder to parse what he could feel in Clary. 

Now, he let the magic go, seconds after it wrapped around her. 

“You may open your eyes now Biscuit.” He kept his hands poised near here for a moment longer, giving her the opportunity to draw her own conclusion about what he’d been doing.

“That’s it?” Clary sounded almost disappointed and he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“I’m really, very, good at what I do.”

“Did you find anything?” Jace sounded like he was working not to make demands and Magnus appreciated the change from the insistent prick he could occasionally be. He also hoped that he would get the chance to see that Jace again, on the other side of recovery.

“I did. The...circumstances surrounding-” He made a frustrated sound. He could feel well enough what had changed but explaining it in a way Clary, in her current state, could digest was a challenge. 

“Her memories are coming back. I expect that after spending time with us and my check-up they may begin coming faster, but in the interest of not leaving it to chance,” He turned away from her and stuck his hand into the empty drawer of his side table, snapping the book he wanted into place, “look at this please.”

She frowned, taking the open book and staring at the page of runes in confusion.

“Did you design the tattoos?”

“They’re called runes. They have meaning of their own and you uh, you used to design new ones.” Jace reached over her shoulder and flipped the pages until he found the memory rune, tapping it so she would look at it.

Her gaze went a bit unfocused as she did until she blinked and closed the book, handing it back to Magnus quickly.

“I don’t-” She shook her head again and stood up, “I’m glad it sounds like my memories are going to come back and, not to sound ungrateful, because really, thank you, this has all been really, really weird.” She was bouncing her hands as she spoke and Magnus could see that she was feeling overwhelmed.

“It’s quite alright. Amnesia is already often overwhelming and disorienting, no matter how long term, and my methods are not what most expect. I think you’ve done admirably for today. You’re welcome to rest here if you would like, but I’d guess you’d rather go home?”

Clary nodded, “Yeah. I-Thank you Magnus. I know that you’ve got,” her gaze flickered to Alexander where he’d been sitting silently, “you’re own stuff going one. I really appreciate the help and hopefully I remember more about you, all of you, soon.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Jace was quick to offer, realizing that Clary was ready to go. She smiled at him, a little shaky but still warm.

“How about just to the station?”

Jace examined her carefully before nodding, “Alright.”

She patted her thighs awkwardly and then nodded, “Well, I guess I’ll see you again?”

Magnus squeezed her shoulder lightly and felt more than saw Alexander stand up behind him.

“You will. Stay safe out there Fray.”

She beamed at Alexander and gave Magnus another little thank you before letting Jace lead her out again. As soon as the door shut behind them Magnus slumped, rubbing at his eyes.

“Hey. You alright?”

Alexander’s warm hands caught his shoulders, thumbs stroking over the silk fabric of his shirt.

“Yes. The Angel’s appear to have reevaluated their choices. Clary will probably remember everything shortly. You might actually have to spend your month off helping Jace get her caught up.” He laughed a little, trying to keep the hurt at the thought of not getting the time he felt he needed with Alexander.

“Magnus, look,” Alec waited until he raised his chin, meeting hazel eyes that were warm with sincerity, “If she does remember everything I’m sure you and I will both help a little, but Jace  _ loves  _ her just as much as I,” his cheeks colored under the runes, “have always loved you. He can handle helping her and Izzy and Simon are eagerly waiting in the wings, you know he’s been keeping them in the loop too.”

Magnus chuckled, lifting his own hand to press into Alec’s chest, “I can imagine that Sam is going to have fun showing off all he’s learned since she’s been out of it.”

Alexander’s smile went impossibly fond, “I’d forgotten you did that.”

“Hmm?” Magnus was getting a little distracted by the affection in Alec’s gaze.

“Called Simon by anything that wasn’t his name.”

Magnus grinned, laughing brightly, “Someone has to keep him on his toes. Especially since Isabelle has been swayed by his charms.”

Alexander groaned, “I know. My sister, badass fighter, beauty queen, smartest person I’ve ever known,” Magnus pouted playfully, “and she chose  _ Simon.” _

The sound of a fire message colliding with his wards stopped Magnus from pointing out that Simon would probably love her for all of those reasons too, and that was more than so many others might.

He let the message slip through, watching as Alexander caught it with a practiced pinch, stepping back as he read it.

“Well?”

He held up the page, letting it burn out in his grasp, ignoring the magic fire that licked at his hand, “Jia has accepted my terms. In one month, at maximum, I am to report to her to be sworn in as the High Inquisitor of the Clave in Alicante, at which point all the duties affiliated with the position will be mine. The announcement of my appointment is being made at tomorrow's council. She is imposing a moratorium on contacting me for two weeks.”

Magnus swallowed, “It’s better than we expected her to go for and the contact restriction is a gift.” He hoped he sounded as unaffected as he was trying to.

“Inquisitor.” Alexander repeated, huffed a laugh, “Well I guess it’ll make quite a splash when I announce my intention to continue living in New York. The permanent portal in the institute should suffice for the commute.”

“I understand the sentiment and I appreciate it, but Alexander, do you think that’s the best course of action? The council is unstable and with the changes you hope to make wouldn’t it be better to toe the line, just on this one thing?”

Alexander flinched and Magnus frowned.

“You want me to live in Alicante?”

Magnus nodded slowly, “I think you need to be where the action is, without having to race there every time something happens. It would be the best for what you are trying to achieve, you need a finger on the pulse, as it were.”

Magnus felt like they were having two separate conversations as he watched Alexander shrink in on himself for a moment before straightening, his boyfriend melting into the trained Shadowhunter as he took another step away.

“Right. I need to advocate for the downworld. That comes first,” Magnus stepped forward and Alec stepped back, “That means living in Alicante. Away from you.”

Alexander’s chin tipped up but his hazel eyes were searching and Magnus cursed himself, of course Alec wouldn’t have realized, he had no way of knowing.

“No. Alexander, not away from me.”

“Magnus, even with what you did the Clave isn’t going to allow a Downworlder access to the Inquisitor’s apartments, not right away. Maybe once I get a foothold, but at first-”

Magnus hated the distant look in Alexander’s gaze and the tension in his shoulders.

“The Clave actually can’t stop me,” He brushed his ear cuff, uncertain what Alexander would think of this, “I’m too strong. No one’s wards could keep me out anymore. I can portal to you whenever you’d like, though we’d have to be discretionary until you drag Nephilim culture into the new era.”

“You can-Alicante?”

Alexander looked surprised but hopefully, licking his lips and softening his stance as he shuffled a little closer, eyes bright.  _ Lilith,  _ but he was beautiful.

“Yes. I...when I killed Lilith, all of her power came to me. Most of my father’s lives in me now too. I don’t want anyone else to know, but Alexander, no one will ever come between us because I am not strong enough, not again.”

Alexander cupped his cheeks, “I never thought you were weak, we were against impossible odds, over and over, and you always came through. You really have all of that magic? It’s not hurting you?”

Magnus smiled, leaning into his touch and letting his eyes shine gold, “It’s not hurting me. I have the bloodline and the strength to wield it.”

“Raziel, you’re a wonder.” Alexander whispered the words and then he was kissing Magnus, his lips warm and moist and the sweep of his tongue belied his sudden hunger. Magnus had the thought they should, maybe, slow down a little, but he didn’t try to stop Alexander from pulling him in close.

He parted his lips and sunk into the feel and taste of the man he loved, the man he’d missed, like Alexander was his very soul and he’d left it behind on some distant shore he was only just returning to. He wrapped his arm around Alexander’s waist, fingers curling too hold onto him tighter even as Alexander’s firm hold kept him close, their hips pressed together.

A tilt of Alec’s head drew them deeper into one another and he stumbled back, pulling Magnus with him, refusing to stop kissing him, aiming for the general direction of the bedroom.

“Fuck. Sorry guys.” Jace’s voice finally made them come up for air, Magnus half falling into Alexander as they stopped abruptly, though Alec’s hold on his waist kept him upright.

“Blondie.” Magnus grumbled, though Jace actually did look properly apologetic the expression was quickly giving way to a shit-eating grin.

“I can go Alec.”

Magnus turned to Alexander but he was glaring at his parabatai wordlessly. Magnus straightened, taking a breath to clear his head. Despite how good it felt to lose himself in Alexander again, he thought they maybe needed a few more days before they really got physical again. Both of them were too good at using sex to avoid hard topics and they had somethings about Magnus’ time in Edom and Alec’s impending promotion, at the least, to iron out.

“No, Jace. It’s alright. Better that we keep our hands, mostly, to ourselves for the moment I think. Did Biscuit get back safe?”

Whatever Clary had said Magnus knew Jace would’ve glamoured himself and followed her home.

“Are you sure? Because Alec, man, I can feel,” Jace made a vague gesture at Alexander’s crotch, “All of that and I mean, I don’t think a cold shower is going to cut it.”

“I forgot how much of a bastard you are about this.” Alec mumbled, flipping Jace off as he stepped a little further away from Magnus. 

“Sorry man, we had the bond too locked down to give me many chances the first time and well...you’re one to talk.”

Magnus looked between them, amused.

“ ‘Wow Jace, taking up a new hobby? I didn’t think wood-working was in high demand?’ ‘Careful parabatai, your sword arm’s looking a little unbalanced.’ ‘When we learned Nephilim are mostly immune to STD’s that wasn’t a challenge.’ Do I need to continue?”

Alexander looked annoyed, and maybe a little proud of himself when he caught the  _ delighted  _ look on Magnus’ face.

“Alec, man, you are the saltiest, sassiest fucker when you’re hard up and whatever reason Magnus has for not helping you out, I hope you guys resolve it soon because I  _ cannot  _ relieve Clary finding out about the shadow world in that level of detail.”

Magnus opened his mouth but Alexander was faster, “I was definitely an ass sometimes, but it wasn’t just because I was “thinking with my stele” and you know it.”

“Angels, it’s already starting. Magnus, put him out of his misery soon alright?”

“Oh, don’t worry Jace, I intend to.” Magnus grinned brightly even as Jace made a disgusted face and Alexander rolled his eyes, “Now, Biscuit?”

“She’s home safe and sound.”

Alec smiled, “You want Magnus to fill you in?”

Jace smacked his shoulder as he moved past them to dramatically fall onto the couch, “Duh. Then, and we’ve earned this today, we should have a fuckin’ drink.”

“We certainly have several things to celebrate.” Magnus chimed, prodding Jace’s arm until he made enough room that both Magnus and Alexander would also fit on the couch, Alec in the middle.

“I know that face, what happened?”

Alexander smiled a little, “Jia agreed. I’m to be named Inquisitor. It’s official tomorrow morning and I’ll be sworn in next month.”

“Angel’s-fucking-wept! Now we can get some shit  _ done.  _ Do you know if she’s going to-” Jace stopped, the grin that had lit his face fading as he looked between the two of them, “What about you and Magnus?”

Alec glanced at Magnus and he made a choice. Parabatai were two halves of a whole, Jace had already proven himself and Magnus trusted him just as much as he trusted Alexander. Besides, he knew that they both took the oath very seriously and from what he’d gathered it was fairly literal too, Magnus was just as much Jace’s as he was Alexander’s, if in entirely different ways.

“Well, let me fill you in on darling Biscuit and then we can unpack exactly how Alicante is going to work.”

-

Three days, and many, many “So you could do this? You could break through that?” questions from Jace later and things had finally settled into a routine at the loft.

A strange one maybe, but Magnus wasn’t complaining. Waking up with two Shadowhunters in his bed, Alexander cuddled close and Jace curled tight with a pillow between him and Alec was normal. Finding both of them cooking or reading or sparring on the roof, talking plenty but moving without needing to communicate where they were reaching or what they were doing, brought him a deep contentment. Just seeing Alexander comfortable, growing more comfortable each day and getting to join them, slotting in with surprising ease when he’d sparred with them yesterday, was a gift.

He was working a shard of seelie glass into powder in a pestle, Jace methodically rolling spearmint and pressing the juices out, and Alexander meticulously stirring and adding ingredients, one eye on the book Magnus had open, when there was a ripple in his wards. He huffed, pausing in his grinding to allow the familiar signature entry. They couldn’t pause at this step, normally it took him hours to get this far but the extra hands were making a world of difference and if he could finish this potion in the next hour he’d be able to make it very clear to Silas why he was displeased to have been called on so soon after coming back and collect double the payment. 

“Hello?” Isabelle’s voice rang out and Alexander’s head jerked up, Jace snorted, neither of them paused their movements.

“They’re in there.” Simon, no doubt able to hear them easily. Maybe smell them, but Magnus tried not to think about that too much.

“Yes we are. Occupied hands, I’m afraid, or one of us would’ve come to greet you properly. Close the front door would you?”

Isabelle, dark hair held back from her face with a lovely band of silver, looked as lovely and lively as he remembered and he set his task aside long enough to embrace her, glad when she allowed it.

“We missed you Magnus.”

“Well we were kinda pissed at you there for a bit, but yeah, mostly we missed you.”

Magnus laughed at Simon even as Isabelle frowned at him. 

“Seth, always too honest for your own good.”

“Hey!”

“What’s going on Izzy?” Alec asked, dividing his attention between the potion and his sister as Magnus resumed crushing the seelie glass.

“I just thought it was high time I stopped by. I wanted to congratulate my brother on his promotion, maybe with a hug, but it looks like you’re too busy for that right now.”

Jace snorted again, “Some dick showed up here this morning, very dramatically claiming that only Magnus’ potion would be effective and that he simply had to have it by this evening or it would be the end of his very promising career. Apparently the thing he wanted takes like, twelve hours, so Alec and I volunteered to speed things up.”

“It was his daughters career he was on about, this potion makes the user more alluring and enhances their natural intrigue and charm. He insisted this was just to give her a little boost in the door of her new modeling career, but I’ve met the poor girl, the potion won’t carry her far. I’m almost certain she’ll prefer it that way.” Magnus finished powdering the glass, handing it to Alexander and dusting his hands.

“I’m almost done, Iz, promise. As soon as Jace has the mint finished Magnus has to take over and I’m all yours.”

Isabelle smiled, “It’s alright, wouldn’t want to infringe on the weird brothers craft.”

Simon laughed and Magnus’ couldn’t help but chuckle also, even as Alec’s eyes narrowed at his sister and Jace scowled.

“I’m done Alec.” Jace held the bowl of mint juice out and after adding it carefully, Alexander traded Magnus places so he could do the actual magic portion of the process.

“Simon, let’s get you a change of clothes and then you and me are going to make sure you’re not slacking off without me around.” Jace grabbed his arm and Simon frantically looked around, talking rapidly about how unfair it was as Jace drug him away.

“He’s going to get his ass handed to him.” Isabelle sounded exasperated but very fond as she watched them.

“He’s got to learn eventually.” Alexander said, pressing a kiss to the side of Magnus’ head and stepping around the table. Isabelle tipped her head toward the living room and they went, leaving Magnus alone to finish his work. 

In the peace he allowed himself the tender little smile that working with Jace and Alexander on something so close to his heart had drawn out of him. Potion making was a major part of the warlock arts and the parabatai had taken to it respectfully and eagerly. Well Alexander had been eager, Jace supportive and willing but not as invested. 

Magnus thought of Alec quietly asking if they could do this more often and had to stop himself from infusing the potion with the love he felt.

-

“You look good big brother.” Izzy leaned against the kitchen counter, watching Alec as he brewed them some tea. He shrugged.

“Alec, come on! You look like you’ve been sleeping, you’re smiling, and I saw that little kiss!”

Alec huffed, refusing to acknowledge that was still smiling as he pulled several mugs out, “I thought Jace was keeping you informed?”

Izzy  _ thwacked  _ him lightly, “He’s giving me the bare minimum, just that ‘things are going well and Magnus and Alec are talkin’ which, hello! Does not tell me nearly enough. So. Spill.”

Alec carefully shook loose leaf into a diffuser to avoid looking at his annoying, loving sister, “It’s good. He-we...we’re back together and we’ve worked out what we’re going to do while I’m in Alicante.”

Izzy made a delighted noise, “Alec put the tea down.”

He knew that tone, knew there was no way out of it, not that he really minded. He stopped fussing with the tea and turned in time to catch Isabelle in his arms as she hugged him hard.

“Gotta breath Iz.”

“Not for another minute you don’t.” She snarked into his shoulder as she did her level best to crush him. When she finally let him go he sucked in an exaggerated breath.

“Are you sassing me right now?”

Alec rolled his eyes, “Is that really what you’re going to focus on? I thought the inquisition was here?”

Izzy put a hand on her hip, tossing her hair, “Oh, I am definitely going to grill you but that’s more fun with Magnus around now that I know things are good.”

“I see. This wasn’t about checking on me, it was about strategizing your need for gossip.”

“Someone is not getting laid.” Izzy said, just as Jace and Simon passed the kitchen, headed for the roof.

“I told you bro, salty and sassy.” Jace called, sounding smug.

Alec growled at them both and turned back to making tea. He wasn’t  _ that  _ bad and yeah, maybe he had gone a year with absolutely nothing, but it wasn’t like he’d even felt the urge most of that time. Magnus just brought  _ every  _ part of him back to life, was all. 

Izzy’s hand landed on his arm gently, “Really, Alec, I’m glad that you two are managing to work things out. Did you tell him, about the deal?”

“I told him everything. I showed him my memories.”

Izzy sucked in a breath, “Wow.”

“Yeah, well, he deserved to know.”

“He did. I’m proud of you big brother.”

This time Alec pulled her into a hug, “Stay for dinner?”

“It’ll take at least that long for Jace to decide he’s wiped the floor with my boyfriend enough times.”

-

After Izzy and Simon had left that evening Jace announced that Clary had invited him over for a movie night and something she and her friends called “Midnight Mimosa’s and Mistakes” where they drank at midnight and revealed their biggest art fuck-ups of the last few weeks.

Alec found himself alone with Magnus, with a guaranteed stretch of time and a text from Jace promising he’d be okay in the guest room, if he got, and here he’d typed several eggplant emoji’s, from the bond.

He wasn’t...nervous wasn’t the right description. He was a bit tentative about initiating anything because he knew that Magnus wanted them to be on as even of footing as possible, acknowledging that some things only time could really smooth over. Alec knew that so much time apart and so much pain wasn’t gone just because they’d had some good conversations.

He also knew that he was never going to love anyone the way he loved Magnus Bane and everything that was left was about relearning to be comfortable and confident in their relationship and to manage his grief separate from what had come between them in healthier ways. Part of regaining the sense of equilibrium was in the physical. Not that he’d ever thought it was a necessary part of every romantic relationship, but for him and Magnus it was a meeting ground, a sharing of themselves, a touchstone.

Magnus was humming. He was beautiful, gold shimmer on his cheeks and collar bone where his green shirt fell open enough to reveal it. Barefoot as he was with comfortable black pants and his glamor down the way he looked meant Alec felt cracked open by the soft feeling that swept through him. He was swaying a little, fingers dancing with his blue magic as he bottled the potion they’d made and sent it on it’s way with a flourish.

“You’re gorgeous.” Alec told him, unable to keep it in.

Magnus turned to him with a surprised little breath, lips parted and eyes warm.

“High compliments from someone as lovely as you.”

“It’s true. You’re gorgeous and I want you to take me to bed.” Being straight-forward had served him best in the past and he knew that Magnus secretly enjoyed how open he was when he wanted something.

Magnus blinked, slitted pupils widening in the way that Alec adored.

“As long as blondie knows not to climb into bed when he gets back.” Magnus kept his tone light and Alec grinned.

“He knows.”

Magnus came toward him then, hips rolling with intention and expression set, “Then, Alexander, it would be my privilege.”

Alec would’ve laughed, but he was breathless as Magnus moved them, hands pressed to Alec’s chest as he walked them through the loft until Alec was falling into golden sheets. 

“I missed this.” He admitted, hands reaching for Magnus’ shirt as his boyfriend knelt over him.

“I did too. I missed you.” Magnus helped him pull his shirt off and then they were kissing. Magnus pressed gentle kisses to Alec’s mouth, not lingering enough for Alec to deepen them, until Alec made a frustrated noise, leaning up to chase his mouth. He dipped back down and Alec eagerly opened for him, humming as Magnus’ talented tongue pressed against his.

He let Magnus drag his bottom lip between his teeth, arching up so they were pressed together more and tugging until Magnus was laying on him, a comforting weight. He leaned up again, drawing him into a deeper kiss and rolling his hips, trying to find the friction he knew would make them both catch fire.

Magnus’ hands slid down, pressing and stilling his hips even as he drew away from Alec’s mouth. Alec made a noise and reached up for him but Magnus laughed a little.

“You are wearing too much Alexander.”

“So are you!”

Magnus rolled his eyes fondly, “I don’t have my shoes on.”

Alec blushed at the reminder, “Oh.”

Magnus snapped and they were both only in pants and Alec reached for him again, pouting when he shook his head again.

“I want to make one thing  _ very  _ clear Alexander.”

Magnus sounded serious and Alec paid close attention, pushing himself up on his elbows, intent.

“It’s been a little while and I gathered that you haven’t done much in the way of allowing yourself pleasure,” Alec felt himself blush, “and I want you to know I have no expectations about how this is going to go. I also want you to know, that as long as you-” Magnus faltered for a moment then his voice strengthened, “as long as you live, you’re the only one who will ever share my bed, no matter what happens between us.”

Alec blinked at him, tempted to make a joke about Jace’s sleeping quarters, but the sincerity in Magnus’ face stopped him, “You don’t have to promise that Magnus,” he opened his mouth to protest but Alec shook his head, “You don’t have to but I appreciate it and I...I’m glad that you did. I’m never letting you go again, so it’s a bit of a moot point, but that you.”

Magnus’ answering smile made his breath stutter. Angel, he was so lucky.

“Now get down here.” Alec was relieved that this time when he tugged Magnus dropped back down to kiss him again.

“Pants.” He managed as Magnus moved from his mouth to kiss over his deflect rune, no doubt ready to leave as many marks as he liked, especially since Alec had nowhere to report to for weeks.

Magnus hummed against his throat and they were both naked. 

Alec gasped as they pressed together, closing his eyes and savoring the burning warmth of Magnus’ skin against his own, soft all over, the light scrape of his leg hair making Alec shiver.

Magnus bit at his shoulder, rolling their hips together and Alec moaned, hands flying down to knead Magnus’ buttcheeks as he did it again.

“Like this?” Magnus whispered, letting his magic spread lube between them as he ground against Alec.

“Yes. Anything, Magnus, I’ll-” Alec swallowed, pressing his hips into Magnus’ slow thrusts, “I’ll take anything just-” He moaned as the head of Magnus’ cock rubbed against his own, “love me.”

Magnus kissed him again and Alec was lost to the heat of his mouth and the insistent press of their bodies sliding together until he felt Magnus’ hand pressed to his thigh, nudging until he bent at the knees and let him settle between his legs properly. 

The change in angle as Magnus thrust against him again, their cocks sliding against each other, drew another low groan from Alec, his fingernails pressing hard into Magnus’ hips.

“Want to feel you, missed it, missed you.” Alec told him between messy kisses.

Magnus pulled away enough to get a hand between them and Alec managed not to protest the movement, anticipating the outcome. Magnus was careful, magic and fingers and warm love working over Alec’s body until he was ready for more.

Alec could feel tears burn as Magnus slid home inside of his and he smiled to reassure him even as he felt one slide over his temple. Magnus bent and kissed the wet trail gently.

“I love you.” He whispered in Alec’s ear and Alec couldn’t stop the sob that left him at that, winding his arms around Magnus and pulling him close.

“I love you too.” He rasped, kissing Magnus’ shoulder.

“Oh darling.” Magnus sighed and then he was moving, long slow rolls that made Alec gasp, grip loosening until Magnus could push himself up enough to watch Alec.

Golden eyes were swallowing him, burning, wonderful heat pooling between them as Alec let himself go, let Magnus take the shattered thing he’d become and pour his love between the pieces until it was something new. Watching the way Magnus’ mouth opened and his eyes fluttered as he thrust into Alec, he thought maybe he was helping remake Magnus too.

“ _ Alec.”  _ Magnus gasped, “My Alec.”

Alec let his nails dig into Magnus’ back, “Always.” He breathed, mind hazy with pleasure as Magnus worked into him. Magic curled around his cock and he gasped.

“ _ Oh. I-Oh.” _

Neither of them lasted long then and Alec watched Magnus fall apart even as his own orgasm crested.

Magnus slid away, laying pressed to his side as they both regained their breath and Alec couldn’t stop grinning.

“Can’t get that in Edom.” Magnus panted, sounding pleased with himself.

Alec lazily swatted at him, “Might’ve if I’d known you were there.”

Magnus pushed himself up and looked at him, “You would come to hell, for a booty call?”

“No.” Alec rolled his head, “I’d go for you.”

Magnus ducked, pressing his lips to Alec’s shoulder.

“You’re something else Alexander.”

“I’m sticky, is what I am.”

Magnus snorted, looking at Alec who tried for his best imperious eyebrow raise. They stared at each other, desperately hanging onto their serious expressions until Alec felt his lips wobble and then both of them were laughing hysterically.

“I thought I’d never hold you again.” Magnus gasped, between laughs that were starting to sound more like sobs, his golden eyes wet.

Alec wrapped an arm around him, pulled him into his chest as he rolled onto his side. Magnus snapped them clean and then his shoulders were shaking as Alec held him tight.

“I’m right here. We’re both right here.” Alec murmured. He wasn’t worried, though he didn’t like seeing Magnus cry he knew that sometimes the catharsis came after the sudden rush of endorphins. He just held Magnus as long as he needed.

“Look at me-” Magnus sniffled, “crying after sex.”

“I cried while you were  _ inside  _ me. There’s no pride here.”

Magnus laughed a little, a hiccup of a sound and Alec knew it was safe to loosen his grip a little.

“Well I think it was all pretty perfect.” Magnus smiled up at him and Alec nodded, “Anything with you usually is.”

“You’re a charmer Alexander Lightwood.”

“Only post-orgasm.”

Magnus laughed.

-

Breakfast, late breakfast because they’d waited for him, was a noisy affair. Jace was happily recounting his night with Clary and her friends and proudly listing the memories that she’d regained in the last few days. Thankfully they were harmless things, moments from her relationship with Jace, drawing Alec with his bows, easy things that reminded her of the people who loved her.

When Alec wasn’t appropriately enthused Jace pursed his lips, starting in on him about certain  _ feelings  _ that had bled through their bond and all the dark purple mark staining his jaw. Sue him, Magnus was a possessive bastard when he felt like it. 

He was only half-listening as he cut into Alexander’s perfectly made french toast.

“That’s why we agreed to mute the bond in the first place, you can’t tell me I let  _ that  _ much through!”

“No. We are definitely not closing it off again, but damn dude, whatever was happening  _ I  _ got the endorphin rush okay.”

“Jace! You-”

Magnus’ attention was distracted by a fire message bearing the Clave’s signature.

He caught it, setting his fork down and reading it quickly.

_ M. Bane, _

_ It has come to the attention of the Office of the Consul that your involvement in the Edomei Rift one year ago was instrumental to the effort to save Alicante. In appreciation of this fact and regarding as of yet unconfirmed changes we are expecting, the Office of the Consul, in agreement and cooperation with the Spiral Council, extends the probationary position of High Warlock of Alicante _ .

_ Please respond within the week to confirm your acceptance. Details to follow _

_ J.Penhallow _

_ Consul _

Magnus didn’t say a word as he passed the letter to Alexander who scanned over it and then paused to read it properly before handing it to Jace and watching Magnus.

“Well?” Jace demanded.

Magnus looked into hazel eyes, his future stretching before him there.

“I suppose I won’t have to sneak around to visit after all.”

Alexander grinned, leaning in for a kiss only for another fire message to interrupt.

Magnus glared at it, guessing it was the details he was promised until he realized it was addressed to Alexander.

He slid his chair so they could read it together and felt his magic curling as they opened it.

_ Lightwood, _

_ Your interference and disgusting lifestyle aren’t welcome here. Decline the Inquisitors office or we will be forced to take steps. Your sisters Vampire may be able to walk in the sun but he can still lose his head. _

_ You have 48 hours to comply. _


	9. Alec/Magnus&Jace: Retrievals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was a lot more...technical action than intended. Enjoy!  
> Ah,   
> TW: Discussion of losing parents toward the end.

“He left last night to visit Maia, when he didn’t come back I figured they were having a movie night or something. I called her as soon as I got your message but she said Simon left around midnight. If someone grabbed him it had to have been between Taki’s and the Institute.” Izzy was leaned forward, hands dancing over the map illuminated on the war table they were gathered around.

“I cannot believe someone grabbed Simon.” Jace huffed, “Again.”

“We really have to clarify to our enemies what a vacation is.” Magnus added.

Alec just blew out a breath. Just a few hours had passed since they’re breakfast had been interrupted and he was not pleased to be back in the Institute. It didn’t help that passing shadowhunters kept staring over at them and whispering. He’d heard Magnus’ name enough times to understand what had them so agitated.

“I notified Jia of the situation. Based on the fire message I would guess that this was orchestrated by someone in Alicante, we don’t have authority there. She cleared us for operations within the city if it comes to that. I would guess that whoever is holding Simon is probably regretting it about now.” Alec glanced around the table as he spoke.

“If he’s conscious.” Jace said with a touch of a smile, ignoring the glare Izzy sent his way. They all could feel the tension in the air. Simon was family, strong enough on his own now, but still one of theirs. 

“Patrols are on alert, Maia has the pack out looking, but without a starting place there’s nothing for us to do…” Izzy tapped the map again, enlarging the section around Taki’s. Alec watched her examine the map, like the layout of roads could give her answers.

“Underhill even pulled the mundane security cameras in the area, but there’s just...nothing.” Izzy zoomed out again and Alec reached for her hand, squeezing her fingers in his.

“We can try tracking him again.” Jace offered, already reaching for Alec to parabatai track, when Izzy nodded.

“Wait.” Magnus said slowly. Alec knew that tone, he was thinking about something that might help.

“Jace, you and Simon have a blood connection. If I can tap into that I might be able to track him through it, it’s not something that is typically warded against and most deflection runes aren’t-” Magnus hesitated but Alec could see what he meant, so could Jace who nodded and switched gears.

“What do you need from me?”

“Nothing dramatic, just a little blood.” Magnus moved quickly so Jace, mouth open, didn’t have time to protest. He flicked one of his fingers, a sharp fingered ring sliced over Jace’s wrist and red welled up. Alec just shrugged at the affronted look Jace tossed him, he could feel how worried Jace was for Simon, his little show didn’t affect Alec.

“Magnus-”

“Hush.” Magnus slid his fingers through Jace’s blood, blue magic blooming around the red as his eyes closed. He hummed and Alec swallowed. He was beautiful, dressed in black and gold with his fingers dipped in red. He was like a painting, frozen as he worked to find their missing daylighter.

The flame of his magic vanished and he opened his eyes, brown flickering over gold faster than most might catch and stealing a little of Alec’s breath. 

“You were right to contact Jia. He’s in Alicante. I can get a better sense of exact location if I can get closer.”

“By the angel, Magnus! How did you track him over that much distance?” Izzy asked, her eyes wide with surprise and no small amount of hope.

Magnus just smiled at her and spun his fingers around, “A good magician never tells.”

“I’ll let Jia know we’re coming. Gear up.” Alec pulled Jace’s arm toward him, running his stele over his Iratze and watching the small cut close up. 

“Magnus?”

“With you, darling.” 

Alec nodded and separated from his siblings to call Jia, Magnus pacing at his side as he headed for Izzy’s office. 

Magnus snapped a silencing spell on the door as Alec pulled Izzy’s tablet toward him across the desk, opening up a line to the Consul’s office with his newly acquired access codes.

“Mr. Lightwood.” Magnus stepped up beside him and Alec leaned into the arm he wrapped around his waist, “Mr. Bane.”

Jia looked tired, her tablet obviously to one side of her, her other hand stopped over a page with a pen in hand. They had clearly interrupted her but she’d accepted the call so Alec wouldn’t apologize.

“Consul Penhallow. We’ve managed to track Simon Lewis’ location. He is in Alicante, I am leading a small retrieval into the city, requesting that Magnus be given access so we can continue to track Simon.”

Jia looked between them and Alec was struck with the realization that this was the first time in almost a year that Jia was actually seeing either of them. No doubt she’d noticed the runes on his cheeks but she could also see that he and Magnus were once again a united front.

“Granted. You realize, of course, that you might have to arrest some...higher standing members of the clave?”

Alec tried not to roll his eyes, “I am prepared for that outcome. I know, Consul, that my appointment was hardly a popular one. I also know that anyone who would use family to threaten me is not deserving of their standing, regardless of their political opinions. I fully intend to bring them in and see that justice is served for their crimes.”

Jia took a slow breath, her jaw flexing, “Very well. I would normally advise against such an upset so soon after your appointment, but, Inquisitor, I assume that you have plenty of plans to ‘rock-the-boat’ as it were. At the very least, you’re starting off with a clear line for the other’s to toe.”

Alec nodded, “I admit it’s less subtle than I’d like, but it is more than time for the Clave to leave archaic lawmaking behind and those who would allow this impasse to slide with no more than a slap on the wrist should know, I intend to make changes, when I am officially sworn in, still in a month. Get on the right side or face the consequences.”

He watched the way her lips pressed tighter at the reminder, he was doing this because he was personally involved but he was still not taking the post until his allotted time was over. He would not give up the time he needed with Magnus to give them both a solid foundation. There was a message that needed sending with this threat, but after he fully intended to take Magnus up on the offer to portal anywhere they wanted and just  _ be.  _

“And you Mr.Bane? I have yet to hear anything in response to the position I offer you.”

Magnus smiled at her, his cool politically smile, “Apologies, my intended reply was rather...disrupted by this morning’s events. I am, of course, glad to accept the position of High Warlock. I will need time to settle my affairs here in New York, say, about a month?”

Jia’s hand that was still holding a pen twitched, giving her away. She had clearly hoped that if Magnus accepted the position she could at least get Alec to Alicante sooner.

“Of course. I will send details your way, after the issue at hand is resolved. I will clear Mr. Bane for entry into the city immediately. Good Hunting, Mr. Lightwood.”

Alec inclined his head as she cut the call and leaned into Magnus’ side for another moment.

“Well, I know I’ve seen it before, but you are a shark Alexander.” Magnus said, sounding proud. Alec offered him a small smile.

“I was actually trained for politics, you remember?”

Magnus pressed a kiss to his shoulder, “I do. Let’s go get Simon back so Izzy stops looking so frantic.”

Alec raised an eyebrow, his sister had only gotten better at hiding her feelings since she took over the Institute.

“Please. I may have been away a while, but I could write a book on Lightwood tells. She can’t stop messing with the damn map and her eyeliner is wider than usual, probably because she was shaky this morning.” Magnus touched Alec’s chin.

“You and Jace aren’t any better, you’re just trying to play cool for her. Now, if anyone’s harmed the irritating vampire, I can promise them pain beyond imagining, and that they will survive it for you to arrest them.”

Alec couldn’t, and didn’t want to, help but kiss Magnus. Just once and just a soft brush of the lips, but still.

“Let’s go.”

-

Alicante. The demon towers burning bright white all around him, Nephilim moving about cobblestone streets, their crisp dress made stranger for the complete lack of technology. The gas lamp posts weren’t just for show here. 

Magnus spared a moment to wonder what his companions thought of the lack of response the demon towers showed. Usually even one demon-blooded being, like himself, was enough to send a low level alarm out but there was no reaction. Izzy and Jace hadn’t even blinked when he’d opened a portal directly at the edge of the city and walked right through the wards. Alec had winked at him.

“Alright, let’s-” Alec tapped his arm where his stealth run was and the others nodded. Magnus waited patiently, he’d already wrapped a glamour around himself that would function like the stealth rune and had the bonus of making him appear like a Nephilim himself, should anyone break through the stealth barrier. 

“Okay. Magnus, can you get a better read on Simon?” Izzy sounded strained and he could see her clenching and unclenching her fingers, desperate to move.

Magnus wordlessly held out his hand to Jace who rolled his eyes, pushed his sleeve up, and gave Magnus his arm. He only pricked him this time, needing less blood for the trace since they were so close. He tapped the tip of his pinky to the red droplet that rose, allowing his magic to follow the thread of it into the aether, seeking Simon.

He inhaled as he settled back into himself, the extra awareness of a tracking spell fading. He opened his eyes and found himself looking directly at Alexander who was watching him, hazel eyes sparkling. Magnus blinked, he needed to focus. 

“I’ve got him.”

“Lead on.” Jace made a gesture and Magnus spun on his heel, weaving them through the narrow side streets of the Nephilim city. He couldn’t help but look around as they went, shops denoted by a mixture of latin signage and runes, a blend of languages spoken in the street, though most prevalent were English and Latin. 

It struck him, as they shuffled out of the way of a woman and small child that here really were the Nephilim. The angel-blooded beings, yes, but not the Shadowhunters. So many were not warriors, just people going about their lives, tucked away from the modern world in this place. For a moment Magnus felt immeasurably sad.

Too live detached from others, separated by culture, tradition, and literal magic and raising children who, if you were not an active Shadowhunter, you were likely to outlive. Alexander’s hand brushed his and he shook himself, now was not the time.

He hurried through another open thoroughfare and into a small alley. A narrow doorway opened into it from a dark house and he nodded at it, “Here.”

Jace whistled even as Alexander’s expression darkened and Izzy gasped, “The Bleakfallow’s?”

“They were strong supporters of Malachi, but not directly implicit in the Circle.” Alexander explained, “They are also a strong voice on the council.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “Unfortunate for them.”

He clicked his fingers and their door swung open, the warding around the house folding like paper under his powers. He held out a hand, “People with swords first, I think.”

Izzy snapped her staff out and followed Jace inside, Alec waved Magnus in after her and he had to hold back a smile. Alexander was always trying to protect them all.

The faint shine of seraph blades and the even softer glow of Alexander’s adamas arrows lit the way as they carefully cleared the side entry and then a sitting room.

Jace paused and the very soft sound of taps came from him. Magnus frowned, confused, until Alexander made his own little tapping answer. They could hardly see for hand signs and stealth relied on quiet. Izzy tapped twice and she and Jace split to the right while Magnus stuck with Alexander. He might not know their code but he knew enough to follow Alec.

They cleared the rest of the first floor, Jace and Izzy likely having headed to the second floor, when Alexander nudged him gently and directed him toward the outline of a door.

He opened it slowly, feeling a secondary warding behind it that he peeled off. Alexander caught his arm as he stepped forward to head down. Magnus waited, unsure why they were paused.

Jace and Izzy joined them only a moment later and he understood. Alexander must have been focusing on sending a feeling of need to Jace so they didn’t have to try to go down separately. He figured the second floor must be clear since there was no communication made otherwise.

The four of them headed down, Jace in front of Magnus and Alec bringing up the rear again. At the base of the stairs they could see a strip of light coming from under a door to the right. It gave them enough illumination to see what was once an open basement had been divided with a brick wall. Jace and Alexander moved to cover the door and Magnus lifted his hands, fingers glowing blue. Izzy’s staff shifted into her whip beside him as they tensed.

Alexander whistled, a long wavering note. Muffled voices could be heard on the other side of the door and at the sound, Jace reached out and knocked twice. 

The door burst open, a man with light hair holding a seraph blade bursting through, only for Isabelle’s whip to slash across his face. He stumbled back and Magnus sent a burst of his magic through, forcing him fully out of the way so Alec and Jace could rush through. He followed them quickly, loathe not to be beside them.

Izzy followed him and then ran past him at the sight of Simon, shackled inside a small metal cage in the corner. The bars were almost certainly adamas and while Simon was better off against the substance than many others, he wasn’t immune. He jerked back at the commotion and Magnus heard him yelp when he slammed into the bars.

“Simon!” Isabelle called out to him and Magnus lost track as a blade was thrust at him. Jace was dealing with another young woman and Alexander was backing an older man in a suit into a corner, his bow levelled at the man’s chest.

The blonde with a bleeding gash across his forehead tried to stab Magnus again and he huffed. This one needed more training. He clicked his fingers and burning ropes of magic tied up both his assailant and Jace’s just as he disarmed her. He waited for Alexander’s orders for the third.

“You and your filth are not welcome in this city Lightwood.”

“I don’t know how you got Simon here, but you had to know it was never going to work.” Jace said.

“If the warlock had stayed out it, we might have succeeded. No matter, we will still see you removed from your position.”

“We?” Alexander’s voice was smooth, warm and attentive in the way he could sound when he wanted something from you. His drawn bow didn’t move.

“There are several prominent houses that can see the doom your appointment spells. Penhallow may believe that new blood, peaceful cooperation, and all of that soft idealism is what we need but there are those of us who know better. We remember the true nature of downworlders, we remember what happens when we  _ trust  _ them. You’re a blood traitor Lightwood, filthy by association. It’s only a shame you took your sister and your parabatai with you. I warned Jia, appointing a downworlder’s whore was a mistake-”

Magnus sent a curl of magic, licking over the man’s bare knuckles and making him scream in agony.

“Magnus.” Simon’s rough voice cut through his anger and he stopped. He needed to let Alexander handle this.

“You will give me names, won’t you?” 

The man laughed, shaky after Magnus’ attack, “Why? There’s nothing you can do to us. I didn’t hurt your vampire, in fact I could have you arrested for breaking into my home and attacking  _ us. _ ”

Alexander smiled and loosed his arrow, letting it bury into the brick beside the man’s head, the adamas sinking in as though the wall was butter. 

“I don’t think you understand what, exactly, is happening here.” Alec knocked another arrow but kept his draw loose, “Consul Penhallow cleared this retrieval, Simon might be a vampire but he can still put his hand on the sword and I am well within my rights to arrest you and anyone else I find might have helped you, both for abducting someone under the protection and employ of the New York Institute, blackmail, and threatening violence against an innocent. So you will give me names, now, or I will allow Magnus to have a turn.”

The man just sneered and Magnus reflexively tightened his hold on the other two, making the girl shriek in pain and the blonde man moan loudly.

“Simon.” Alec started, “Did he hurt you?”

“He didn’t but someone else hit me a few times, threatening to take my fangs. He called them Joshua. There was also a woman, about Izzy’s height, a scar on her temple?”

“Her name?” Alexander asked, casual.

The man against the wall, who Magnus figured must be a Bleakfallow, swallowed.

“Magnus?” 

He let his magic seep toward Bleakfallow who eyed it and just before it touched him started speaking quickly, “Thornwell, Magdalena Ravenscar, Theron Yewcraft, another who only wrote to me and refused to give their name. Please, don’t let him-” Magnus pulled his magic back.

Bleakfallow slumped in relief.

“Garrick, Miranda, and Benjamin Bleakfallow, by order of the Clave you are to be remanded to the Gard where you will await trial. You have the right to an advocate, to be requested at any time. Magnus, if you would?” 

Magnus dropped all three of them, not bothering to soften their falls.

“Thank you.” Alec put his bow away and hurried to kneel beside Izzy, Jace joining them as they examined the runes on the cage. Magnus kept an eye on their prisoners, confident they could open it without him. Sure enough the ringing of stele’s and then the clatter of the door falling open came quickly.

“Thanks for the save guys!. Again.” 

Simon climbed out, wincing as he went and stretching as soon as he had room to. 

“At least when I was a rat I didn’t have to sleep in a cage. Can we get out of here?” He asked and Magnus laughed at the good natured ribbing that Jace started. Isabelle was wrapped under one of Simon’s arms and Alexander dragged their prisoners together.

Magnus nodded at him and snapped open a portal, “Everybody grab a bad guy, I’m going to have to bring them around a little so we don’t misplace them on the way through.”

“Are you sure?” Jace asked, sounding a little put out and Magnus rolled his eyes.

“Only a handful of beings deserve that fate and unfortunately, these are not among them.”

-

They returned to the loft after making sure that Simon was settled, Isabelle asking Underhill to remain in charge for the night so she could spend time with him. He’d been chipper but Alec could see that he needed a few less people crowding him.

Jace had headed to Clary’s again, jittery.

“I hope you don’t think badly of me if I say I hope everything about their trials gets tied up in paperwork for a while.”

Alec laughed, hanging his jacket before turning and pulling Magnus into his arms, “Of course not. I, for one, just want everybody to get too busy to need us for a while. I want to take a shower with you and watch something terrible and-”

Magnus kissed him and Alec let himself fall into it. The soft press of Magnus’ lips and the light taste of his chapstick as Alec deepened it. They parted with smiles.

“We should get out of the doorway.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus tugged him back into a kiss and Alec hummed, ready to follow him into more, when a sharp panic tugged at him. He stepped back, blinked.

“Alexander?”

“Oh for-something’s wrong with Jace.”

Magnus’ soft worry changed immediately into a sharper sort of concern, by passing irritation as Alec pressed a hand to his side.

Magnus snatched a book, one that Jace had Izzy bring over, off the side table and Alec waited.

“He’s...he’s on his way here?”

Magnus frowned and Alec stepped away from the door just as Magnus’ eyes widened.

“Clary’s on her way up, I let her through the wards. I imagine Jace is with her, though I didn’t-oh. Yes. He’s just behind her a bit.”

Alec didn’t understand why Clary had come, especially because based on what Magnus said Jace had probably chased her.

The door flew open and Clary, eyes wet with tears and nose red, headed straight for Alec.

“You-you!” She looked enraged and Magnus threw a wall up between them while Alec raised his hands, confused. He had no idea what was happening.

She punched the wall of magic, “You  _ murderer!” _

Oh. He knew immediately what she’d remembered but it didn’t make it easier. When he’d been possessed and the demon had forced his hand through Jocelyn’s chest he didn’t know what it felt like to lose a parent, he’d been horribly guilty and it had taken a lot to get past it all but he hadn’t been able to connect with Clary’s loss the way he did now. He knew the ache of it, the constant desire to reach for someone who was no longer there, the lost feeling that snuck up out of nowhere. He knew how the grief could catch you over strange things, leave you hollow and hurt at the sight of a perfectly regular object.

It was different too, in that Clary had never blamed him in the moment. Sure, Iris had made him think that but this was...Clary was furious, screaming words he couldn’t make sense of over the ringing in his ears.

-

Jace was there, eyes wild as he looked between where Clary was raging, sobbing as she slapped her hands against the magic keeping her from touching Alec and Alec who was staring at her, perfectly still, no color in his face. Magnus stood to the side of them both, repeating Alec’s name.

“Clary! Clary, stop!”

Jace grabbed her and pulled her away. The numbness spreading through his bond with Alec was terrifying but he could only focus on one thing at a time. Magnus moved behind him, grabbing Alec tightly.

“He killed her! Jace I remember it, he took her heart!”

He pulled her down to the floor with him.

“Listen to me, Clary, I would never have forgiven him if he’d done that. Alec was possessed, a demon possessed him. You don’t remember that part yet. Alec would never, never have done that. It wasn’t him Clary.”

She shoved against him, “I remember-” 

“You remember watching a video, right?”

“Yes!” She sobbed.

Jace knew he had to try and drag the rest of the memory out of her, before she could make things worse, “Who was watching it with you? Who were you with Clary?”

“No! Alec, but I-”

“Clary, remember the first time you were here? Remember Alec on the balcony?”

She stopped fighting him as hard, glaring at Alec over his shoulder where Magnus was guiding him to sit down.

“I felt so bad for you.” She snarled and Jace hurried to cut her off before she could say something more awful.

“Clary. Stop. Alec was up there because of a spell, it made all of our fears more real that night and he heard you telling him you hated him and wished he died instead of your mom. Clary, he didn’t kill her. I promise you. Please, try to find the rest of the memory.” 

She sobbed harder and he tugged her close, holding her tightly and hoping. As he rocked her he reached for Alec and then he was crying, the tide of guilt and grief was back and when he turned to look over his shoulder as Clary cried he saw Alec.

He was staring at nothing, Magnus kneeling in front of him, hands pressed to his cheeks and talking fast. Alec didn’t acknowledge him and Jace remembered vividly the night he and Izzy found Alec in the bath, fully submerged.

“I-” Clary’s voice came from his throat, “Oh..Oh god.”

Jace squeezed her tighter, “Alec. Oh, no, no, Alec!” She squirmed until he let her go, crawling across the floor under Magnus’ watchful, worried gaze. 

“Hey, Alec?” She paused just in front of him, tentatively reaching for him. When no magic stopped her she took his hand, ignoring the way he flinched.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t...I only remembered seeing the footage.” She looked up at him, “It wasn’t your fault Alec, it wasn’t. I think…” She went a little unfocused, like she was remembering something, “I think she would’ve died anyways, if not you, someone else who was possessed would have found her that day. She was too closely tied to Valentine not to draw the demon.”

Alec blinked at her even as she repeated herself. Jace came to sit beside Alec, wrapping his arms around him to ground him.

“C’mon Alec. Come back.”

“I’m right here.” Alec mumbled as Magnus joined them on the couch, fingers squeezing over Alec’s knee.

“I’m so sorry.” Clary said again.

“It’s...it’s okay Clary. Just, next time, wait a while when you get a new memory?”

She nodded, wiping her eyes.

Jace pushed calm into the bond as Alec’s feelings started to subside, not gone but giving way for him to feel other things. He was tired, they all were, and Jace could feel that he wasn’t sure what he wanted, to be alone or not.

“Can Clary stay here?” Jace asked.

Magnus nodded, “Of course. The guest bedroom is yours if you want it, Bisquit. Are you going to be joining us Jace?”

Jace looked at Alec who curled his fingers into the sleeve of Jace’s shirt.

“I think I should.”

-

They didn’t go to bed right away, Magnus sat with Alexander while Jace showed Clary the bedroom and where to find extra toiletries. She came back after a while and sat leaning against Alec quietly. It seemed to help a great deal, the both of them.

Magnus forgot, with all the time between them, that Alec and Clary had finally reached equilibrium before everything fell apart. He remembered Alec hugging her tightly, promising she did the only thing any of them would have. She might not remember all of it yet, but Alexander certainly did.

When she left to go to bed Alexander sighed heavily, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize Alec, that was...I tried to stop her.” Jace grimaced but Alec shrugged.

“It’s okay. She’s always been a force of nature. I wasn’t ready for it.” He hesitated, but when Magnus rubbed a hand over his back continued, “It was bad, because now I understand what she lost, what I-what the demon took from her. I didn’t know, then, but now-”

Magnus brushed his fingers over the black lines on Alec’s cheeks.

“It will get easier, eventually, to think about. The hurt never goes away and there will always be hard days, but Maryse wouldn’t want you to suffer over her Alexander.”

Alec closed his eyes and leaned into Magnus.

“Can we just go to sleep?”

“Yeah.” Jace said and Magnus brushed a kiss to Alexander’s cheek.

“Tomorrow’s a new day.” He said, standing and reaching a hand toward Alec.

“A new day.” Alec repeated, taking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Join me next time for Alec is sad and Magnus knows a therapist and also how 'bout those Warlock markings huh?


	10. Alec/Magnus: Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very discouraging day as far as writing confidence goes so I decided to post this first half of the most recent chapter I  
> Was going to post a piece of art for this story with this but it was getting very choppy and I was out of sorts so, chapter today and one as soon as the art is finished!
> 
> Heavy discussion of Maryse's death at the beginning.

A light dusting of snow graced the balcony but did not drive Alec back inside. He watched the thick flakes drift down, most of them melting when they met stone. 

He was sitting on the wicker couch where he had kissed Magnus what felt like a lifetime ago. Inside he caught the occasional glimpse of Clary or Jace moving around the living room, looking at Magnus’ pictures and shelves. Magnus himself was likely going to join Alec before long.

He drew his jacket a little closer, staring into the open air at the sliver of New York he could see from his seat. Soon enough he would live in Idris, where the snow fell heavier and the busy, electronic, kinetic mundane world would be distant.

It was a strange thought. He knew that Jace considered Idris “home” but Izzy and Alec lacked the experience for that association. He thought of Idris with a mixture of fondness, for the celebrations and experiences he’d had there, and melancholy. It was a homeland that had been barred to the Lightwoods for most of his life. He was suited to the mundane world, the greasy foods and the press of people, in his own way. 

He wondered, quietly, what his mother would say to him. She had lived in Idris most of her life, before the Circle. She would know more about what he was feeling, the displacement he could imagine waited for him, for Magnus. 

Alec had no delusions, Magnus would thrive, as he always did. They would both need time to adjust, but Magnus was more malleable than Alec, more equipped for change. Not that he wasn’t going to portal both of them to New York whenever he felt like, of course.

The balcony door opened to reveal Magnus. He was dressed down in dark jeans and long sleeved shirt, eyeliner in place but no color in his hair and only one necklace on. 

“Cocoa?”

Alec smiled as Magnus handed him a mug of rich cocoa, the smell of chili curling in with the chocolate and reminding him of cold nights in his dad’s office. His parents had made them grow up too fast, but Alec had mostly forgiven them for it. Mostly. He still held onto the memories of when he was very small, sitting in the big leather chair while his mom helped him with a cup of homemade Mexican hot chocolate and his father rocked Izzy by the fireplace. 

Magnus sat beside him, wiping a thumb over his cheek and Alec realized, abruptly, that he had a tear there.

“Sorry.” Magnus murmured.

Alec shook his head, “You didn’t do anything. After last night I just, I keep thinking about my-” he took a deep breath to steady himself, “-my mom and what happened to her.”

Magnus set his own mug aside and draped an arm around Alec.

“I am here to listen, if you want.”

Alec blew slowly over the warm liquid, allowing the action to take his full focus. He could see her, almost. His mother was like an after-image pressed to his eyes even when they were fully open. When he wasn’t paying attention, she was there, a thought like a movement in the corner of his eye.

“I don’t-” Alec inhaled slowly, the steam curling into his nose and bringing a little warmth to the cold that had nothing to do with the weather, “I was the one they called in to identify her. I had to file so much paperwork with the mundanes to claim custody of her body before Luke could even think about organizing her funeral. She hadn’t had time to get any of that stuff in order yet, not in the mundane world. We buried her in blue.”

He looked into the mug so he didn’t have to look at Magnus, aware that, with Magnus beside him, the snow no longer reached him. Shadowhunters, the nephilim in general, were buried in white, they mourned in  _ white.  _

“I just, it’s not as bad now. For months I just wanted to say it to anyone who even looked at me. “My mother’s dead.” Just, wanted to blurt it out. I think I needed to say it out loud to make it real. I told Izzy and Jace but it wasn’t-” He made a noise in the back of his throat and the arm around him tightened, “I loved her. I’d just figured out how to really  _ love  _ her and she loved-” Alec’s throat was too thick suddenly.

Magnus pressed his nose to Alec’s hair, kissing his temple and staying pressed right against him as he said, “She loved you Alexander. Maryse loved you, she just didn’t know how to love you and make sure you were strong for a long time. She found her way out of the twisted thing the Clave made her think love should be, but she loved you long before she learned how to show you.”

Alec swallowed. He knew Magnus was right, however hard it was to remember that the years that his mother had spent so hardened toward her children were not years she did not love them. 

“The last time I saw her…”

Magnus’ breath in was loud and Alec remembered, that was one of the memories they’d shared. He made himself take a slow sip of his drink and then set it down with precise movements. Control was often in slow, careful movements and right then, Alec needed control.

“I was not  _ her  _ Alec the last time we spoke. I was  _ hurting  _ but there wasn’t time for that, not if we wanted to have a chance against Jonathon. She wanted me to talk to her, she loved you too and she wanted to help fix things. I couldn’t even really look at her. I gave her back the family ring, I was cold. I didn’t  _ talk  _ to her...I...that was the…” He shook his head and brought a hand up to rub at his brows.

Magnus slowly took his hand, warm brown fingers rubbing over his own cold ones.

“We can never know when the last time we talk to someone is, while it’s happening. I saw that moment Alexander and you were not cruel, you were not harsh. You were hurting and she saw that but you did not leave her with the idea you did not  _ want  _ her support, just that you couldn’t yet accept it.” Magnus squeezed his hand, “Grief is a slow thing, Alec. It’s not something you get to pull out and put away at will. It will creep up on you sometimes, leaking into even bright moments at times, it will catch you by surprise and leave you aching at others. Sometimes you will wonder why you  _ don’t  _ feel it, when something makes you think you should. That is the nature of it. The only thing we can do is learn to fill those moments with tender memories and reminders of the life we mourn. You can feel it, but don’t let it consume you.”

Alec nodded, leaning further into Magnus, “She would never have been  _ there  _ if I hadn’t given her back the ring, if I’d waited a little longer-”

“You can’t know that, Alexander. She may have been walking that way for something else if you hadn’t, she might have lived only to die somewhere else. It happened and it hurts but trying to find the thread that caused it in the chaos that is fate won’t change it.”

Magnus delivered the words with a soft but firm tone, his touch grounding Alec further. He closed his eyes and shifted until he was half laying against Magnus, cold nose pressed into his neck. They would have to talk about the ring, eventually, but he was glad Magnus was letting that go for now.

“It’s like she’s always right there, just out of sight. I think about telling her things, or showing her things. I sometimes buy things for her, for next time I see her, and then realize she’s...she’s gone all over again.”

Magnus made a soft humming sound, a single sustained note that didn’t judge. 

“It sounds like you’ve had a difficult time  _ accepting  _ that you’ve lost her.”

Alec couldn’t help the scoff that left him, “ _ Lost.  _ Like I’ll find her again, like I’ve just misplaced her somewhere and if I look hard enough, there she’ll be.” His voice raised as he spoke, growing harsher as he pushed away from Magnus a little.

Magnus’ eyes were gold but he didn’t say anything, just looked at Alec with love and a quiet, private sort of pain. Alec laid back against him. 

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean it like that, I know that you-” Angel, Alec was an idiot sometimes, “You know, almost better than I do, what this feels like.”

Magnus ran fingers through Alec’s hair, “It’s different, for everyone, everytime.”

They sat in silence then, finishing their cocoa in the quiet and watching the falling snow that didn’t ever reach them.

“Would you speak with a therapist, if I could recommend one who knows about the shadow world?”

Alec twisted to look at Magnus, thoughtful as he traced the worried lines of his face, the way his eyebrows drew down and his mouth pinched.

“Yes.”

The word was soft, but Alec meant it and Magnus smiled at him before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“We could both go, honestly maybe all of us should, but for now you and I. Separately for now. There’s...a lot that we could afford to work through for ourselves. Eventually, maybe, we should do a few sessions with someone together.”

Alec nodded, resisting the urge to shy away from the idea. Magnus already knew all of him and there was nothing to fear from a stranger who would be contracted to help them.

“That sounds...good.”

Magnus’ smile was softer, happier.

-

Magnus watched as Clary showed Alec pictures of some of her paintings, the two of them huddled close together on the couch as she scrolled through her phone with a smile. Jace sat on the floor, shoulders touching both his parabatai and Clary, a book in his lap. 

This, Magnus thought with a sweet, aching realization, was what his life would look like now. He’d been slowly growing used to it before, the presence of the others in and out but with all the crises happening they had never been  _ this.  _ This was not a frantic meeting to solve some major problem or the unexpected stay of a man stripped of his home. This was three people he cared about spending time together, comfortable in his home and with more than enough space for him to join. 

He had coaxed Alec back inside just a little while before and thought perhaps he would want space from everyone, but, Alec had happily joined Clary. He seemed a little lighter now. As he watched them, thinking about how they should have Isabelle and Simon join them for dinner sometime soon too, Jace looked up at him.

“Space for you.” He nodded to the spot beside Alexander.

Magnus waved a hand with a little bob of his head, unbothered where he stood near the dining table.

“Let me admire the scene a moment.”

Alexander looked up at him then, Clary leaning into his side a little further as she tapped her phone. He smiled at Magnus with tender hazel eyes and Magnus thought his heart had cracked open for the way that warmth flooded through him. 

He watched them a while longer, glad that Clary remembered enough to be comfortable here. After the night before, she and Alec seemed to need the closeness though neither of them talked about the events that had played out the previous evening. Alexander just hummed over her art and commented on the ones he liked or ribbed her about how many of the pieces she showed him were clearly Jace. Jace flicked Alec’s leg for every snide comment about inflating his ego.

“Did you want to see?” Clary asked, after a while, looking at Magnus.

He flashed her a smile, “I’d love to see them, particularly in a gallery. Maybe, even,” He snapped his fingers and a business card appeared in her hand, “this one. I know the owner and would be happy to show them your work.”

All three of them blinked at him and he winked back at them. Clary was examining the card and her gaze kept darting to him before she nodded, “That would be awesome.”

Magnus hummed, “Consider it done.”

She bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something else. He nodded at her and she took a deep breath, her green eyes determined. If there was one thing they all knew, when Clary got that look in her eye telling her no was impossible.

“I want to go to the Institute. I want to see if it helps me remember more, I want to see Izzy and Simon. I don’t...I don’t remember as much about them yet and I think I need to see them.” 

“That sounds reasonable to me, but it is the realm of shadowhunters.” He tipped his head in Alexander’s direction, habitually deferring to him when it came to the Institute.

“I can call Iz, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it. Outside of the Clave, things have been quiet lately.” He pushed off the couch, patting Jace’s shoulder as he jostled him. Clary stood too and Jace grumbled softly as he had to lean out of her way.

“Can I talk to her?” 

Alexander nodded, “Yeah, I just need to grab my-”

Magnus had been thinking about something, but he needed Jace alone for a moment, so he interrupted, “Take Clary with you darling, all of us on the phone might be too much. Particularly since Shelton is likely to join.”

Alec smiled at him and gestured for Clary to follow him into Magnus’ bedroom.

Jace watched them go before he moved from the floor to the couch. Magnus sat beside him with a little flourish and laughed aloud at the immediately suspicious look on his face.

“I knew you were up to something.” Jace grumbled.

Magnus winked, “I’m always up to something.”

Jace scowled but the light in his eyes was playful and Magnus only felt more solid in his choice.

“I assume you know how Alexander came to have the mark on his chest?”

Jace’s playful gaze froze over and he frowned for real, “Of course. Catarina thought-” He shook his head, pushing a hand against his cheek, “It doesn’t matter what. Why?”

“I explained to Alexander before, but, it is only one of the marks a warlock might leave. All the others are consensual and typically marks of friendship. They mean a great deal to us and typically leave enough of a signature that other downworlders have some sense of them. We don’t often put them on non-warlocks, but it is sometimes done."

Jace pulled in a deep breath through his nose, his mis-matched eyes focusing on Magnus’, “Are you asking my permission to mark Alec?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, “No. Alexander has enough marks for the moment,” they both grimaced a little at the reminder of how he’d been abusing his runes, “I am trying to ask your permission to mark  _ you.” _

“Me?” Jace repeated, eyes wide.

Magnus knew, objectively, that a lot of Jace’s confidence and arrogance was bluster covering his hurts and that, although he had grown into a lot of his pride, he still struggled with his own feelings of inadequacy. Alexander was the more familiar but in that moment Magnus realized he most certainly did  _ know  _ Jace too. Gone was the arrogance and even the layer of harshness he wore when he was standing up for Alec. He looked as raw as he had when he’d told Magnus about beating Alexander to the floor in his personal grief and anger.

“Why? I mean, I’m a third-wheel pain in the ass most of the time.” Jace was trying to pull his shield back up, but not managing it as his voice came out small.

Magnus sighed and pressed a palm to Jace’s shoulder, “Because, even if you were not Alexander’s parabatai and brother, you have done much for me, you have suffered trying to stop madmen and you have been my  _ friend.  _ You are though, the other part of Alexander’s soul and that makes you closer to me too. You have safeguarded my very heart in my absence. I need you to know that you are always welcome where he is. His people are your people, yes, but that works both ways. I would like to make it clear to others that you are my family.”

Jace stared at him, mouth slightly open, “You and Alec really just dove back into things didn’t you?”

Magnus shrugged, “Neither of us wanted to end things before and...I’m sure you understand what it’s like to have no defenses against him.”

Jace grinned, “He is the softest bastard right when you don’t expect it isn’t he?” Jace laughed a little, “Alright, if it’s important to you then, yeah, you can mark me. It won’t hurt or anything right?”

“I’d have warned you already if it would. Lend me an arm.”

Jace held out his left arm, his expression aiming for amused nonchalance and instead falling into nervous. Magnus kept his touch gentle as he took Jace’s wrist and rolled his arm, pushing his half sleeve up far enough he could touch the blank inside of his elbow.

“If I put it here will it interfere with your rune placements?”

A lot of runes were permanent, but not all and Magnus did not want to affect Jace’s fighting habits.

“Nope.”

Magnus traced a soft blue mark, like a particularly geometric tree with a triangle surrounding it, and watched as it sunk into Jace’s skin. 

“You will always see it and anyone you want to show it to can as well but a glamour covers it like it would any of your other runes.”

Jace looked a little dazed but smiled at Magnus and clapped him on the shoulder, “I’ll have something to return the gesture soon, didn’t have warning and all.”

Magnus blinked, “Jace, I don’t expect-”

“I know, but you’re right about us being family now. Don’t be surprised if Izzy gives you something, maybe Max and even Dad eventually too. It’s a normal symbol of acceptance to exchange emblems of the houses.”

Magnus frowned. The nephilim were closed off about their ways and he was not prepared for that, he had no house emblem to return. Sure, he could probably come up with something but the meaning would be missing. He had no desire to mark all of the Lightwoods, just Jace, and likely Isabelle, so that would hardly suffice.

Jace nudged him, “Man, you and Alec both, overthink everything. You don’t have to give anything in return Magnus, you aren’t a nephilim. New Shadowhunters or houses that aren’t well established aren’t expected to make the exchange, you won’t be either. It’s not a requirement at all, just a symbol. We all know how you feel about him, don’t worry.”

Magnus wanted to respond but Alexander and Biscuit returned then, Clary grinning widely.

“Izzy said that we should come by today. She said Simon’s bored and she’s not too buried in paperwork so we can spend some time together if we stop by before too long.”

Jace grinned, “Excellent. You want to watch me kick Simon’s ass?”

Clary rolled her eyes and playfully put her fists up, “You sure you don’t wanna watch me try?”

Jace scoffed, teasing, “With how noodley your arms are again? Simon’s learned a  _ little  _ from me, he would win.”

“You probably shouldn’t try to fight Sherwin, the guy we  _ just  _ rescued.” 

Magnus laughed at the pout that received before his gaze drifted to Alexander. His shadowhunter was staring at Jace’s elbow, the sleeve still shoved up. His wide eyes turned to Magnus and the love and awe in them stole Magnus’ breath.

He stood, going to tug Alec close, kissing him very gently as Jace groaned at them while Clary cooed. 

“Let’s go see the rest of the family?”

Alexander’s eyes glittered but he nodded, “Yeah. Yes.”


	11. All: Markings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New keyboard! Yay  
> This was supposed to be posted a while ago but uh I started playing Hades and that literally devoured all of my free time because I love Zag too much (the art is so good)  
> There's probably only a chapter or two left for this, so if there's anything you want to see/have them address please let me know in the comments!   
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me on this!

Meredith stepped closer to Underhill as a patrol came through, Rodriguez going out of his way to glare at her. Since the night she’d spent with Magnus Bane the attitude of her fellow shadowhunters had grown colder. Most of them were still civil but the warm welcome she’d received when she’d first arrived from Idris appeared to have been rescinded.

“Underhill?” She asked, gently.

He was one of the people who had kept the same cool professionalism between them and had still been willing to talk to her for things outside of patrols and reports. He was also her superior so it hadn’t done a lot for the growing loneliness.

“Rembrand.” He nodded at her, gaze returning to the screen he was watching and she cleared her throat.

“Have I...did I break a rule?”

He sighed, “Meredith. I’m not really the person who should be having this conversation with you.”

“So I did. I thought it was  _ fine _ . Are we only allowed to spend the night with downworlders if we’re dating them? Is that it? Or is Magnus a bad guy or something?” 

She knew her questions were ridiculous but she had tried to think of another explanation and come up blank.

“No, to all of that. I’ve asked Isabelle to intercede on your behalf, but she’s been busy the last few days. Hopefully once she can address the issue things will get better for you here.”

Meredith huffed, “I still don’t know what I  _ did.” _

Underhill looked uncomfortable but at least he was finally facing her properly, “You’re new and Magnus...he’d been missing a while so no one thought to warn any of the transfers. Hell, most people had some idea at least, there was enough gossip that spread after Alec’s wedding.” 

Meredith opened her mouth, confused, Alec wasn’t married, was he? Underhill held up a hand.

“It’s a long story, but the important thing is just...Alec and Magnus were together. Things ended between them with a lot of complications that are their business, but neither of them wanted to break up.”

“If they weren’t together then why?” 

“Meredith, Alec was going to ask Magnus to marry him. Whatever happened between them? It’s a large part of why Alec stepped down and you stepped right into the middle of Magnus’ return because you didn’t know.”

She stared at him. She didn’t know Alexander Lightwood well, but she could guess what Underhill hadn’t explicitly said. Magnus was the love of Alec’s life and likely a major player in the affair with Valentine. When she’d first transferred she’d been surprised at how withdrawn Alec and Jace, heroes by all accounts, were. Suddenly a lot of things were making sense.

“I-”

She stuttered to a stop because walking across ops, looking lighter than he had in an age and accompanied by his  _ parabatai,  _ a woman who could only be Clary Fray, and Magnus Bane, was Alec Lightwood.

“Sir.” Underhill nodded, unable to hide his smile.

“Andrew! Is lovely Isabelle in her office?” Magnus swayed closer and Meredith wanted to hide, especially as eyes landed on her.

-

Magnus cursed internally but still smiled at the girl,  _ Meredith _ . It wasn’t her fault that he’d made extraordinary poor choices that night.

Alexander had gone tense beside him and Andrew kept looking between them as he slowly answered, “She is. Simon is with her, excited to see Clary.”

Magnus nodded and made his decision. He turned, tipping his head at Alec toward the office and watching hazel eyes as they searched his face. Alexander’s gaze darted briefly to Meredith and Jace jolted forward a step, harsh lines set in his face. Alec caught his brother’s chest with the back of his hand, eyes locked on Magnus.

“Magnus and I will follow. Jace take Clary.”

Jace cut a glare at the poor girl before catching Clary’s hand and leading her away, leaving Underhill to tactfully remove himself from the group. Magnus did so love the man's ability to read a room. 

Meredith, the poor thing, looked between the two of them with wide eyes and a pinched mouth.

“I was...I was just told that I really  _ fucked  _ up.” She said, her voice tight, and Magnus winced.

“No.” Alec took a breath, “You didn’t know, Meredith and we weren’t...we-”

Magnus hated watching Alexander try to absolve her, he could see how, confronted by her, it hurt him. 

“It was my choice to approach you and I’m sorry, I wasn’t in a good place when I saw you that night. I am old enough to know better than to spread my problems to others.” Magnus tried to make sure she understood that this was on him.

She nodded slowly, but her focus was on Alexander.

“If I’d known, sir, I never would have taken the offer. I understand if you want me to transfer-”

Magnus frowned, “I know business and pleasure never mix well, but I doubt anyone expects you to uproot your life here just because I made a mess.”

Meredith shifted, uncomfortable and looked to Alec again, but he was staring through her more than really seeing. She appeared to brace herself, “Mr., uhm, Mr. Bane? It’s a kind of a big deal to everyone. Getting involved with someone another nephilim is or was seriously involved with...there’s steps that are supposed to be taken first and it’s generally frowned on. I’ve been getting a lot of...well there’s been a lot of ill-will since you took me home and I didn’t know why until I asked Mr. Underhill.”

Magnus stared at her and slowly turned to Alexander. His love was looking straight ahead, jaw locked tight, but he nodded his confirmation and Magnus pulled a breath in through his nose. He really had made quite the mess.

“Alright...alright then. Okay. How do I fix it?”

Meredith gave him a gentle, sheepish smile, “ _ You  _ can’t. Mr. Lightwood can, maybe, help a little but I think it’s just going to take time if I stay here, although Ms. Lightwood  _ might  _ be able to stop people from switching out of my patrol group and-”

Alec made a low noise, “That’s ridiculous.”

Meredith looked surprised, “Well, I did break a major social rule, sir.”

“I’ll talk to Izzy and I’ll do what I need to so that it doesn’t further affect your career. You won’t need a transfer though, I’m no longer assigned to this Institute.”

Meredith blanched at that and Alexander quickly explained, “I’ve accepted the office of the Inquisitor. The formal announcement has been pushed back at my request.”

Magnus sighed, watching as the assertion only made her look smaller.

“I truly apologize for the position I’ve put you in with my recklessness. We will do everything we can to correct it.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was a whisper but Alec just nodded and turned away from her, leaving Magnus to offer her a gentle smile and hurry after him.

He caught Alec’s shoulder in the hallway outside of Isabelle’s office, “Alexander.”

“I’m fine Magnus, just-” Alec swallowed hard enough Magnus could hear it, “I didn’t want to face her again. I was trying to forget, I guess, that she happened. Another Shadowhunter.”

Alexander didn’t raise his voice, just sounded even and tired, but the words might as well have been shouted for how they twisted Magnus up inside. He remembered the bright joy that Alexander had tried to hide, once.

_ “So, I’m your first Shadowhunter?” _

Magnus had never meant to find another, especially not as number 1702. He clasped Alexander’s hands between his, waiting until his love faced him properly.

“I wanted to hurt you. I was still angry that night and I lashed out, in a way, by sleeping with her and I will never know how to apologize, but I hope, in time, I can right that wrong.” He tightened his hold, looking down, uncertain how to continue.

“Magnus.” 

Alexander’s voice made him look up and despite the pain that lingered in his eyes, Magnus found a well of love and forgiveness too.

“I won’t say that the things that have happened don’t hurt because that would be a lie, but we’ve both made enough mistakes, I won’t make another one by holding this against you. It’s resolved, I just need to take steps to prevent our mess from affecting someone else any further.”

“Alexander I-”

Alec untangled their hands but then his large, warm palms were cradling Magnus’ chin, one hand sliding to curl behind his neck and tug gently.

Magnus followed as he was led carefully to Alexander’s lips. They stood in the hallways of the New York Institute, a place that had seen many of Magnus’ worst moments. This would not be one of them.

Alexander kissed him like he was pressing the grace of forgiveness to Magnus’ sinning mouth. The soft press of his lips, the slow stroke of his thumb over Magnus’ cheek, and the warmth of his body as they curved together left no room for anything but their love. Magnus made a soft sound in the back of his throat, fingers curling around one of Alec’s shoulders and his wrist as he folded into his love.

At the sound Alexander licked into his mouth, gentle in his movements and Magnus gasped softly. Alec tilted his head with a press of his wide hand and stepped into Magnus further, making him shift back until Alexander was kissing him against the wall. 

Magnus knew they should stop.

Alexander parted from him just enough to breathe his name into the space between their lips and Magnus couldn’t bear to stop him when he leaned back in.

He lost all sense of time to the whisper of Alexander’s kisses and the heat of his body. It was unhurried and gentle enough that Magnus wondered if he wasn’t unmade in the dim light. 

Eventually Alexander stopped them, rubbing his thumb over Magnus’ swollen lower lip, eyes following the trail of it.

“We’re late.” 

Magnus hummed, trying to sway back into Alec’s space. Alec stopped him with the firm pressure of his thumb against his mouth and Magnus blinked before nipping it slightly.

“After this, we’re locking ourselves in the loft together.”

Alexander laughed as he drew back enough to let Magnus get his bearings again, “I won’t argue that.”

-

Alec felt more centered as he knocked lightly on the door to his sister’s office. Magnus was smiling a little dazedly beside him and he was  _ very  _ pleased.

Simon opened the door and grinned at them before his eyes widened, “Oh.  _ Wow.” _

“What?” Jace tugged the door further open, took one look at the two of them, and rolled his eyes, “I’ll sleep elsewhere I guess.”

Magnus snorted, “I’ll soundproof your room Aurora.”

The tendril of unease that had crept into their bond at the thought of being apart for the night dissipated and Jace grinned, but there was gratitude in his eyes.

“Alright, too much information!” Clary called and Simon finally stepped out of the way so they could come into the room.

Izzy was sitting with Clary by the fireplace and she grinned up at Alec and Magnus as they came in. Alec just rolled his eyes and the wicked gleam in her eyes.

“You’re all insufferable.”

“Aw, c’mon, you missed this.”

He grumbled as he found a seat, tugging Magnus to sit pressed close to him. Jace took the floor between Alec and Clary and Simon fell into the other open seat beside Izzy.

“I was just talking to Clary about her coming to train between her classes, for now.”

Alec was surprised, “Do you think you’ll stay in school?”

Clary shrugged, “I don’t know right now, I guess it depends on what I feel like once I have all my memories back and sorted, but I don’t want to be totally reliant on the shadow world again, just in case.”

Magnus leaned forward, “That sounds like a great plan. Just remember, you have a very wealthy patron, if you ever need one.”

Clary blushed a little but laughed along with the others. Alec sighed slowly and relaxed, finding his footing here, with his family again. He watched Jace and Simon sass each other, Magnus easily egging them both on, and Clary and Izzy whisper together.

“Don’t you look like the cat who caught the canary.” 

Alec blinked, registering that Magnus was grinning at him.

“I don’t eat birds.” He tried to keep a confused expression but a raised eyebrow from Magnus made him lose it, laughing.

“Just admit you’re a giant sap Alec, it’d be easier than grumbling about everything.” Jace drawled, leaning against Clary’s shin. Alec flipped him off.

Jace returned the gesture easily and opened his mouth to continue but Simon cut him off.

“Dude, do you have a tattoo?”

“What!?” Izzy leaned over to see and Jace held out his arm, smirking. His eyes were soft though and Alec felt the warmth in their bond. Magnus’ mark meant a lot to him.

“Nah, I’ve just been denoted special by  _ someone.”  _ Jace nodded toward Magnus who winked.

“Us warlocks do like to lay claim to things and people that are ours.” He flicked his fingers, “Lovely Isabelle?”

She blinked and Alec could see the wetness in her eyes. After Catarina had Marked him he knew Izzy had done research, she knew what this meant.

“Really?”

Magnus smiled, gently, “You’re family, little sister.”

Alec swallowed the lump Magnus’ words put in his throat, watching Izzy slide out of her chair and kneel in front of Magnus.

“Is here...can you put it here?” She touched the spot under her collarbone, above her heart, and Magnus nodded.

“If you don’t want it seen, it won’t be.” He touched her skin and the same tree shape appeared but with tiny blooms on the tips instead of the triangle of Jace’s. Izzy raised her hand to cover the mark and then threw herself into Magnus’ arms, elbow hitting Alec.

“Ouch.”

“Suck it up!” Izzy said, laughing even as he patted his arm in apology.

“No offense, Biscuit, Sherman, but-”

Simon held up his hands, “We aren’t there yet, man, I get it.”

Clary nodded along, her eyes wet as she watched Izzy return to her seat, touching the mark with a little smile. Alec’s heart almost hurt for how full it was.

Actually.

He winced, the warm feeling was growing uncomfortable and he shifted, frowning. The heat that had started as more of the nebulous joy in his chest was becoming physical and burning.

Jace’s gaze zeroed in and the conversation that had resumed cut off as he jerked closer, “Alec?”

“It’s fine, just-nnn” The burn sharpened and he closed his eyes, pressing his hand over the Betrayer Mark.

“Alexander?” Magnus sounded worried but Alec couldn’t answer him as the pain increased.

“His Mark.” Jace spat, grabbing at his shirt.

“What’s wrong with him?” Clary’s voice was high with concern.

“It’s-Ah!” Alec hissed and then Jace was shoving his shirt out of the way.

Magnus swore and then he was gone, the sound of a portal the only thing Alec registered.

“Where’s he going?” Simon.

“Probably for help.” Izzy, her hands pressed into Alec’s ribs, cool in comparison to the fire in his core.

Another portal, he couldn’t make it out though he forced his eyes open, the room a haze of color. 

“What’s happening?” Jace’s voice was a growl and Alec isn’t surprised to hear Catarina answer.

“The Mark, it...I placed it with a secondary effect. It denotes him a traitor but it also was meant to hurt him if he ever found peace again. I was so angry with him and I wasn’t thinking clearly,” something cool was washing over him, “I’m sure, with some of you around, it never healed at all, trying to harm him for what little peace you brought him. My guess is that he really, truly felt whole with you all here and it activated the curse.”

“Remove it.” Magnus’ voice was the edge of a blade, razor sharp and cold as steel.

“I am.” Catarina nearly whispered.

The cool feeling centered over the bright star of pain in his core and slowly drew it out, leaving Alec unfocused and gasping where he was slumped in his seat. He gasped and scrambled for his chest as soon as he could, ignoring the voices around him.

The skin that had been irritated and raised with the mark was smooth and soft again. He pressed his fingers against it, staring down at himself.

The mark had meant something to him. He’d clung to the way it hurt him, to the things it represented, the betrayal of his own heart and of Magnus, of all the people who had counted on him to be  _ better  _ than he was. 

Finally, he looked up at Catarina.

“Thank you.”   


She flinched, “I never should have done it.”

Alec shook his head, “I needed it.”

There was a chorus of denial but he held up a hand, “I didn’t want you to take it back because...I needed it to remind me of my failures and because I saw it as penance. Without it I don’t know where I would have found those things. So, thank you for giving it to me,” the horror that was dawning in her and Magnus doesn’t stop him, “and thank you for coming to take it away now that I won’t...I won’t need it.”

“ _ Alec.” _

He didn’t look at Jace, “I, for one, am sick of everything that’s happened lately, so maybe we can make this the last big thing?”

“You all need so much fucking therapy.” Catarina finally said and the tension in the room snapped.

Magnus fell back into his seat, curling an arm around Alec. Jace smacked his knee but their bond was lit with concern and love. Izzy bent to kiss his forehead and he laughed as Simon and Clary both tried to scoot closer.

“Don’t worry Cat, way ahead of you. Tell Madzie hi, will you?”

She scoffed in disbelief, “Oh no, you can tell her hi when you come visit. I owe you at  _ least  _ a good dinner.”

Alec grinned, “Ethiopian?”

“Yes, and don’t beam at me like you weren’t just delirious with pain. Magnus, get him home, I’m ordering you two to  _ properly  _ take your vacation now.” She glared at them both and Alec had to suppress another laugh. She wasn’t wrong though, his chest still ached.

“Clary’ll stay with us!” Simon chimed in, clearly overjoyed to have his best friend back in the circle. Jace rolled his eyes but gave Alec a little nod and he knew it would be alright to leave them for a while.

“See you at home?” Magnus asked and Jace blinked at him in surprise before his expression softened.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll be in around sundown. Go make this stubborn asshole,” he jerked his chin at Alec, “rest.”

“Well, darling, I think we’d better get out of here before someone forces it.” Magnus winked at him and Alec rolled his eyes.

“Goodbye collective pain’s in the ass.” Alec gave them all a little wave and let Magnus tug him through a portal to the sound of Izzy’s ringing laugh.


End file.
